I've written a few times in the past year about finding balance and mothering with intent. It's something that I struggle with daily but after making concerted efforts each day to welcome the toddler into my lap and not tell him "just one more second" when he comes walking over to me with two books in hand or responding to his request to "puh-lay choo-choo's" with "mommy just needs to finish this" it gets a little easier.
Do I fail sometimes? Of course I do. I am human and I have deadlines to meet and contracts to uphold and truth be told, sometimes when I'm in the thick of editing or writing I can't just up and walk away at the drop of a hat and that's usually when I like to think that I'm teaching my children "patience" or something along those lines.
For the most part, however, I've done exactly what I set out to do almost a year ago when I first wrote about finding balance. My computer time is limited throughout the day and I'll only sit down to write if the boys are in bed or it's been a day that requires a "mandatory quiet hour." I tried to be selfish with the 5am hour that nobody wants and I failed miserably. It's too early and dragging myself from bed at that hour after a night of chopped up sleep wasn't pretty on me. So I've become selfish with the midnight hour that no one wants. When my house is quiet and everyone is asleep, that's when I find my time. For now it works and I don't feel guilty as if I were stealing time away from my kids during the day.
Coffee helps. A lot of coffee.
I'm proud of myself. I really am. With the connected-ness that comes so easy to us these days, what with our i-things and our laptops and netbooks, I'm proud of myself that I've managed to disconnect at the right times.
Because let's face it. Collapsing on the family room floor with my boys after a wild Justin Beiber dance party on a Thursday afternoon trumps anything I could have written that day any way.