Saturday, October 30, 2010

Friday, October 29, 2010

Before You Go Calling Child Protective Services...

Carter taking his first nap in his crib

Another title for this blog post? "Can You Tell Me What is Wrong With This Picture?" I couldn't help but laugh to myself as I laid Carter down to sleep in his crib yesterday. On his belly. With a loose blanket tucked around his lower half. Did you notice the non-breathable, cushy bumper? Perhaps you were too busy looking at Bunny O' Death there, in the corner. Yep, pretty much broke every rule in the book on this one. Just call me Bad Mommy.

For the record, I would like to at least throw out there that I did place my child in the bottom lower half of the crib. During his nap, he scooted himself clear across to the top. While you're reading this, I'm probably out buying one of those "breathable bumper pads..."

Thursday, October 28, 2010

The Mother I Would Have Been Ten Years Ago...

Do you remember your "baby project" days? (Gasp! Get your head out of the gutter, Mommies! I do not mean those days!) The "baby project" I'm referring to is that week-long stretch of time, often during your junior or senior year of high school, when you were forced to carry around a baby/egg/sack of flour in a basket and pretend like it was a true reflection of motherly responsibility? In retrospect, I would love to invite any of those high school kids to come spend a day in my house. Sack of flour in a blanket-coated basket, my hiney

Anyways, over the weekend, I waxed nostalgic as I flipped through the pages of my senior yearbook and caught a glimpse of my self as a mom, or the mommy I would have been, ten years ago. Errr. Maybe I should rephrase. Take a look for yourself...

Teehee. Nice one, Ashley Paige. Pretty sure you'll get some flack for that one at the reunion. Happy Thursday!

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Friday, October 22, 2010

Speech Bubbles Welcome...

Everyone could use a little laugh this Friday.
It's the end of the week, it's not quite 5pm.
So close to the weekend, one could almost taste it.
Here's an idea:
YOU tell me what Carter is thinking...

Happy Friday!

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Sometimes I Just Want To Punch Someone. Preferably the Guy Behind Me in the Checkout Line.

Today was one of those days. I stretched C to his little limit this morning by running an extra errand. I knew I was playing with fire, but he had been such a precious, well-behaved quiet little babe during the morning's first two errands that I couldn't help but try and test the waters. We breezed in and out of Old Navy while perusing the racks for the desperately sought after plaid shirt for Hubs. Kohl's was a cinch and despite wearing the most popular and god-forsaken size pant, we managed to scoop up two new pairs of 32/30 no-iron khakis for him as well. And then I realized that we would eventually need to eat dinner tonight and I've been itching to make this Baked Potato soup recipie that I recently spotted on someone's blog.

Enter Safeway. C is still behaving himself, fussing a bit here and there, but nothing that couldn't be quieted with a verse or two of the ABC's or "Hey Soul Sister," Yes, my son likes himself a little Train now and then and luckily, I don't mind singing and dancing around in public. Others might take offense, but they can just bite a big ol' fatty. Kind of like the guy behind me in the checkout line.

I grab the 7 ingredients I was seeking and get into the line of one of the two open cashiers, neither of which was a "speedy checkout: X items or less" line. No big deal. Despite a semi-fussing babe, I'm truly in no rush. So there I am, standing in line behind two women who, despite having been all rung up and ready to go, suddenly realize they forgot their Safeway card and must immediately apply for a new one, in order to pay for their groceries. Once again, I take a deep breath and keep on singing to C.

A man, upwards of 50, gets in line behind me and starts filling the belt with his groceries. Roughly 37 of them. Five minutes later, we're up and running. The clerk starts ringing up my purchases. All 7 of them.

Suddenly, I realize I've forgotten my "groceries only" credit card at home on the counter. I start to panic and that warm, embarassed feeling starts creeping its way up around my neck from underneath my cozy, oversized cableknit sweater. The man behind me can sense the apparent delay and lets out a very audible SIGH. 

I glance back at him, saying nothing and just raise my eyebrow. 

I turn back to the clerk and politely admit that I've forgotten my check card at home and only have $25 dollars cash on me. I then manage to stammer, "Would it be alright if I just hand you back what I truly don't need and you can deduct it from my bill?" Keep in mind, the bill is $32. I have 7 items. One of which is overpriced diaper rash cream. I have $25 in hand. Quick math results in having to only return 2 items. 

At this point, the not-so-gentle man behind me has the audacity to say, quite loudly, "you have GOT to be kidding me. I don't have time for this!"

Normally, I'm not one to stir the pot. But let's just say that having a baby changes you. I'm now equipped with a mean set of mom-claws and with very little reserve when it comes to using them. 

I turn back to this unfortunately angry man and say, "Sir, you should be ashamed of yourself." I hand the clerk the two items I would like deducted and pay for my groceries. In a matter of minutes. I turn back to the man and with a smile on my face and honey dripping from my voice say, "Now see? That wasn't so bad afterall. You take care and have a wonderful day."

Some people. I just don't understand. I hate it that I let an utterly unhappy and negative person such as this man get underneath my skin and completely ruin my day. We're talking to the point of that uncomfortablly tight something-is-stuck-in-my-throat and the -tears-are-almost-going-to-spill-over feeling.

If I had been in line behind a young mom and happened to have the $7 extra dollars she might need to pay for her dinner, I would have handed it over without a second thought. If I didn't have the cash and even if I was in a small rush, I never would have behaved in such an awful and selfish manner. My mom always told me to pray for people like that. Unhappy, negative nancies. That's exactly what I'll be doing today. Right after I put away my mom-claws.

Happy Wednesday.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Look Ma.. Hands!

"Hey Ma, everyone jokes about how I was born a six-month-old! I think it's high time I take matters into my own hands. Dad's too slow with this bottle thing!"

Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Monday, October 18, 2010

Big Fat Bumbo Fail.

I swear I try out this crazy contraption every single day. Just once I want to plop him in there, set him on the counter and tell him to act responsibly as my sous chef. Instead? I rock the Bjorn and dance around the kitchen in between breading pork chops and julienning carrots. Totally normal. Because, really. There's no way you could convince me that this kid looks comfortable.

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Sunday, October 17, 2010

The Great Pumpkin Outing...

There's nothing like waking up bright and early on a Saturday morning and traipsing to the nearest family-centered Pick Ur Own with the rest of the eastern seaboard just so that your 10 week old could experience his very first pumpkin-picking, of which he will never, ever remember. But hey, isn't this what being brand new parents is all about? I thought that's why you have kids.. Well, also to dress them up ridiculously cute-like. In stegosaurus hoodies.


Did I mention there were apple fritters involved?

Saturday, October 16, 2010

"What the eff is a pumpkin, Ma? And why do I need one so badly?!"

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Just One of Those Mornings...

... when Carter decides it would be funny to engage in the Great Poop Explosion of 2010 while enjoying some tummy-time.

...when Mommy rolls Carter over, who is all smiles and laughter, by the way, only to find poop creeping out the neckhole of his onesie. Yes, I said neckhole.

... when Mommy immediately undresses Carter and doesn't bat an eyelash when she realizes that the poop is now not only covering Carter's arms and torso, but also her own.

... when, to top it all off, Mommy brings the dirty laundry down to the basement to launder and rather than throw it in the washer like intended, she throws it into the dryer with the newly washed clothes that she just removed from the washer (and proceeds to push START on a 60 minute dry-cycle), all because she can hear Carter's blood curdling screams through the floorboards all because she left him alone, for two minutes.

Just another day at the office, I suppose.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Did You Say It's The Weekend?!

i think i look forward to the weekends
more so now than i did
when i was working full time as a nurse.

thank goodness it's friday.

happy weekend!

Monday, October 4, 2010

We Survived...

Our first Daddy-less weekend.

Hence, why it's been rather quiet around these blogging parts lately. While Daddy-Hubs was partying his lucky handsome ass off in Atlantic City at his brother's bachelor party, Mommy had her hands full with Carter and Sheepie. Needless to say, everybody survived and I didn't ship Sheepie off to a ranch in Colorado.

All in all, I would say our first Daddy-less weekend was a raging success. But that doesn't mean I'm up for another one any time soon.

Here's my two handsome boys after a rough weekend of partying...

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