You Know You're A Couple of Brand Spankin' New Parents When...

You're up with the baby in the middle of the night. He starts to fuss. You look over at your semi-conscious husband who, upon hearing the baby cry in his dreams, begins to dig through the blanket he's resting his head on, mumbling half coherently, "I'm trying to find him!" "I know he's in here!" And upon finding and rescuing said baby (who resides comfortably in Momma's arms) begins to rock the pillow baby he's uncovered, back and forth. It's true. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. So, I laughed so hard I cried. In retrospect? I should have caught it on film.

You pass out on the couch in the middle of a ferocious pumping session. We're talking the kind of passing out cold that you haven't done since that beer pong/case race tournament back in college. And you suddently awake to a soaking feeling. Yes, you may have peed your pants. However, in this situation, it's a lot more likely that in your heavy slumber, you've spilled the 4oz of precious milk all over yourself and the brand new couch. Awesome.

You can't remember the last time you fed or diapered the baby. Good thing there's so many handy gadgets out there to help you remember this. Unfortunately, there are no gadgets out there that help you remember the last time you peed, showered, ate a full meal or brushed your teeth. Someone needs to get on this.

You've been wearing the same black yoga pants for days and when prompted, will unwillingly put on a shirt. When nursing every two hours, it's much easier to go topless. I like to tell my husband to "imagine we're on a topless beach somewhere warm." He doesn't buy it.

You and your husband have diapering contests. It's true. When it's your turn to change the baby's diaper, you actually time yourselves. This is where I've come to the conclusion that my husband could kick my butt in a diapering duel. What can I say? He's just that good.

You and your husband have actually spent quite a number of brain cells deciding and debating which "unique" names will be given to baby's favorite items. For example, Carter's paci's are referred to as "Nunnies" or "Nun-Nun's." You've also already begin to abbreviate everything and speak to each other in "the baby voice." For example, both of us have yet to say the full word, "diaper." As in, "Carter needs his diapey changed!"  

You've cried while opening a baby gift that included Sophie the Giraffe. Not only were they tears of excitement and gratitude, but tears of relief because you knew there was no way you were going to convince your husband that the baby needed a twenty dollar chew toy.