Thursday, October 25, 2012

On Blogging, Judgment, The Un-Blogger and Why I Blog.

It's a funny thing, blogging. 

Sitting down to a blank computer screen to document your every days and your some days. Your Mondays, run-of-the-mill days, your best days and your worst days. Willingly sharing these days with strangers and in doing so, opening up not only yourself but also your heart, your home and your families to judgment and criticism.  

In the four years that I have been writing behind I Love You More Than Carrots, I have been judged both for my words and for my actions. I have been called names by strangers who think they know me based solely on what they've read, what I've chosen to share. Strangers who pass judgment behind the veil of anonymity.

I have been judged for the way I write. For what I write. Decisions I have made regarding how to feed my children have been criticized. My appearance and confidence judged more times than I can count on two hands. And shockingly enough, personal decisions regarding how I mother my children and keep house have also been the target of a derisive remark or two. 

Un-bloggers, or rather those that don't blog, assume that because we [bloggers] so often "put it all out there" that we should be able to accept any and all judgment that comes our way, regardless of how harsh it may be. That it is something we should tolerate and accept. After all, "we choose to share." 

I'm here to say that a blogger's skin is none the thicker.  

It's true. We write willingly. We share what we want to share, when we want to share it but that doesn't mean our willingness to share should be synonymous with accepting hateful comments and harsh criticism. 

Now, don't misconstrue the nonacceptance of hateful comments for lack of an encouraging debate. I'm all for the sharing of differing opinions and a responsible, respectful interaction. That's not what this is about.

Some days it seems that when people sit down behind their computers to read blogs, they suddenly feel empowered. Gifted with the uncanny ability to say and do whatever they want to whomever they want, often times saying things they wouldn't even dream of saying to someone face to face.

When they don't realize how much strength and courage it takes to literally sit down to a blank computer screen day in and day out to willingly share your days. To open yourself up to judgment and criticism. 

Un-bloggers don't understand it and truth be told? We can't expect them to. 

It's an incredible thing, blogging. To be surrounded by a community of inspiring and encouraging writers. Some days we all just need a little reminder to be respectful. 

Each day that I sit down to write- whether I'm spilling my heart, dropping a few too many four letter words or sharing with my readers The Next Best Thing, I'm constantly reminded how incredible this community can be. 


32 comments :

  1. Whether you say hurtful words in person, behind someone's back, or behind a computer screen - they are still just that - hurtful words. No matter how those words are delivered they have the same meaning. Do unto others as you would have done unto you, right? It seems so simple, yet so many people have trouble with it! Great post and a nice little reminder for EVERYONE! :)

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  2. Ages ago when I was planning my wedding, I received one of the meanest comments I've ever received. Something to the effect of I should be beaten for my words. Ouch. When I took to Twitter to vent, the person CAME BACK and told me that I should have a thicker skin. I really contemplating deleting my blog at that point. So glad I didn't, but I've definitely kept how I felt that day in mind when commenting on other blogs. Great reminder!

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  3. Here here. Thanks for sharing, always.

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  4. Here here. Thanks for sharing, always.

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  5. I need to copy and paste this onto my blog for my newest hater. Actually my first hater but DAMN bitch be crazy!

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  6. It's amazing how a person {even bloggers} can take something you write and totally blow it out of perspective.

    Most the time, those people don't even read the whole post. And then focus on that ONE thing you may have said. Something that may have NOTHING to even do with the rest of the post.

    We can't say ANYTHING right these days. Can't please everyone. Can't be PERFECT like everyone wants us to be.

    It's like sheesh... no one can express their thoughts without someone jumping on them for it. Or judging them. Or totally getting the WRONG PICTURE.

    I know this all too well :)

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  7. Keep on Keeping on!!!! Great post :) We write because we love to. Jumping on over from Mrs. Mama - glad to have found ya.

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  8. mama- you hit the nail on the head! People need to realize the exact point that even though we "choose" to share, doesn't mean we "choose" to take on the brutality that some readers comment with. Hugs love!

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  9. Amen sista! Thankfully I haven't had any haters (but...I dont have thousands of readers...HA!) but I just don't get it. Why feel the need to criticize when you have the ability to click the little red X in the top right corner? They made the choice to read the words that you chose to write. Why is their choice 'above' yours? JUST DONT GET IT. Click X if you don't like. If you do like it, stick around!

    I think I'll stick around!

    xoxoxoxoxo

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  10. The un-bloggers definitely don't understand! Criticism and judgement hurts regardless. Real life or online.

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  11. I've been blogging for a long time. Celebrating 6 years in December. I have taken the brunt of horrible anonymous comments. One person decided to comment that I was ugly when I posted my first vlog. I've never done one since because I was so hurt. I looked at myself in the mirror and questioned if I was in fact ugly. It was a terrible day for me.

    But I have found friends. I've found community. I've become much more open about my struggles with depression and anxiety and you know what? People like it. I receive emails from people who were close to taking their lives. Then they read my blog and decided that they weren't alone in their struggle. That's why I keep going. What was once a blog about nothing in particular is now so important to me.

    We have to take the good with the bad. I hope I keep blogging for a long time. As long as I help one person, that is enough for me.

    You're a wonderful writer. Keep on keepin' on.

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  12. I completely agree with this statement. While I have only been blogging for 6 months, it still baffles me at the things people can say. Sometimes I want to reply back that if they don't like what they are reading, don't read it. It's not that complicated. Every person's blog is their own personal space to do with as they see fit. We all live our lives differently and do what works for us. That's all anyone can do really. It goes back to the age old saying "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." I think some people lost sight of that as they grew older.

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  13. Well said, AP. Girlfriend...you find just the right words for everything. LOVE reading your blog so very very much :-)

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  14. You couldn't have said it any better!!!!!

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  15. I had a blog about my weight loss and when I was pregnant I posted about having a hard time staying on track with healthy eating and someone bashed me and said I should worry about my unborn child instead of stuffing my face, it really hurt and I shed some tears. I try to live by the if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all.

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  16. I just started blogging. I've been reading for years but I think you are all so courageous it too me years to come up with the nerve to start putting it all (some of it) out there.

    I haven't run into any criticism yet, I'm not looking forward to it! You verbalized so many of my fears. I hope family and friends will mind their own, and that strangers will be respectful. It is nerve wracking!!!

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  17. Well said. I'm new to the blogging world and haven't encountered my first "hater" but I know the community in this world is amazing! Great post

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  18. Anonymity behind the wall of the internet is a scary thing, isn't it? I understand (like you said) a friendly debate and that part of being human is having a differing opinion, but hurtful, hateful, and rude comments are SO uncalled for.

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  19. Dang! What is it with people? I have yet to have a hateful comment but after seeing so many bloggers mention it, I'm preparing myself (as much as anyone can for something like that).

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  20. I don't even know what to write - the idea that someone sits down, reads your words, and writes something negative is just so WRONG! Honestly, saying things like, well, you put it out there, gives NOONE a reason to trash you. that's like me going out to the store, seeing someone's outfit and thinking it's ugly, approaching them and saying, "Hey, you look ugly. I figure since you decided to go outside in this you were asking for me to tell you that." wtf? Is that the world we live in?

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  21. When I was pregnant with Eva, I wrote a series of posts on things a husband should not say to a wife while she's pregnant. OBVIOUSLY, it was in jest. When my husband asked me if I was wearing my tiny underwear that day or that I was looking rather rotund or that my face was getting hairy (yea, he did it) ... he was kidding and just being his regular old loser self. Obviously, taken out of context those things sounded horrible. But for anyone who "knew" me, us, him ... they knew what our relationship was like and they knew the posts were just poking fun. So you can imagine how it felt ot me when I got anon comments tellingme I should leave him, my marriage was awful and that my husband didn'tlove our unborn baby because he was jealous. Computer screen or not, those words hurt.

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  22. I am sure that you read a million blogs a day, but my post today is about just the same thing. People need to get a grip and think before they speak. The world would be a better place. If yu are interested in reading my post, you can find it here:

    http://jules-beautifulday.blogspot.com/2012/10/a-repostsorry.html#links

    Keep doing what you do, because to the maajority of us your posts not to mention that wit are a bright spot in our blog reading day!

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  23. This. I just cant even express how this has been on my heart. Love you!

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  24. I couldn't have said it better myself! Great post!!! And please keep blogging, your one of my favs. :)

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  25. And this post is why I blogger love u!!! Keep it up AP!

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  26. I try to teach my children the simplicity of being kind. Saying things to people that hurt them is 'yucky'. simple.

    I agree if I can type my words - they better be the very same words I would say to someone in person, face to face!

    I can see that you are surrounded by so many supportive & KIND readers!

    Keep writing as you are, you are wonderful.

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  27. Couldn't have said it better.
    People who don't blog will never understand this community and what it takes to do it.

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  28. I had hardly started blogging and already had a hater. Hurtful words are just that... Hurtful. And you're right, the non-bloggers will never know what it's like or why we do it... But, we don't need them to! Not once since I started my blog have I been searching for approval...

    It's amazing, too. How one person can make you feel so small. But, that one hater has made me so much more grateful for the bloggy FRIENDS I've made. This community is amazing. There are days when you ladies are the ones that keep me going.

    Thank you for posting this AP! Well said!

    Xoxoxoxo!

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As always, thanks so much for reading ILYMTC. If you have any questions about a post or want to get in touch with me (or any of the cast of characters here at ILYMTC) email me at iloveyoumorethancarrots(at)gmail(dot)com.

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