Friday, June 17, 2011

Blood, Baptisms, Frosting From A Can and Melissa G's Poly-Blend Spandex Dress. (Or Not).

1. In my quest to ditch the Mom-Uniform and start wearing what I refer to as "real clothes," I've now managed to get blood on not one but two brand new JCrew T's. The first was a stranger's (apologies for bringing up the vommy feeling so early in the day) and this morning I found myself busting out the Hydrogen Peroxide just minutes before 9am because a certain 103lbs. sheepdog decided to pounce on the big toe of a certain 10 month old. 

2. I'm roughly a few glasses of wine short of losing my shit. Why? Because we're getting ready to host nearly 55 friends and family at our home for Carter's Baptism this weekend. Being of sound mind, I had brilliant plans to rent out a back room of a local restaurant, however that's not apparently "how we do" down here in Maryland. The Husband figured we'd save a little moo-la by hosting the party in our backyard. In an earnest attempt to avoid finding ourselves on TLC's next big show, "Redneck Backyard BBQ," I've been going out of my mind crazy trying to coordinate table and chair rentals, catering, cake-baking and the like. Husband? For the record? We ain't saving any moo-la. Sorry, Charlie.

3. Did I mention there will be a Cassata cake at this celebration? Oh, because there will be. And the nearest Italian bakery? Forty-five minutes away. 

4. And no, I will not be wearing a bedazzled hot-pink slice of poly-blend spandex a la Melissa G. this weekend. I know, I'm sure many of you had your hopes up, but I just couldn't steal her thunder. Not to mention, I didn't have time to book my personal hair or makeup stylist either. So? A JCrew shift dress and glitter wedges, it is. However, I am trying to squeeze in a little spray tan action. 

5. It's that time of the month and in celebration I've been eating frosting out of a can with a spoon. Maybe even at or after each meal of the day. What do I always say? No judgies. So zip the lip ladies

6. The M House has four bathrooms. Do you know how much that sucks? I'll tell you. A whole freaking bunch. Want to know a secret? One of them is rarely used. Therefore? It's rarely cleaned. That's just how we roll. 

7. Speaking of cleaning, I have about 539 things to check off of my To-Do list today and neither Blogging nor Twitter are one of the 539. Good thing it's all I want to be doing today

Alright, Loyals. That's all I've got for you today! 
Have a fabulous weekend! 
Give all your Daddies out there a big giant squeeze from us- 
In honor of mine, I'll be telling you all just how 
I Love You More Than Carrots 
came to be on Monday! 

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  1. No "judgies" here because I do the SAME thing;) I may even make raw cake batter and eat it like that... REMEMBER no judgies!!!

  2. How exciting about his baptism this weekend. I couldn't imagine having 55 people over on top of everything else you have to do. It sounds like it is going to be beautiful though.

    Also, no judgies about the icing. I am a sucker for icing as well and melted marshmallows.

    If I was closer I would totally come and help you clean...sending lots of luck your way!

  3. The blood on the new JCrew items? Exactly why I wear a tshirt and sweats daily, ha! I feel like I look like a bag lady Mon-Friday, then actually dress myself on the weekends, it's ridic!

    Good luck with C's shindig, I'm sure it will be wonderful! Can't wait to hear about it and see photos :)


  4. This whole post just made my day!
    I wish you the best of luck and a wonderful weekend with the Baptism. You'll be having too much fun to stress I'm sure.
    And in honor of time of the month I will join you in the indulging of the icing. I need some funfetti in my life stat!

  5. good luck with everything this weekend! sounds like it will be quite the party. I totally understand on the saving money thing---it sounds like a great idea and then it never usually ends up happening.

  6. I was really hoping for the Melissa G dress ..... seriously!

    I mean who wears that to a BAPTISM?! A club ... I get that!

  7. I was literally telling myself "You don't have TIME for THIS SHIZ!!!" when I opened up my reader to find you :) Have a GREAT weekend and FAB party!

    And seriously? Why did he think a home BBQ would be cheaper? Plus? Nobody else cleans up after you.

    Huz nixed my purty white tent rental for Kitty's b'day. I was all "But it's JULY!" and he was all, "Not my fault!" And I was like, "Well, it KIND OF is!" And he was like, "we have a COVERED deck!" Husbands. Sigh.

  8. I hope the party turns out fab... Actually I know it will... your the hostess with the mostess!!!!!!!!!!

  9. Regarding number five: Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches. I ate TWO yesterday.

  10. I hope your husband is going to be sweating at the grill this weekend...last baptism you'll host at home! LOL about not wearing Melissa G's dress...she lived in my hometown for a few years before she met her hubs (she is NOT from there!) up the street from my parents. Thankfully she left. And NO JUDGIES, especially on the frosting. I've been known to do that, and I don't really bake that often...if at please no judgies back! Hope it's a wonderful weekend for you! God Bless Carter on his baptism!

  11. Yeahhh, we're gonna need to see pictures of said J Crew shift dress and sparkly wedges, k, thanks.

  12. Happy Baptism Carter-ito! And uh, 50+ peeps at my house would send me into full blown anxiety. Kudos, mama. Good luck and have a great weekend!

  13. You are hilarious!! Love this post!!

  14. Girlfriend - I eat frosting out of the can even when it's NOT my time of the month. Hope it all goes well this weekend.

  15. Love the non mom outfit comment... hysterical!!! xxoo

  16. First, I'm glad I'm not the only mama who didn't get her baby baptized right at 5 weeks old or something. Basically because I just...haven't.

    Frosting out of the can? Yes, please.

    Can't wait to see photos, and I hope all goes well!

  17. Why do guys always think doing it yourself is cheaper?? It never is and there is a price tag on sanity :) But it made for a hilarious post that put a smile on my face. Good luck this weekend! You deserve some pampering after hosting 55 people - crazy!


  18. I have to admit, I do NOT envy you this weekend. We hosted only 25 people for M's baptism and I 'lost my shit' every day for about two weeks....and even that day. My thoughts will be with you and hopefully so will a lot of wine at the end of it all!

  19. Happy weekend to you too, Mama! You're a brave brave woman to have that many people over to your casa. Maybe you can just ply them with copious amounts of booze and corral them into the backyard so you don't have to worry about picking up the house...? Just a thought. :)

  20. Frosting out of the can is practically a food group at my house. And the bathroom in our basement? Yeah I don't even know the last time we cleaned it. No one ever goes down there!

  21. Good luck this weekend! I'm sure everything will turn out great even if you are not trying to replicate Melissa's "look." ;)

  22. I want to see pictures already! You better post them with a quickness on Sunday before I lose MY shit ;) Kidding. Kind of. If I were really the losing shit kind, I would have already done it over the fact that you STILL owe me an email..

    i kid, i kid.

    Have a great weekend ;)

  23. Oh my! I'm LMS over here about having 15 people over... but in all fairness, we just moved in a month ago. Needless to say, after having a minor emotional breakdown over having neither my dad or step dad alive to celebrate tomorrow AND having a certain Aunt in town, my shit currently resides in the garbage can wadded up n some Puffs Plus.

    Alright, I'm over myself now. Hope Carter's Baptism goes off w/o a hitch and of course we'll all be waiting to see some pictures of the cutie. :)

  24. I hope your clothes stay clean, the baptism went well, the cake arrived in one piece, and everything got cleaned!!!
    As for the frosting? Im SO with you girl!!:)


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