Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Contentment And My Voice.

Everyone has been sharing their words for 2013 lately. 

Words like "simplify," "present," "abide," and "gratitude" and as I've sat here at this desk so many nights of late and truly struggled with what to write, I've decided that my word for 2013 is content. After all, content is just the place I find myself sitting in today. This minute. This very second. It is where I was these last two weeks writing this post and it's where I hope to be two weeks from now, six months from now. Hell, it's where I hope to find myself another thirty years from now.

I started writing behind I Love You More Than Carrots with a year of marriage underneath my belt. It was a time in my life when I was learning how to nurture and grow a marriage in which my husband spent the better part of our days traveling for business. It was a time in which I learned responsibility, how to stand on my own and I began to find my voice while working full-time as a registered oncology nurse. 

It wasn't so much that I was bored at this time in my life. It is not to mistake bored with having some extra time on my hands in the evenings which is exactly when I would sit down to write but I didn't have as many responsibilities as I do now. Welcome distractions. Commitments. Books to be read and little bodies to bathe. A husband who is home for dinner each night. 

My life is much different now than it was four years ago. During the last four years I've written through birthdays and anniversaries. Through vacations and the funny things my husband would say. I've written through leaving a job I loved, pregnancies and now babies. Twice. 

With each new happening my voice changed.  

As a new mom I began writing about my many misadventures in mothering. The misadventures that started during the nine months before my oldest was ever born. I found encouragement in my shortcomings and the shared stories and advice of seasoned moms. As time passed with the birth of my second baby I found myself becoming the seasoned voice that many other new moms looked to. 

I no longer doubt myself as a mother the way that I first did. I don't question every little decision that presents itself. I am confident in myself as both a wife and a mother and believe that I am doing the very best in each of those areas of my life. 

Do I still have days where I struggle? Of course I do but those days don't knock me off course the way they once did. I simply dust myself off, make a change, learn a lesson and keep going.

And so my voice changes.

As my thirtieth birthday approaches, I've begun to reflect on my life and where I am at this milestone checkpoint of sorts. Without going into too much detail, my most important takeaway is that I am content. 

I am truly happy with where I am perhaps not geographically but I find solace knowing that this place isn't permanent. That this isn't our forever home and I continue to hold onto hope that one day we will find ourselves back in Pennsylvania where our story began.

I have to believe that my contentment is responsible for the lack of meaningful content lately. I just don't have much to say. I've never felt like this and I'm not quite sure what to do with it. 

Rather than fill this space with pictures and forced stories, which if I'm being honest, rarely read well anyways, I'm going to write when moved to do so. 

And so my voice changes. 

I have loved chronicling our lives and sharing them here over these last four years and will continue to do so but I want to remain in love with this space and when I struggle with coming up with content because I just don't have the words, I love it less. 

I don't want to love it less.  I want to be as in love with writing here as I was four years ago. 

Here's to being content. 

16 comments :

  1. Yeah, sometimes it feels like I'm trying too hard to come up with something to write. And you're right, I don't want to love blogging less. That has happened to me a few times over the six years I've been writing. I'm content with where I am in my life and if that means writing less than that is what has to happen.

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  2. It's a gift, this contentment. Glad you're embracing it!

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  3. Love this!

    First, every post of yours reads well...I love them all!

    Secondly, I know exactly what you mean with being content and writing when you feel moved. With my last blog, "Confessions of a Domestic Goddess," I felt an intense amount of self-imposed pressure to crank out five posts a week....and I feel my blog suffered because of it.

    With Haute Granola, my goal is 1-2 posts a week....I usually don't have much more in me than that.

    xo.

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  4. Your wonderful words are what keep us all coming back for more. Post when you are inspired to do so. I know I, for one, will be on the lookout.

    Xo, B
    Brooklynstateofmindblog.blogspot.com

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  5. I think writing that is pure and honest, like yours always is, should change as your voice changes. So glad to hear that you're content! As well you should be! :)

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  6. Beautiful words and amazingly written. I think sometimes we put so much pressure on ourselves because we think we're expected to be or do something - but really, we just need to be content with being the awesome that we are ... then you're golden.

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  7. Being content and loving your life is an amazing feeling. This is something that can be difficult for some to reach :)

    I wish I had 1/3 of your wonderful way with words! I have many things I'd love to write about, but I can never do them justice. whether it be lack of skill or time & being distracted by all of the stuff, I'm content. and I'm lovin' it.

    Cheers!

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  8. Well said, well said! You know I ADORE you and whatever you choose to write about I'll be reading..heck I'd be satisfied with just a daily picture or two of the M boys. Throw in a pic or two of their gorgeous momma while you're at it. Oh, and a little snark please.

    Contentment is so hard to achieve and I'm so happy you're there. :)

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  9. I'll say I agree with everyone above me that says they love your writing style and that everyone struggles at times.

    Side note: If you move back to PA, I'll babysit! Woot! And I really mean watch your kids, not sitting on babies as my husband jokes he is prone to do.

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  10. Leave Maryland! You can't ;) We would miss your face! (I secretly think about it daily as well)

    Regardless of how many times you post a week, I always look forward to reading them. It is funny or inspiring or just plan adorable!

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  11. With the world always telling us we need MORE! BIGGER! BETTER!, finding contentment is quite a blessing.

    And I would be super stoked if you moved back to PA. We could have playdates at KoP!

    xoxo

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  12. Love this. Love even more that you are content. That really what life is all about. It's not about who, what, where, when...it's more about WITH. And to me, when your with those you love and cherish that's what's most important, and when I find myself most content. I'm so proud of you for not feeling bound to this blog, because as with all things we love and do, they need to be a joy, not a burden. Here's to joy, sister. Joy overflowing!

    Love you much!

    xoxoxoxox

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  13. Mama-this is exactly where I am trying to get- I feel like once you can become content, you have a sense of inner peace that may not have existed before. As always your post is beautifully written and I am marking it as a favorite for myself! Lots of love!

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  14. You are so true. I love how you think, and how you stick to what you love and believe!

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  15. this was one of my goals for 2013. to focus on the great things about my life and be happy with them, rather than waste too much energy worrying about the negative. new reader here from from mrs. to mama!

    aloha,
    erica
    www.mitodoblog.com

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As always, thanks so much for reading ILYMTC. If you have any questions about a post or want to get in touch with me (or any of the cast of characters here at ILYMTC) email me at iloveyoumorethancarrots(at)gmail(dot)com.

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