Saturday, August 7, 2010

You Know You're A Couple of Brand Spankin' New Parents When...

You're up with the baby in the middle of the night. He starts to fuss. You look over at your semi-conscious husband who, upon hearing the baby cry in his dreams, begins to dig through the blanket he's resting his head on, mumbling half coherently, "I'm trying to find him!" "I know he's in here!" And upon finding and rescuing said baby (who resides comfortably in Momma's arms) begins to rock the pillow baby he's uncovered, back and forth. It's true. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. So, I laughed so hard I cried. In retrospect? I should have caught it on film.


You pass out on the couch in the middle of a ferocious pumping session. We're talking the kind of passing out cold that you haven't done since that beer pong/case race tournament back in college. And you suddently awake to a soaking feeling. Yes, you may have peed your pants. However, in this situation, it's a lot more likely that in your heavy slumber, you've spilled the 4oz of precious milk all over yourself and the brand new couch. Awesome.

You can't remember the last time you fed or diapered the baby. Good thing there's so many handy gadgets out there to help you remember this. Unfortunately, there are no gadgets out there that help you remember the last time you peed, showered, ate a full meal or brushed your teeth. Someone needs to get on this.

You've been wearing the same black yoga pants for days and when prompted, will unwillingly put on a shirt. When nursing every two hours, it's much easier to go topless. I like to tell my husband to "imagine we're on a topless beach somewhere warm." He doesn't buy it.

You and your husband have diapering contests. It's true. When it's your turn to change the baby's diaper, you actually time yourselves. This is where I've come to the conclusion that my husband could kick my butt in a diapering duel. What can I say? He's just that good.

You and your husband have actually spent quite a number of brain cells deciding and debating which "unique" names will be given to baby's favorite items. For example, Carter's paci's are referred to as "Nunnies" or "Nun-Nun's." You've also already begin to abbreviate everything and speak to each other in "the baby voice." For example, both of us have yet to say the full word, "diaper." As in, "Carter needs his diapey changed!"  

You've cried while opening a baby gift that included Sophie the Giraffe. Not only were they tears of excitement and gratitude, but tears of relief because you knew there was no way you were going to convince your husband that the baby needed a twenty dollar chew toy.

26 comments :

  1. This picture is adorable!! This is totally going to be my hubby and I when B comes, LOL.

    I put Sophie on my registry and if I don't get it I am def buying it myself!! Love that toy....hopefully the dog doesn't make it her chew toy!

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  2. Omg...reading this makes me want another baby soooo bad! Skip was always winning our diaper contests as well...so I started having him change all the diapers! haha

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  3. I love reading your posts because they make me SO excited for what's to come - thanks for letting us experience this virtually with you! Sounds like you all are settling in!

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  4. I am so excited to receive sophie a la giraffe! And there is NO WAY I can tell my husband how much she actually cost!!

    I am so happy for you guys!!!

    This will be us soon...less than 6 weeks now...can you tell I AM FREAKING OUT!

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  5. I love how we're living identical lives right now :) Hubs and I have both had smothered baby dreams - I usually end up trying to pull her out of the pillowcase! And Kate's paci is her "buddy" :)

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  6. Sounds like you're handling it all well though - great post and again, congratulations!

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  7. That's hilarious!!

    Sophie definitely saved the day at our house. She is worth EVERY PENNY of that $20!

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  8. you and the hubs are hilarious! i don't have any babies yet, but i can completely see me and my man doing the same thing! congrats on being a new mom!!

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  9. pretty sure I went topless for the first month, hahaha.

    And we want sophie...but haven't convinced the hubby yet. Seems like you two are just falling into place as parents :)

    PS: spilling breastmilk SUCKS big time. I still cry if I spill it. And I make WAY too much, haha. That stuff is like gold!

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  10. I almost tinkled a little reading this! I can SO picture my husband digging through blankets, half asleep looking for a baby. He already sleeps crazy and has crazy dreams! Thanks for making me laugh on this miserable, my baby's not here yet, due date.

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  11. Oh my gosh, this picture is so incredibly precious, I love it!!

    And too funny about rescuing the pillow!

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  12. Oh my goodness how you took me down memory lane...oh except I don't recall my hubby trying to rock a pillow to sleep. Fabulous!

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  13. Haha this is all so true and you will LOVE that 20$ chew toy. Even now when my two yr old finds Sophie who is now lovingly thrown in his play chest. He stops and say's "Mommy I lub sofeee".

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  14. my son is 9 month old and my husband STILL searches for him in our bed... I have been punched in the back because he thought I was going to roll over on him!

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  15. You're so funny! :) I loved it! I hope you find some time to rest and shower, lol! Great pic btw!

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  16. I LOVED this post! I am in the middle of all these new tasks as well and had to laugh at myself when reading these! Thanks for sharing!

    PS if you have an iphone the app TOTAL BABY is awesome for keeping up with all the details, and you can add yourself as another "child" to keep up with your own details and meds! ha I did since I cant remember anything

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  17. I love this post! Wonderful picture of your sweet little family!

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  18. I can't tell you how many times I woke up covered in breast milk. Not fun at all.

    And I also walked around in just a nursing bra. If you said anything, you got the look of death. Quite simply, I was far too tired to find a shirt!

    Hubs is definitely the better diaperer. To this day.

    Sophie is a miracle. Hubs thought she was a ridiculously overpriced, dog squeak toy at first. Then last week I saw him frantically running around the house going "where's sophie?!? we can't go without sophie!!" ha.

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  19. I love the dream story! That is too funny. I ordered Sophie for my SIL last week. I hope she loves it.

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  20. My son will be one month old on Friday & I'm totally with you on the whole not-wearing-a-shirt thing! So much easier to just walk around in my nursing bra. Makes me a little resentful of visitors because then I need to have a shirt on, haha... Congratulations on your son!

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  21. Love it! How is sheepy adjusting? What does he think of the love bug?

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  22. congrats you guys! what a hilarious and awesome post...i love the dream story so funny

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  23. First of all, congrats on Sophie the Giraffe! That was a hard sell in this house, too, and we now own two of them! (And they are MUCH LOVED by my seven-month-old teething twins!)

    Also, I just wanted to share that with our first son I would halfway wake up at night and start screaming because I was convinced that I'd fallen asleep while nursing the baby and he was buried somewhere in our bed. I hadn't. He was always safely asleep in the bassinet. ;)

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