Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Mothering With Intent :: 31 Days of Motherhood


Some days, I live with my priorities out of whack. Guided by deadlines, to-do lists and things that I think are important when in reality they are never more important than my children. 

It makes me cringe to write these words out but too many times I've shushed the baby or snapped at Carter, "just let Mommy finish this one sentence, this one picture, this one ____," which then turns into two or three or more.   

I need to work on Mothering With Intent.

The word "intent" implies a sustained unbroken commitment or purpose. 

A sustained unbroken commitment


Sounds like something I could do for my children, no? Pledge an unbroken commitment to them. To engage with them. To cultivate in them. To sit down with them and really listen to what they have to say. After all, if I had to think of anyone as deserving of my undivided attention, they would be at the very top of my list. 

And I should commit to do these things whole-heartedly. Not while flipping through a stranger's pictures on Instagram, their tiny voices drowned out by the tap-tapping of my fingers on the computer keyboard as I compose a blog post. 

I owe them so much more than that. How would I feel half-listened to? Half-played with? What if they internalized these actions and grew up to feel "half-loved?" That last one might be a stretch but isn't it possible? They shouldn't have to compete with to-do lists and deadlines for their mother's attention. 

The thought alone breaks my heart and I need to do something about it. I need to do something about it while my children are still little. While they don't realize that I'm half-listening. Half-engaging. 

They deserve to be whole-loved. Whole-listened to. Whole-played with. I need to work on Mothering With Intent and that's exactly what I intend to do.

18 comments :

  1. Hmm...this is really resonating with me right now. I may just be pondering this topic all night. Really though, it's never a bad idea for a little more intent family time. Especially when you've got two adorable boys filling your moments :)

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  2. This post is so very true. I believe with all the crazy technology today we are so dependent on our phones, computers, etc that we begin to miss out on all the wonderful daily things. Its the little things that are important to the kids & what we should pay attention to. I need to be more conscious of staying off my phone & just fully engaging at all times! Thanks for the reminder! Loving all these 31 days, even if most make me cry lol :)

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  3. This is so true and yet so difficult. I'm not sure if it's born out of that desire for connection during the day or simply addiction to silly things, but it is most definitely problematic. My son used to bring me my phone when he found it lying around-like I needed to have it. Now, he's started to say something about it. "I'm going to make you put your phone down and ...." whatever he wants me to do. Sad that a 2 year old has more insight than I do. I hate to think he'll look back and remember me with an iphone in my face and yet it becomes so difficult to stop. Intent is definitely the key here. I have to really want to do it to make it happen. It's always good to be reminded.

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  4. I am printing this out and putting it on my coffee maker... So I see it 5 times a day and am reminded when I need it most. Thank you for your beautiful and honest words!

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  5. I am printing this out and putting it on my coffee maker... So I see it 5 times a day and am reminded when I need it most. Thank you for your beautiful and honest words!

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  6. So true! I needed to read this because I too am guilty of playing on my phone or the computer way too much,while I should be paying more attention to my children.

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  7. Definitely guilty of scrolling on Instagram while playing choo-choo ir helping with homework..... I need to do the same.

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  8. I needed this slap in the face like WOAH.

    I am trying so hard to put the phone away and mother.

    I wonder why it is a struggle. I should just mother, right?

    But my desire for interaction. For acceptance. For something other than "mommy. Mommy. MOMMY!" is huge.

    I need to mother with intention during my "working hours" and then allow everything else to happen after.

    Thanks for this push! I needed it.

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  9. I needed this. I am SO guilty of this! I blame the iPhone and all the social media that is constantly at my fingertips. I constantly have to remind myself to "unplug" & really be present with my kids. I know there will come a time where I will be the one wanting to participate in their lives and they won't want it.

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  10. LOVE!!!! I need to be less obsessed with my PHONE!!!

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  11. Wow. This is so me. :( I very much relate to it. Trey will even tell me, "Momma, put your phone down and look." How SAD is that??? That's a big slap in the face, right there. And reading the words as I type breaks my heart. :(

    But I have to agree w/ Lindsay B....I'm *just* a SAHM, who lives in s teeny blip of a town, and who cannot go out and visit friends b/c both of my BFFs are working/college Mommas. Social networking is my outlet to the "real world" where I have come to know and have become close with LOTS of people. Mostly Mommas. Even if they do live all over the country or even half way around the world! BUT...I shall try my best to MAKE.THE.TIME. for my 2 boys. Put down the phone...stay off the comp...and just be with them. Today, that is my goal.

    Thanks for this, Momma. I needed it. <3 xx

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  12. Guilty as charged! I talked about this a bit on my 31 days yesterday too. It's a shame,almost embarrassing to admit, but I think we are all guilty to a point. Damn technology!

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  13. Guilty here too!

    We had a no technology rule until 8 for a while and it was wonderful, but we slowly worked back into our "normal."

    Great reminder my friend :)

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  14. I think we are all guilty of this... I think all of these forms of social media that are right at our fingertips are part of it. Back when our moms were raising us, they met up for coffee- these days we just get online to have our coffee get togethers. I definitely will catch myself playing half-heartedly and feel guilty about it. This is an excellent post, AP!

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  15. I've felt this way a lot lately. It's terrible, I'll be busy doing *whatever* when Gabe comes in for something and I'll tell him "just a minute" and that minute turns into 10. I always feel bad about doing it, and then I end up doing it again later.
    This whole mothering with Intent sounds like something I need to work on myself.

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  16. Yes, yes, and yes! Honestly? I am really bad about this. I get a lot of time to "play" at work and when I get home my full attention should be on them.

    I honestly think I'm addicted to my iphone!!! I sometimes can't put it down. What I really want is after dinner to sit down at the table and work on coloring or a craft. That would be mothering with intent!

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  17. And another one guilty as charged. Honestly I think that those of us who thrive on connecting with other moms have the hardest time. I just love seeing what other people are doing and reading what other people are thinking and being connected .... that sometimes I am definitely half-present. I think I need to create "phone free" zones or times. I never bring the phone into bath/bedtime with T, but I need to do more of that. Nothing is that urgent.

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  18. You are not alone here, mama! The iPhone, Instagram, social media - everything and everyone is so accessible. I'm cognizant of how much I spend fiddling around on the iPhone yet it's so hard to put down. Thanks for the reminder. I hope I can keep my son (and the hubs too!) my number one priority always.

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