This is obviously not the blog post I had intended to write today. I had intended to whip up this grand post showcasing both my wonderful Polyvore skills as well as my priceless wit and wisdom as a photographer and link up with these two moms as they share "What To Wear Where.. Family Photo Shoot" style. And then? I was going to write blog posts for the rest of the week and respond to the kajillion important emails that I have been neglecting, not on purpose mind you.
Instead, thanks to a Craptastic day of Mothering, this is all you're getting. I apologize in advance for the curse words.
Parenting two children, at least my two children, is fucking hard. Some days, I don't know how you Moms of Two manage to shower let alone get dressed in real clothing, edit pictures, write blog posts, cook dinners, meet friends, host play dates, love on your husbands, walk the dog, pin crafts, make said crafts and teach your Toddler how to speak a second language, video it and further share it on Facebook.
This may shock some of you but I'm lucky if I do one of those things each day. And clearly teaching my child a second language is not high on my priority list. We're having enough trouble with English, thank you very much.
Today? I suck at mothering. So much, in fact, that my Cool Mom Patient Mom card should be revoked. So much, in fact, that I should be put in Indefinite Mom Time Out only after having my mouth washed out with soap.
Please don't tell me how I'm such a great mother. Please don't tell me tomorrow is a new day. I know these things. I know I'm not a terrible person but if you heard me screaming at The Toddler today? You might think otherwise. I certainly do. I screamed so loud that not only did I make him cry but I scared the bajeezus out of the baby as well.
Hi, I'm Scary Screamy Mommy. Have we met?
Today is one of those days where I'm meeting basic needs and the rest can shove it. The only outing we might make today? Will be to the liquor store and I'm not kidding. There isn't a single drop of wine in this house and there is more than enough whine to go around.
I'm wearing the same yoga pants three days in a row. I smell of sour milk and could give the homeless hobos in nearby Manhattan a run for their money. Sure, I could shower now but I run the risk of waking said Toddler who, after finally going down for a nap, has been awake and downright foul since 4am this morning.
So here I sit. In my own funk. Writing about how much today has kicked my ass and taken my name.
Remind me of this day when I say I want to have another baby.