Friday, October 5, 2012

Becoming A Mother :: 31 Days Of Motherhod

I didn't always want to be a mother. I mean, I didn't ever want to not be a mother, but being a mother wasn't ever something that I obsessed over. I just assumed that one day when I was really old, I would meet a nice boy, get married and have some babies. 

Which, I guess when I think about it, is pretty much exactly what happened. Minus the really old part. 

In order to spend 31 days writing about motherhood, I thought maybe I would start at the beginning. How I arrived here to this point. To this day. To being a mother of two off-the-charts ridiculously adorable boys. 

I met Michael during my sophomore year of college. We were at a fraternity party together, he, a brother in the fraternity and I, just a girl hoping to dance on a few tables, drink a little Skippy and make some questionable decisions. Never in a million years did I think I would be playing beer pong with my future husband, let alone the father of my future babies. 

But there we were, standing together in a dump of a fraternity house floors sticky with cheap beer and god only knows what else. I can't say that I fell in love with him immediately but over the course of the next few years that we dated it was evident that I would be spending the rest of my life with this guy. Happily, I should add. 

Michael and I will celebrate five years of marriage later this month and come January, we will have been together for ten years. A whole entire decade. 

OK. Maybe I do feel really old

I married Michael at 24. After experiencing an unexpected pregnancy that ended in a miscarriage at 14 weeks gestation at 25, I became pregnant with Carter at 26 and became a first-time mom two months shy of my 27th birthday. 

I may not remember many things in my life as clearly as I remember the first time I laid eyes on Carter. The surgeon had just lifted him high enough above the curtain that separated me from my, well, insides and I remember thinking "Holy crap. We have a baby. And he's perfect." 

And just like that my entire life changed in an instant. 

Priorities shifted and relationships changed. I became responsible for someone other than myself. The needs of someone else ultimately would forever come before my own from that day forward. Talk about pressure. 

As the first of our friends to have a baby, most of them understood our new dynamic- why we couldn't meet at Happy Hour with a two week old, why we couldn't travel here or there for an event. Why our focus suddenly shifted from them and ourselves to our baby. 

And truth be told? Some of them didn't. And they still may not understand it completely but my hope for them is that one day they will be blessed with babies and it will all suddenly make sense. 

So there we were with this new baby. Although I'm not sure if "baby" is a fitting name those first few weeks. Our days and nights resembled something more akin to caring for a tiny little monster. One that constantly ate but didn't really eat. Slept but didn't really sleep.

And after each of us gained our New Parent sea legs? We were off and running. 

As my firstborn, Carter will always hold an extra special chunk of my heart for being the first to make me a mother. I guess you could say he broke me in. He initiated me into The Mom Club and I will be forever grateful to him. 

Prior to becoming a mom, I worked as a Bone Marrow Transplant nurse at one of the top ten hospitals in the nation. I can say without a doubt that I loved my job there. To wake up every morning and love what you do is an absolute gift. 

But I can say with absolute certainty that my greatest accomplishment, my greatest achievement in my life to date, is being called Mom to not one but two sweet and beautiful little boys. 

From a rocky beginning to a fun, laughter and love-filled middle and most recently the addition of our second little boy just a mere three and a half months ago, Motherhood, you sure are one wild ride. 


  1. AP you have done it again my friend! Love this and love you!

  2. I had the same view on motherhood before I got pregnant, too! It wasn't that I didn't want to be a mother, but it wasn't something I'd dreamed about my entire life, either. When I had Connor and they lifted him above the "c-section curtain" (as I like to call it) I think we were both like "oh crap, we have a baby!" Best decision EVER! :) Great post and I'm glad to know I'm not the only one that felt this way pre-baby.

  3. Ah i love being able to read how it all started. It's so crazy that you met your husband so early when you assumed you'd be old and stuff before you got married ;)
    We got married at 24 too, way before any of our friends and are pretty much the only ones that have a kid. It's sometimes fun to be the trail blazers...sometimes it's hard because most of our friends are still going out to happy hour, away for long weekends on a whim, and out to dinner at 7pm when there is no way we could join them unless we started trusting someone to watch evident by my last post, isn't something we're completely comfortable with. Ah take us where we didn't expect. Even if it is by our choice ;)

  4. Love it! It's so true that your friends don't "get it" until they are blessed with children of their own. We are the first of our friends to have kids too and it sure is hard sometimes but I can only hope they'll have the chance to experience it some day too!

  5. Your path to motherhood was filled with joy and sorrow, but it's uniquely your own. And it helped shape you into an aboslutely wonderful fun and loving mother - what two lucky, adorable little boys! And quite a lucky M, I might add! :)

  6. Amazing writing, yet again my friend! Motherhood is quite the journey!

  7. I didn't really feel the aching to be a mother either. I knew I wanted to be married and that I would probably have a kid someday. But then baby fever hit me hard one year into my marriage and I couldn't do anything else to get rid of it besides get pregnant. Now I see how foolish I was in thinking that motherhood wasn't that big of a deal. It's a HUGE deal. My sons are the sons I never knew I wanted so badly. But now I know that I was meant for them. And they were meant for me. And maybe one more :)

  8. This post! I love so much of it! Have we ever heard the husband's name before? So weird! I often forget about your baby in heaven. Love the part about friends not understanding.

  9. I was the first of my friends too and sometimes they still don't understand and ask what I do all day. Love that you have a Michael too! Great post!

  10. I love this post. I think I am going to love these 31 days :)


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