Thursday, August 18, 2011

Remember That Time I Locked C and Myself Out Of The House?

Oh yes, yes I do. I remember it as if it were yesterday Tuesday. If you're not catching on, I really did lock C and myself out of our house on Tuesday. For over an hour. Thankfully it was a gorgeous seventy-six degrees. Unfortunately, I was wearing my Mom Uniform and had Crazy Hair. Here's how it went down.

C and I walked out into the backyard through our french doors in the basement. The kind of french doors that have a door knob and a dead bolt lock. Let me preface this by saying that we never leave the house through the basement but had been previously running amok through the basement playroom so in truth, it was the easiest and quickest way outside for the impromptu photo sesh I was about to bust out. 

I mean, C's colors are obviously green and navy and I practically jumped at the chance to put him in long sleeves and drag him outside to play. I just couldn't pass the opportunity up. So? Out into the backyard we go. 

Snap-happy and shooting away, I'm chasing C around the backyard. He's running laps up and down the lawn and playing on the Creepy Life Size Doll House that resides in our backyard. I shouldn't need to add that it came with the house. Nor should I need to add that I have dreams of burning that sucker down on a weekly basis.   

After roughly thirty minutes passes, I decide it's time to head inside. I corral C and head towards the basement door. You know the one I'm talking about. The one with the locked doorknob. And unlocked deadbolt. What the eff. 

Okay, fine. There are, like, three other entryways into our house. Let's try the sliding door on the deck. The one that hasn't been used in a week. Nope, locked. 

Okay, let's try the garage door. The garage door that's been on the fritz and has been in both automatic and manual mode more times than I can imagine in one week. Of course it's on automatic mode. And locked. It doesn't even matter that my car is unlocked because the little garage door opener thingy that it came with needs to be reset. You know, since the Fritzy Garage Door has been all sorts of wonky lately. 

And well, despite knowing that the front door is locked because I can hear the "click" of the lock setting in as I closed the door after unloading groceries earlier that day, I trudge toward it with C on my hip. Locked. 

Fuck. No phone. No iPad. But? MyErinCondrenLifePlannerisHere! Hooray! I don't even have pens to write with in it. And my phone? Nope. Can't even take a picture of it to tweet. Awesome.

Think AP, think. Standing with C squished between my legs, I try to fix my Crazy Hair into some semblance of order so that I don't look like a complete fool when I knock on my neighbor's door asking to borrow their phone. It's bad enough that I'm wearing my Mom Uniform. 

After knocking on not one, not two, but three doors, I finally find a neighbor willing to stifle their laughter and hand over their phone. The laughter quickly resumes when Husband answers, only to my surprise it's him laughing and not the neighbor. 

"Just come home and let us in, OK?" 

And for the following thirty-five minutes, C and I are running all around our front yard eating two-week-stale car cup holder Puffs and drinking V8 Splash directly out of the giant jug that I left in my car from this morning's grocery trip. 

That Hide-A-Key that's been sitting on our kitchen counter for weeks? Well, let's just say it was promptly hidden as soon as we made it back inside. 

Happy Thursday, Loyals! 
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  1. Were you at least wearing a bra?

  2. I still maintain that first shot of C makes it all worth it :) And I would like to see a picture of this creepy dollhouse! How have you not shown it to us before? I love that you didn't get a pool but you got THAT :)

  3. haha this is all too the time I am sure it was NOT. Love all your crazy stories girl :)

  4. Lets just say- that picture of Carter looking up with the blurry blue and green stripes----was worth the inconvenience! He's a CUTIE!!!!!!!!!!!! Great picture!!!

  5. Oh AP, only you. I love you and your crazy adventures!

  6. Oh my goodness!! I've had dreams that I do this one day with J! But with my luck I wouldn't have had on a bra haha. Glad yall made it back in and thank god for a day under 90 degrees!

  7. Can I just tell you that this is a major "worried-mom" fear of mine. Our doors are just asking for a lockout, as they will open while locked from the inside... and stay locked. Who puts such a sneaky trap like that on a door? Like the previous poster Erin said, the pics of Carter made the hassle worth it! He's truly adorable!

  8. This reminds me of a similar story that I will share here, but cliff-noted so that I don't leave the world's longest comment:

    - Lunar Eclipse night, sometime in Winter 2011 - don't remember the exact date. Choose not to remember, actually. at around 1 in the morning.

    - Darling BF and I get our folding chairs to sit outside in the courtyard. I grab the WRONG set of keys on the way out. Lock the front door out of habit. There is no other way into my apartment.

    - Realize I locked ourselves out the second I close the door.

    - Superintendent screams at me over the phone, refuses to give me the spare key without me paying $50 upfront. Because I wld bring my wallet outside?

    - I don't have my phone; E uses his phone to make an emergency FACEBOOK post to my wall asking if anyone can help. No luck.

    - We drive halfway to my best friends house (20 mins away), I call her to wake her up and get my spare.. What spare? I never gave it to you? FCK.

    - ...One hour later in the freezing cold, I realize: I HAD A SPARE KEY ON THE KEYCHAIN I HAD AFTER ALL. I HAD IT THE WHOLE TIME.

    Probably the most trouble I've ever been in with my boyfriend. Ever. At least we laugh about it now.

  9. Oh my goodness! Ive had dreams I do this with J one day! But with my luck I wouldn't have on a bra haha. Glad yall made it back inside'

  10. This is my worst fear. Have I mentioned I'm not friendly with any of my neighbors? I'm that jerk that puts her head down immediately when you walk or drive by. I'm pretty sure me and E would be left to sweat it out until Michael came home at 7PM. Hide away key was immediately put outside!

    Glad you had a nice day to be outside at least :)

  11. I totally feel your pain. I locked myself out once while taking out my crazy effing dog. Inside? Candles burning and the stove on. Yep. I'm that awesome.

  12. it sounds like an adventure even though it was probably stressful too

    but the photos you got prove that it was a successful little lock-out

  13. oh my sister did the exact same thing only in 90 degree weather! she just entertained maddox with a waterhose until her hubby got home.

    I love your funny stories and just gave you a little shout out on my blog :)

  14. oh my gosh, my sister did the exact same thing, only in 90 degree weather! she just entertained maddox with a waterhose until her hubby got home to help.

    I love your funny stories and just gave you a little shout out on the blog :)

  15. I'm so sorry, AP.At least you got your magical life planner & some amazing photos (those baby blues, whoa!) out of it?

    I can so easily see that happening to us during one of Master P's impromptu trips outside - which tend to happen when I'm in the worst of Mom Uniforms, the early morning marshmallow-style robe.

  16. I love how you come up with material for the are a classic! Thanks for the laugh in the midst of a stressful week!

  17. Oh my goodness...this might be a long comment but here goes. A few months ago my hubby had to work out of town for a few weeks and we have a friend with a house in said town that we could use so Alivia and I could go with him. So Eric went to work and Alivia was sleeping while I ran out to the garage to do get something out of the car or something. So I try to open the door and I find I'm locked out. With only slip on shoes, no makeup, heck I think I was still wearing pajamas? And it was snowing and my cell phone was inside, with my sleeping child in a town where I am all alone. So I go outside and panic because Alivia was going to wake up any moment and I'd be unable to get her. I start running frantically from house to house (keep in mind it's snowing and I have very unsnow friendly shoes) with my crazy dogs running free having the time of their life. NO ONE would answer their stupid door and my panic is mounting. Finally I find someone and I just start crying. They let me use my cell phone and I call my husband to tell him what happened. He asked if I had the car keys with me. I did and he then informed me that the house key was on the key ring. NICE. I had it the whole freaking time. I don't think I can ever show my face in that neighborhood again lol


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