Monday, August 15, 2011

The REAL Things This Mommy Can't Live Without

You've all seen the posts- the ones where Mommies post really important things, whether they be toys, clothes, blankets, pacifiers, bottles, etc. that have really helped them survive whatever phase of mommyhood they currently find themselves in. Sure, those are all fine and great and helpful at best- but I'm here to share with you the things I couldn't possibly survive any day without. 

And of course, I'm doing so in true AP-style.

1. Car iPhone Charger
For whatever reason, the last thirty minutes of any long car trip always seem to bring out the best in Carter. And by "best" I mean "pterodactyl screams, head-thrashing and seat-kicking."  At this point he has usually exhausted his usual repertoire of car toys- including but not limited to an Elmo microphone, set of stacking blocks, plastic keys, hanging links, rubber soccer ball, singing soccer ball and/or 357 Crunchies. This is when I  break out the big guns and unplug the car iPhone charger. Go ahead and laugh, but it's good for at least another 18-20 minutes of silent C. So what if he might gnaw on the little metal end a bit? I'm sure it only strengthens his gums. 

2. Empty Red Solo Cup
One of C's favorite activities is to raid the pantry for any and all Crunchies, Puffs and Red Solo Cups. I don't quite understand the attraction, but let me tell you. It is quite the love affair. C has been known to de-stack a Costco Wholesale size pack of Red Solo Cups in under 5 minutes. I swear this must be some sort of a record. He will then proceed to scatter them about the kitchen, absconding with one or two or ten of them which I will later find in his room or in the dog's bed. Hey, whatever gives Mama 3 minutes to sit down and watch her "stories." And by "stories" I mean Housewives Reunions and Teen Mom recaps. 

3. Wall iPhone Charger
I know what you're thinking, "You're not going to tell us that you let him play with it while it's plugged in, right AP?" And you're right, Loyals. C has mastered the art of unplugging this wall iPhone Charger just so that he can trail it behind him as he walks all over the house. It's almost as if he's walking a pretend puppy. Hmm.. Maybe he's trying to tell us something? See Husband? I  was right. C totally wants another Sheepie brother...

4. Car Keys with Coach Lobster Key Fob
Perfect for throwing from a grocery cart while standing in line to checkout while some imbecile tries to abuse the coupon system and simultaneously write out the world's slowest check. I mean, who writes checks anymore anyways? The Coach Lobster Key Fob is especially important because it's delicious. Apparently. So say the little Carter teeth marks that now adorn it.  

5. Library Card/DSW Customer Card/Safeway Club Card
Please note, never, under any circumstance, no matter how bad the meltdown, hand your child your credit card. Or debit card or any other piece of plastic living in your wallet that you cannot live without. Why? Regardless of how much of an "angel" your Johnny, Susan or Sally is, they will lose it. The millisecond that it takes to blink your eye? Gone. Never to be seen again. How this happens, I may never know. It's magic. However, I will say that these cards have saved many a Mama AP's hiney when out and about sans toys. 

6. Dog Leash
After tiring of dragging the iPhone Wall Charger about the house, C will most often look for the dog leash. He loves this thing so much that the Husband and I actually mulled over buying him a brand new one of is own. It doesn't always need to be attached to the dog, either. As a matter of fact, it may actually be even more fun when not clipped to the neck of a 108lb Sheepdog. Although, Carter and Sheepie have also been known for play for at LEAST thirty minutes this way. That's practically eternity in this Mama's book.

7. Endless looped video of The Wiggles
It's true. I've been holding out on you. All that talk about Mickey and The Hot Dog Song? Ha! Sure, C loves himself a good showing of the mouse with the creepy voice and big white hands, but it isn't until The Wiggles make an appearance that C becomes entranced. Literally, his eyes go all glassy and once would think that he's either just seen a ghost or he's suddenly been frozen in time. I can almost watch the drool beads forming on the corners of his mouth. Sure, the thought of 4 Australian men might cause me to do the same, however something tells me The Wiggles may be a bit light in their.. loafers. "Mash Bahnah-nah, mash bahnah-nah..."

8. Chardonnay
Well, this is just self-explanatory. 

There you have it, Loyals. Straight from the mouth of babes sassy blog writers. Happy Monday! 

Oh and in case you're looking for a bit extra sass, I'm being featured over here today!

{click button to see feature and visit one hot Mama's blog!}

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  1. Wow, I thought we were the only ones who watch the Wiggles! And not because of me, no of course not, for the baby obviously. I mean, really.

    Cold spaghetti, cold spaghetti..

  2. So glad mine isn't the only one with a solo cup obsession.

  3. Love it! And? I've got a similar post in my drafts...just so you don't think I'm a big fat blog-thief when it posts :)

    Did you link to your feature? Cuz I can't find anywhere to click - and I'm sooooo curious about the MIL drama. I'd love to see some more regular posts about her ;)

  4. Dammit.


    That was me. But you know that. Who has about SIX TOO MANY gmail accounts? ::raises hand::

  5. He has good taste!

    It's always amazing that we spend so much time and money looking for the perfect toys for our kids and they really just want cords and plastic crap.

  6. hahaha Yep, my kid loves the computer charger cord. :)
    And we haven't gotten into the Wiggles yet, but he does the same thing with Curious George.

  7. The Wiggles creep me out. Well, really anything where grown men act that way gives me the creeps. Australian or not. :o)

  8. So, I felt that finding out you play the drums was worthy of a THIRD comment today :) You are a woman of many talents!

    And, yeah, I'm not sure how I missed that graphic earlier. Was it the screaming baby? Not enough coffee? We may never know...

  9. My boys have not yet met the wiggles, mainly because I cannot handle it haha! Bad mom alert! I am so excited I found your blog, were like soul sistas, we just did a carnival party for my sons birthday this past weekene, you had some amazing ideas I wish I would had seen them a week earlier, ugh! I loved your post on beckys blog, i stood up to my SIL and luckily she learned to shut her mouth around me, it was unbearable, so I feel for you on the unwanted advice. Sorry you MIL didnt get the memo! Lol

  10. Ethan is also a lover of dog leashes and belts? Who knew!

  11. So are these the things I should register for if I get pregnant?! Haha.

  12. I love how Chardonay is on the list :)

  13. Just read your post over on Becky's Blog. Oh AP, I wish I could share my MIL with you! You deserve a great one like mine who lets you do your thing and makes fun of your hubby with you.

    And PB Kids stars above the changing table...only the coolest of cool have those.

  14. too funny!! so glad my kid is not the only one who loves to play with bizarre things!

    where's our Carter photo of the day?? :(

  15. They are kindred spirits. Eva is always unplugging the iphone charger and wants to chew on the end of it. And, not a red solo cup, but she may or may not have 5 empty water bottles in her toy box. Hm, what else? The wiggles? She met them for the first time a week or two ago. We were at a friends and she looked at the TV all weird like for a bit (we don't have cable so she never really sees TV), then climbed up me to stand up on the couch and started moving her arms and hips and "danced" for about 35 minutes.

  16. You are hysterical. Love this list. :)

  17. LOL non toys are awesome! My friends kid likes to drag around belts! peebs these days is obcessed with some plastic bowls and a good turvis tumbler. They make awesome loud noise when thrown on the hardwood. Perhaps i need some solo cups!!

  18. haha, love your tips! I'll keep these in mind for the "someday."

  19. RUNNING to the MIL post....

    Shoot, spilled my wine on the way over!!!

  20. car keys are the only thing that gets me through a grocery store trip! I would add a calculator (seriously she'll pound on it for hours!) and a cell phone (has to light up). Those get me through the day!!

  21. Oh red Solo cups are a must in our house too, she's a fan of the dixie cup as well. It's the little things. Yesterday I let her thrown an entire folded basket of laundry on the floor so I could blog. How's that?

  22. Hey AP! I'm commenting to the blog you were featured on. My son (18 months) also wears Luvs. And he has been peeing the bed on/off for like the last couple months. Seriously I was washing sheets like every other day. Anyways, I took your advice about the Huggies Overnites, one size up, and he did NOT have an accident. Amen!! You would think I would remember these types of things since I have a 12 year old and 10 year old also. Thanks for the advice!


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