Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Vacation Buzz? Gone. Nightmare in an Elevator? Check!

You ever have one of those days? Well, today's my day. That nice, relaxing buzz I had going from my island getaway is gone away. Far, far away. In it's place? Your usual back-to-reality-nothing-is-going-my-way crankies.

I got stuck in the elevator this morning. How stuck, might you ask? So stuck that maintenance had to come and get me out. I stepped onto the elevator from the second level of the parking garage where I so nicely parked Hubs' car far away from any other cars and pressed "1" to take the elevator up two floors to where I could stop by my favorite little coffee cart for my double shot Cafe Mocha with whipped cream. (Puh-lease. I just got back from the Bahamas, I was for sure going to need something to get me kickstarted!)

The elevator doors attempt to close (there was a definite 6 inch gap between the two of them) and lurch upward, coming to a halting stop inbetween two floors. How do I know I'm between two floors, might you ask? Because clearly I could see through the SIX INCH GAP! I could feel the wind whipping around my head as I watched the elevator cables swinging in the breeze. My first reaction? "Really, God? Really? Like this? No, not in an elevator!"

After a brief freakout, I start pressing buttons: up, down, doors close, doors open. At this point, I'll take anything! I even tried prying the doors open with the surge of adrenaline I was feeling. No dice. Nothing. Nada. Not even a budge.

Did I mention the elevator was bouncing? Because it was. Ever so slightly. I push the security call button and the voice from Oz kindly comes through and asks me:

Oz: "Good morning. Are you having some difficulties?"
Me: No sir. I'm wondering what the weather is supposed to be like today. OF COURSE I'M HAVING DIFFICULTIES. I'M STUCK IN THIS DEATH TRAP! Um, yes. I seem to be stuck here. The doors won't open. The elevator won't budge.
Oz: Well, did you try pressing different buttons?
Me: Multiple times.
Oz: Well, are you OK in there?
Me: Yes, but I won't be if I'm stuck in here for very much longer!
Oz: Ok Ma'am. I've called maintenance. They should be on their way.
5-7 minutes goes by and maintenance arrives (keep in mind they look like a couple of Maytag repairmen. Hopefully they take this a little more seriously than a washer/dryer combo).

After several minutes of watching these knuckleheads fiddle with some sort of door-prying-telescoping-antennae:

Repairmen: Uh, Ma'am? It seems we brought the wrong tool. We're just going to run back and grab the correct door-prying-telescoping-antennae-thingy.
Me: Fan-fucking-tastic.

Oz: Ma'am, if you need to sit down, please do so. Are you hurt?
Me: No. Not yet. But I have contemplated banging my head into the walls repeatedly. Bad idea?

Despite always being chronically early for work, I figured I should at least phone the floor and fill them in on my predicament.

Me: Hey, yeah, it's Ashley. I'm um, held up a little here in the Willy Wonka elevator. Maintenance is here and they should be freeing me soon.
Nurse: Oh no! Are you alright? Well, not to add fuel to the fire or anything....
Me: I'm being pulled. M'f'er.
Nurse: You're being pulled up to the fourth floor today.
Me: Sigh.

10 minutes goes by and Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Duh finally arrive bearing the correct rescue apparatus. The doors are jarred open and I'm free to CLIMB up out of the elevator. I exchange information with the security guard who must've showed up for moral support, SKIP my morning mocha and head on up to the fourth floor.

Waking up this morning, I didn't have any of those "off feelings" that today was going to be one of those days. Apparently, my "terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day" radar wasn't working very well.

Because today is just one of those days. Some days are mean't for staying in bed.
This was definitely one of them.

Bahama pictures coming soon. I promise.


  1. Oh good Lord. You just confirmed my terror of elevators. I am so sorry you had to go through all of that!

  2. What a terrible way to come back to work after a great vacation! I'm glad they got you out of there safe and sound.

    oh, and I'm finally officially following you, even though I've been hanging around for a while:)

  3. OMG!! I would totally have freak out. Glad everything turned out ok!

  4. Oh my gosh. How horribly sucky. I would have been scared out of my wits by the bouncing.


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