1. You'd be surprised what you can do with one hand. Like, for instance, writing this entire blog post. Granted, it only took three days, but either way, I consider it a raging success.
2. You would also be surprised, absolutely shocked rather, at how little sleep you truly need to subsist. I don't need to mention that this lack of sleep also comes with delirium and hallucinations, but regardless, you are known to still make superior, appropriate and safe parenting decisions on minimal sleep-age.
3. However, you forgot what you had for breakfast. And lunch. And that's if you even remembered to take part in those meals. It's okay though. If you have forgotten what you've eaten, simply comb over your newborn's onesie. Take note, this only works with breastfeeding mothers. Are you catching on? At least once a day I manage to spill some small part of my meal on C's ensemble, as I gingerly try to navigate the way to my mouth while simultaneously doubling as an all day/night boobie buffet. But hey, I do it one-handed!
4. Double-stuf oreos are a perfectly acceptable breakfast. They are also a wonderful midnight snack. And 2am snack. And suddenly, you begin to wonder WHY those pregnancy pounds aren't melting themselves away.
5. My darling newborn is one smart cookie. His mommy is one big sucker.
6. It only takes a few days to become familiar with the daytime television schedule. Regis and Kelly, Ellen, Martha and Oprah have become my new best friends. I eat breakfast with Regis and Kelly every morning. Martha typically puts C and I to sleep. Ellen loves to eat Double Stuf's with us and Oprah... well, there's nothing really else on at this time. And she just happens to follow Ellen. Oprah doesn't like Double Stuf's.
7. Your son's peenie will outsmart you with almost every diaper change. Who know that little sucker could be so feisty? And yes, we call it a "peenie."
8. Personal hygeine falls by the wayside. You consider your day a raging success if you find time to brush your teeth. You absolutely blow your mind when you can sneak in a 5 minute shower. You suddenly don't care so much anymore if you don't have time to deep condition. The only one who sees you all day is the baby anyway, and he doesn't care how soft and silky smooth your hair is.
Speaking of showers, I gave myself quite the chuckle the other day. For the first time since C's birth, I attempted to take a shower all by myself, meaning while I was alone with C during the day. Typically, I had been putting off my showers until Hubs came home from work in the evening, this way he could entertain C and I could spend a few minutes feeling human again.
Taking a shower, while home alone with a newborn requires a ridiculous amount of planning. The bouncy seat needed to be brought upstairs. Morty the Moose also had to make the trip as did a "nunnie" (or paci), a blankie and well, my baby. These items then had to be dragged into the master bath and assembled in such a way that I could both see and hear C from inside the shower stall. Why did I find humor in this?
When Sheepie was a brand new puppy and I needed to take a shower, I used to corral about a zillion of his favorite toys and lock him in the bathroom with me while I showered. This way, I could keep an eye on him!
Everyone always says "having a puppy is just like bringing home a new baby." Next time you hear this sentiment, don't laugh! Just think of me, dragging baby Sheepie into the bathroom.. and two years later.. dragging baby C in there, too!
Oh, and to this day? Whenever Sheepie hears the shower turn on? He comes running and plants himself in the bathroom with you- right on the other side of the tub. What a good boy.