Thursday, October 18, 2012

The Attempted Fish-icide of Cookie Choo-Choo

Want to feel really old? Buy your kid a pet. And not just any pet. A fish. 

Just in case the sleepless nights, inability to wear anything appropriately in public that lacks an elastic waistband and constant lingering faint aroma of baby vomit had me feeling like any less of a parent, we let The Toddler pick out a fish few weeks ago. 

Did you hear that? Weeks. That implies that we've kept "Cookie Choo-Choo" alive and well for three whole weeks. If you can't tell, that's utter amazement emanating from my pores. 

And yes, his name is Cookie Choo-Choo. 

Cookie Choo-Choo is a Beta. Twitter informed me that these suckers can live forever. Had I known that prior to our purchase, I may have opted for a pet store guppy although I did make the husband proud by purchasing a mid-grade Beta at a mere $7.99 as opposed to the fancier model that was priced at a whopping $21.99. 

If I had to compare, this would be the Kia of Betas as opposed to the Cadillac of Betas. 

So there we were in the pet store, full of the warm and fuzzies as I watched my son pick out his very first pet and attempt to pull nearly every other fish from the shelf. During the whole ride home we talked about how we would take care of Cookie Choo Choo and what it meant to have a pet. 

And this is where I break to say, "God bless my parents. For every single hermit crab, hamster and goldfish brought into our house that, once the novelty wore off, quickly became their responsibility." 

Because now? Three weeks later? I have a fish. His name is Cookie Choo-Choo and Cookie Choo-Choo needs his water changed every Tuesday. Do you know what this entails? This entails boiling a pot of water and letting it come to room temperature before The Changing of The Waters. I don't even cook once a week and here I am boiling fish water. 

This past Tuesday was much like any other. As I was gingerly trying to pour Cookie Choo-Choo from his fishbowl into his drinking glass of a holding cell, the inevitable happened. Cookie Choo-Choo leapt from his fishbowl AND LANDED IN THE FUCKING KITCHEN SINK DRAIN, narrowly missing a fall into the abyss known as The Disposal. 

Immediately I let out a hearty, "Oh shit!" as I quickly thought through lifesaving scenarios. 

Do I grab him with my bear hands? Ew. That's so gross! 

What if he falls into the disposal? Sayonara Cookie Choo-Choo. 

Crap, what can I grab him with? Oh, this here measuring cup.

And after two passes with the 1/4c measuring cup and a mild anxiety attack on my behalf all the while yelling, "Hang on, Cookie Choo-Choo! Don't give up yet!" Cookie Choo-Choo was safely back in his fishbowl where he belonged. 

He may be a bit traumatized but Cookie Choo-Choo lives to see another day. 

30 comments :

  1. I would have shit an inevitable brick on this one. For the sheer disgusting nature of touching a slimy fish, but also the thought of having to explain how Cookie Choo Choo became one with the blades of the disposal. Good save mama.

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  2. I almost peed my pants!!! hahahahahaha. I had a beta fish at work once. He lasted a solid 2 months. I went away one weekend and came back to him belly up. The moral of these two stories: those fish are disposable. Just not in the sense of how Cookie Choo Choo almost met his demise :)

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  3. Oh no. The thought of the fish in the diposal gives me tears (I am a sucker for animals, including those betas) and makes me almost gag (at the thought of the smell that may later come of it!) Glad you were able to SAVE THE DAY. I am sure C would notice if Cookie Choo Choo was missing when he went to feed him some of his snack :)

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  4. I bought a beta in college and named him Pepe Jacob. He lived for almost 4 years. Maybe you'll be so lucky?!

    And friend....why in the world are you boiling his water???? Just buy those cheap gallons of distilled water. Much easier!!

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  5. Lol dying laughing at this one today thank you AP, your such a trooper!

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  6. My son got a hermit crab at the beach in July, it's still alive! He also had a turtle that lived two years! I hated cleaning the turtle tank.

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  7. omg omg omg.

    if C. C.C. landed in the disposal .. i would NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT!!! have the nerve to turn it on. Ever. EVER EVER. OMG.

    Nice job, Nurse AP - always saving lives!!

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  8. That's hysterical. You're one good mama. We have a fish tank with a fish and a turtle but my husband takes care of it. My contribution is throwing in some food every now and then.

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  9. So The Husband and I used to own a pet store. I can't tell you how many parents came in between the hours of 10 and 3pm while Junior was at school because "Nemo" had died.

    Good luck Cookie Choo Choo
    ;)

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  10. We tried the whole pet fish thing and it didn't even last 24 hours! Avery could have cared less - then again what 11 month old would care? We got the entire set up, aquarium, gravel, food, all that crap and when I came downstairs the next morning - that damn fish was dead! I marched that dead fish and all its belongings right back to Petco and got my money back. What a fiasco!
    Growing up - my siblings and I had every pet imaginable. The worst experience was when we brought home a hamster who, unknown to anyone, was knocked up. This hamster had babies and being a novice at hamster breeding, no one thought to separate the boys and girls so there was a lot of inbreeding going on and then they got all wacky and started eating each other.
    Short story? Avery will never own anything besides a fish or a dog.
    The End.

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  11. I am absolutely dying! When I moved into my first apartment and my boyfriend moved across the world from me to study abroad in Australia, I decided that I needed two Beta fish to signify the two of us while he was away. As a college student, this novelty quickly wore off as well. Carlton and Delilah actually held on and made it through two moves and three Boston apartments over the course of four years until I came home to find them in the inevitable belly-up position.

    One suggestion that might help lessen the risk of Cookie Choo-Choo heading south down the disposal-- I bought a little plastic net with a handle at Petco and fished them each out and put them into separate cups of water/holding tanks when I changed the water. I tried the pouring method and experienced a similar outburst of "Oh God, hang on Delilah!" as I tried to plug the sink drain.

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  12. I am absolutely dying! When I moved into my first apartment and my boyfriend moved across the world from me to study abroad in Australia, I decided that I needed two Beta fish to signify the two of us while he was away. As a college student, this novelty quickly wore off as well. Carlton and Delilah actually held on and made it through two moves and three Boston apartments over the course of four years until I came home to find them in the inevitable belly-up position.

    I always had good luck using a net to fish them each out to wait in their separate cups of water while I cleaned the fish bowl. I only realized this after Delilah nearly went down the sink drain.

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  13. Um what about using a slotted spoon to scoop him out from the original bowl? Also distilled water - its the bomb diggity.

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  14. YES. I now have a fish too. God bless Hercules! And...I change water on Sundays. Isn't that supposed to be the day of rest.

    And what's this about boiling the water??!?!! UH OH. I've never done that before!!!!! We bought some water drops and I thought that was all we had to do. :/

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  15. My favorite part of this story has to be the fish's name. I picture you uttering cuss words and cookie choo choo in the same sentence and I just giggle.

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  16. Ugh, pet fish...! I was oh-so-kindly given a beta as a gift while I was in college. I named him "Boogers" (I was clearly really fond of him.. Haha), and your description of changing the fish water gave me a slight anxiety attack! It's probably one of the most nerve-wracking things I have ever done. The slimy, floppy little fish just flip flopping around.. Ugh! More power to ya, momma! The things we do for our children ;)

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  17. Lol we also have a beta. Well this is beta 2.0 cuz mommy totes killed the first one. In my defense it was suicide. The damn thing jumped outta the bowl.

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  18. OMG! I am literally laughing with tears in my eyes!!! Too funny! :)

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  19. hahaha! I hope Carter appreciated you saving his fish :) I had a beta fish once it totally committed fishicide, I came home and it was laying on my desk, apparently they jump...

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  20. Hahaha, damn. Tuesday was almost a bad day for Cookie Choo Choo. But seriously, boiling water and letting it come to room temp once a week? That's too much work!

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  21. My roommate and I each got one of those sophomore year of college. Mine died within a month or so, and hers lived for SIX YEARS. I think she changed the water like twice a year. Its was like the fish with 9 lives.

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  22. OMG! I am about to fall out of my chair laughing!
    When we were first married, we got a red betta named Moses. That poor fish lived in very murky water most of the time and it survived. It, however, did not survive the F6 tornado that blew our house to pieces to only God knows where. I like to think maybe it ended up in a puddle somewhere and someone rescued it. Who knows? Anyway, we've never had a fish of any kind since.

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  23. When we moved my {now 15.5m old} son into his room at about 3 months, my husband and I set up a small tank in his room. It holds 2 of the 12 cent goldfish, and works as a great night light. Plus, he loves pointing to them and saying good morning/night to them every single chance he gets.

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  24. Omg I died!!!! The things we do to keep the Toddlers happy....just nuts! I'm glad that Cookie Choo-Choo made it through his traumatic experience!

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  25. OK so KP just got a $0.19 gold fish and I need to know about this boiling water bit b/c I've just thrown that sucker into room temperature tap water. Poor fish doesn't stand a chance.

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  26. Omg I'm dying, you are hilarious!!! Thanks for the laugh :) I'm glad cookie choo-choo is safe :)

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  27. lol...oh girl!!

    The fish Santa brought for my daughter- JUMPED OUTTA THE BOWL. We came home from dinner on xmas day and I found it ON THE RUG> I picked it up before she could see and chucked it in the water.

    El fishy was 'sleeping' until further notice.

    Loved your story :)

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  28. This made me laugh so hard, haha!!!

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  29. I feel compelled to let you know that my parents bought me a beta fish, which I named Beauty that I quickly stopped taking care of. And the same thing happened one day when my Mom was changing Beauty's water, but the disposal was on. Beauty survived, but I kept asking my Mom why Beauty's fins looked so ragged and my Mom played dumb only to confess years later.

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  30. Unfortunately, I have dropped a beta down the drain...and he was not recoverable. It was a sad day. And also, boiling water is for the birds. I didn't do it with this fish and he's been alive for well over 2 years. Room temp tap water will save your sanity :)

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