Most days, I wear my Badges of Motherhood proudly.
I'm not just talking about the physical badges, mind you, meaning not just the stretch marks, the under-eye bags, the day-old spit up on my earlobe. I'm talking about the figurative badges as well. The "I Survived The Toddler Stomach Flu Badge," the "I Successfully Transitioned To A Big Boy Bed Without Duct Tape And Minimal Bribery Badge" and my personal favorite "I Gained And Lost Over 100lbs. In Three Years And All I Have To Show For It Is Two Kids And A Raging Muffin Top Badge."
But there are always a few badges of Motherhood I could do without, ones that I thought I might skirt by without earning. Specifically the "I Cleaned Poop Out Of My Carpets Before 7AM On A Saturday Badge" alternatively titled, "Is That Chocolate Or Poop?"
Our weekend started off just like any other. After the boys went down to sleep on Friday night, The Husband and I curled up on the couch with a bottle of wine, a few oven S'mores and our DVR. Sure we stayed up a little too late but not too late that we couldn't use the iPad and Toy Story to our advantage come 7am the next morning.
I could have sworn my head had just hit the pillow as The Toddler roused from his peaceful slumber at 6:00am the following morning. I'm not even sure my eyes were open as I grabbed the iPad from our dresser and stumbled into his room, setting him up with a movie in bed as I had done so many mornings before.
I should have known something was awry when by 7:15am he hadn't made a peep. Looking back I must've had a strange sixth sense about the situation because I insisted The Husband go check on him.
It was then that the fateful words were uttered. In an almost dream-like state, I could hear my husband say, "Is that chocolate or poop, Carter? Chocola- and WHY AREN'T YOU WEARING ANY CLOTH- WHERE IS YOUR DIAP- OMG. Honey. HELP ME!"
And just like that I had earned the badge. The badge that accompanies a Toddler who so wryly removed himself not only from his zippered footies jammies but from his soiled diaper as well. Who, once having removed himself from said necessary items didn't stop there. One who proceeded to rub said soiled diaper poop-side-down along a three foot carpet radius in the hallway.
As The Husband clamored to get The Toddler into the tub with minimal poop exposure to the rest of the hallway, all I could was laugh. Laugh and thank God we had purchased a Bissell Spot-Bot when we first brought Sheepie home four years prior. If you had asked me back then if I thought I would be using it to clean my child's poop from my hallway carpet, I would have laughed in your face.
Motherhood, this was one badge I could've done without but I will wear this badge proudly now. I will show this badge off among my many other Badges of Motherhood. Why? Because this badge made me wiser.
You see, after bath time each night? The zippered footie jams go on backwards.