The Post You've All Been Waiting For.

I wanted to share with you a recent guest post that I had written for one of my absolute favorite Smug Mommies. It's all about those times when motherhood downright trips you and sweetens the pot by then kicking you in the kidney. No, Loyals. I'm not just re-posting this guest post. In fact, there's an alternate ending I've included just for you. Believe me when I say this.. you won't want to miss it! 

Just when you thought it was safe to say that you've finally mastered the art of Motherhood, your toddler goes and does one or more! or all! of the following. Thus otherwise proving to you, that you in fact, have absolutely no idea what you are doing. Even after sixteen months. 

Just when you thought it was safe to say that you've finally mastered the art of Motherhood, your fifteen month old, while in Rare Toddler Form, takes off running up and down the family room sectional, an act that you have forebode many a time, culminating in an impromptu swan dive off of the rear arm landing right smack on his noggin. With a side of temple-to-cheek rug burn to boot. 

Motherhood = 1. AP = 0. 

Just when you thought it was safe to say that you've finally beat Motherhood into some sense of submission, your 15 month nabs your Breakfast Dr. Pepper on the sly (no judgies) and takes off running with it into the kitchen. Only then does he proceed to spill the entire can of said Breakfast Dr. Pepper topping the whole disastrous situation off by laying down in the middle of the puddle trying to lick up his mess. Mothering at it's finest, Pretties. 

Motherhood = 2. AP = 0. 

Just when you thought it was safe to say, "I kicked Motherhood's Ass Tush!" Daylight Saving Time rolls around and royally screws up the months of sleep scheduling you've worked so hard on with your Crazy Wildebeest Toddler, thus rendering them asleep at 6pm and wide awake shouting your name at 5:30 in the morning. I always thought hearing my child lovingly say my name would bring tears to my eyes, but at dark o' clock in the morning, friends? It makes me want to choke myself with my Yuppy Tempurpedic sleep mask. 

Motherhood = 3. AP = 0. 


Just when you thought you had this whole Motherhood thing figured out, your toddler decides its time to cut not one, not two, but three of his molars all at the same time. Do you know what this means? Frankly, there is not enough Children's Motrin and Ketel One this side of the Mason Dixon line to survive Molar Teething. For clarification, the Motrin is for the toddler. The Ketel One for his sanity-hemorrhaging, grey-hair sporting, weary-apparent Mother. 

Mothering is not for the weak. Motherhood = 4. AP = 0. 


And lastly, dear Loyals, just when you thought it was safe to say that you've truly gone and made Motherhood your Pretty Little B*itch, you wake up one morning after a serious weekend bender, only to pee on a Pretty Little Stick and find a second pink line staring lovingly back at you in your face. 

Motherhood = 5. AP +1. Literally. 


And because everyone loves a good belly picture.. Look who accompanied us on last week's date night! 

Oh, Loyals.. Do I have a slew of posts headed to a Reader near you. There's just so much you need to be caught up on! You know, like how I'll be a Mama to two under two for a whole. entire. month this summer! Baby M number two.. headed this way June 2012! Yay!!