Friday, September 11, 2009

Sometimes, I Hate People.

Picture the following scenario, if you will:

It's 5:30am. It's torrentially downpouring and yours truly is outside, wearing mismatched pajamas and Dansko clogs (because Hubs claims $195.00 Burberry Wellies are not a dire neccessity), carrying an oversized umbrella and coaxing an overtired Sheepie to "hurry up and do poops."

We're walking up and down the street, down and up the street and god forbid, someone or something were to even threaten to break Sullivan's focus, I would truly end the life of whomever or whatever was the culprit, with my bare hands. Grumble Grumble Snarl. (As you can see, I'm quite the happy camper at 5:30am in the torrential downpour).

Now, let me say for the record that I always pick up after the dog. I learned very quickly that Sullivan is often times a "two-bagger" on morning walks and sometimes a "three-bagger" on our later walks in the evening. I carry a stash of those ridiculously overpriced poop bags with me wherever I go. Pockets of my JCREW trench? You'll find one in there. Glove compartment of my car? Yep, that's good for two or three of those bags. I even found one of those bags tumbling around the dryer with the last load of laundry I did.

I. always. pickup. after. MY. dog.

So, back to the story at hand. While I'm standing out in the torrential downpour trying to balance an umbrella with a now-pooping Sheepie, I hear this voice.. reminiscent of the Wizard of Oz.. yell something akin to, "something, something, something, DOG!"

Keep in mind, I'm half asleep and looking around for another person, the owner of the voice. There is no one on the street with me. Again, the voice yells, "Yeah! I'm talking to you! You'd better pick up after your dog!"

Ok. Remember to breathe. Count backwards from ten. 10. 9. 8. (As I'm bending over, umbrella flying sideways, rain pouring down the back of my trench, Sheepie yanking on his leash, practically tearing my left limb from it's socket, attempting to pick up the dog poop) 7. 6...

And then, oozing maturity, I scream at the top of my lungs, "F*&K YOU, LADY! F*&K YOU!"

I'll admit. It wasn't one of my finer moments. But honestly? Mysterious Voice Screamer, who do you think you are? Yelling at me from the comforts of your dry home, knowing full well that I walk my dog up and down the street daily, always picking up after him.

Ugh. Sometimes, I hate people.

Happy Rainy Friday.

23 comments :

  1. In our old place, there was this really cranky guy who lived down the street. I kid you not, sometimes he would GET IN HIS CAR and FOLLOW Chris or me, watching to make sure that we picked up after Bear. One time, Chris was walking over to the doggy stand where they kept the bags, and halfway there, Bear did his business. Chris was 5 steps from the stand, so he kept walking to get a bag. This guy got out of his car and started lecturing Chris about not picking up after our dog. Chris' response? "I know that you've watched my wife and I from your car, so you know we pick up after him. If you don't quit following us, we're going to call the police." And that was the end of that. Some people.

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  2. Oh man that sounds like a horrible morning. I would've probably picked up the poo bag and then set it right on the door mat of the house that the voice was coming from. I think you handled it well.

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  3. Hysterical... and the two bagger and three bagger, I totally hear you.. Thunder is like that in the morning... and I love how you yelled at that lady, like give me a break.... xxxooo

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  4. That is so lame! Oh I would've been pissed. Especially since you take the time to do it everyday! Er!

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  5. What an awful person to be yelling at people at 5:30 in the morning!! I'm glad you screamed back at her! :)

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  6. yikes! I don't blame you though. I'm not going to lie I would've yelled the same thing! lol

    Hope your day gets better!

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  7. Do not feel bad! I would have had the same exact reaction, I guarantee it! :-)

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  8. Oh my gosh, that is SO freaking annoying! One time, I was walking Oscar in the neighborhood, when this mean lady came out of her house and pointed at some shit in her front yard. She asked if MY DOG had done that. Never mind the fact that there were approximately 5720385 dogs in that neighborhood. I respectfully said "No." She then went into a long lecture about how people should pick up after their dogs. Um, lady, what the crap? My dog didn't shit on your lawn, and I'm holding an empty poop bag just WAITING for the big moment. Yell at someone else!!!

    I hated that lady.

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  9. dude i cannot stand people like that! i don't blame you one single bit. you should pick up the poop and set it on her doorstep next time. maybe put a bow on it. glitter. stuff like that..

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  10. Oh, this is so stinkin funny! And I totally would have yelled at crabby lady too!

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  11. You were nicer than I probably would have been! What an asshole that person is!

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  12. I totally would have had the same reaction. Neighbors be damned.

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  13. Haha, too cute. Thanks for picking up after your dog. You could be like my cougar-lady-neighbor who lets her FOUR dogs out at one time, no leash, and lets them come into our yard to poop. The first time it happened (when we first moved in), she swore she'd "be back to pick it up" because she "always" does. Yeah, right. Okay...

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  14. HA!!! Go you! I had a similar instance....but my dog was going #1...helllloooo - can't exactly pick that up. I just gave them an evil, questioning stare. Clearly I don't have the guts you do ;)

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  15. Hahaha that's so true! I will murder anyone who breaks my dog's concentration, especially when it's pouring rain!

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  16. 1) sheepies are very strong, stubborn and not easy to control.
    2) it's one of those weeks i've decided - people have been really mean this week!
    3) good for you! that person sounds like a serious b. there's a lady on our street that leaves us nasty notes when we park "in her spot." hello, it's a public street. i've wanted to tell her that phrase a time or two.

    ps- only another sheepie owner can truly appreciate their very odd and often random gi tract. i came home today to an EXPLOSION. multiple explosions scattered around the kitchen on on a rug, to be specific. gag. poor pup.

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  17. Ugh, what a jerk! I'm glad you yelled back at her!

    How irritating. But also makes for hilarious reading :)

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  18. Oh, I'd have done it. Some people are literally more rude than I can ever imagine, and they deserve every bit of the F bomb they get!

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  19. Seriously whose up being the poop police at 5.30 am?!?! I would have lost it!!

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  20. Been there, done that.
    People are such assholes. I have a great dane and anytime there is dog potties ANYWHERE people blame me. helloooooo if you were not a total idiot you would know that when my dog poops it's 10 times larger than that. Grrr.
    I agree with you, sometimes, I really really hate people.

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