Some days, I live with my priorities out of whack. Guided by deadlines, to-do lists and things that I think are important when in reality they are never more important than my children.
It makes me cringe to write these words out but too many times I've shushed the baby or snapped at Carter, "just let Mommy finish this one sentence, this one picture, this one ____," which then turns into two or three or more.
I need to work on Mothering With Intent.
The word "intent" implies a sustained unbroken commitment or purpose.
A sustained unbroken commitment.
Sounds like something I could do for my children, no? Pledge an unbroken commitment to them. To engage with them. To cultivate in them. To sit down with them and really listen to what they have to say. After all, if I had to think of anyone as deserving of my undivided attention, they would be at the very top of my list.
And I should commit to do these things whole-heartedly. Not while flipping through a stranger's pictures on Instagram, their tiny voices drowned out by the tap-tapping of my fingers on the computer keyboard as I compose a blog post.
I owe them so much more than that. How would I feel half-listened to? Half-played with? What if they internalized these actions and grew up to feel "half-loved?" That last one might be a stretch but isn't it possible? They shouldn't have to compete with to-do lists and deadlines for their mother's attention.
The thought alone breaks my heart and I need to do something about it. I need to do something about it while my children are still little. While they don't realize that I'm half-listening. Half-engaging.
They deserve to be whole-loved. Whole-listened to. Whole-played with. I need to work on Mothering With Intent and that's exactly what I intend to do.