Thursday, September 22, 2011

Because I Can't Think Of Anything Else. Because I Feel Like It's The Mother In Me.

I've spent the last few days pondering throwing in the towel. Closing down the doors of I Love You More Than Carrots. There's been a whole new side of Blogging and Twitter that I've been privy to these past few weeks and truthfully? It hurts my heart. It makes me second guess what I'm doing here in the first place. It makes me not want to be a part of something, a community, so negative and condescending. 

You want to talk about internet bullying? Heck, spend a day on Twitter. 

Someone once said to me, "just because you don't put a name to it, doesn't make it hurt any less." And they're right. Whether it's a tweet, a blog post or a Facebook status update, truer words have never been spoken. 

All of this nonsense makes me reconsider at what age you really become an "adult" and why this behavior is excusable at our age. I'm 28 years old. I don't have time for this and can't quite fathom how anyone in their twenties or thirties does. With or without kids, aren't there better, kinder things we could be putting our energy toward?

And for those of us with kids, is this how we're going to raise them? Is this the behavior that we're going to instill in them?  That it's OK to talk poorly about one another? That it's OK to say mean and hurtful things as long as you don't mention someone's name? To belittle them with your words?

I thought we were all here for the same reason. To share our lives, whatever it is of them that we decide to put out there. Our inspirations, our creations, our passions and in many cases, our families. It's a decision that we freely make and in doing so, we choose to be respectful of the words that others choose to share.    

To hear or read that you're being talked about, at any age, is hurtful. We're all a bunch of smart women and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to decipher the words that aren't being said.

There have been blog posts written about me by other bloggers, picking apart what I've chosen to share with the internet. I have seen comments flying around using words like "flashy, selfish and self-centered." I've watched as other bloggers, bloggers that I once looked up to and admired, write vague things about me to other bloggers. As if I wouldn't notice.  

If you think I'm self-centered, selfish and only blog about the things I have, then you clearly don't read between the lines. You clearly don't know me. Sure, I've blogged about jewelry and clothes, nice trips I've taken and vacations I've been on. But did you also want me to blog about how I worked my ass off, saving lives no less, for often 12 or 16 hours per day, for X number of years, busting my well-educated hiney to afford those things? Or how The Husband spent five years getting on a plane each week, working in a different state, only to come home on a Friday and wake up on a Sunday to do it all over again? Well, that's how we were able to afford all of those nice trips. Is that what you wanted to hear?

Of course you didn't. Because who the heck wants to read all of that? 

Karma is a mean, mean lady. Believe me, she's slapped me in the face a time or two and I can recognize her coming from a mile away. As one of the "older" bloggers around these parts, I felt the need to address this. To share my thoughts and feelings on the matter. Hopefully I've maintained a relatively "Switzerland approach" to this as I try to do with all of my posts. 

If I've offended you in the past with my writing, I am sorry. If I have learned anything from this experience, it's that the negativity, the condescension and the belittling is only a small speck in the grand scheme of things.

And to those of you who have reinstated my faith in blogging, reminding me why I love coming back to my little corner of the internet and sharing my life with you, thank you. 


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73 comments :

  1. um, this post wasn't directed at me, was it?

    lol just kidding! you know I love you. and your writing and your blog. and how you always keep it real. Trust me, I have my fair share of haters. They give me a good chuckle with their awesome "anonymous" words :)

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  2. Yikes, I mean I read GOMI about some healthy living bloggers, but I didn't realize the same crap was going on about "mommy" bloggers too. I linked to you in my wreath post, so I really hope none of my readers have said anything nasty. :(

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  3. Well said, my friend...as you know. :)

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  4. Thankfully I haven't seen what you are writing about...probably b/c I'm not on twitter and not "cool" enough for anyone to even speak about me. But you are right...it's immature. I think jealous has something to do with it. People knock others down to feel better about themselves.

    Not everyone is like that though. I'm here b/c I enjoy reading about your life. I hope you continue. I find other blogs (especially other parents who blog), challenge me to be a better person and parent.

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  5. Obviously, I'm not privy to whatever is currently going on in the blogging community. But you aren't the first person that has considered closing down their blog in the past few days. It makes me sad to hear that people are making such hurtful remarks. If you don't like someone or their blog, don't read it. No one's forcing you too. It doesn't make any sense. I read your blog because I love it!

    Keep doing what you're doing and hopefully the blogging beyotches find something else to do with their time.

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  6. Perfectly said. This community can create so much good and positivity...and shouldn't that be what we do with it? :)

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  7. It is truly amazing at how internet bullying happens among grown women/men. Your blog is for your to write your thoughts/feeling/etc.. Talk about what YOU want.

    Maybe there needs to be an intervention for adults about bullying. They wonder why their children grow up to act just like them. What happened to "treat others how you would want to be treated"?

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  8. You said it perfectly. The two faced nature of so many bloggers has become so apparent recently. And? It's not becoming on them, or anyone else for that matter.

    I love the glimpse into your life and would be sad to lose that connection. But, be warned I will blow up your inbox if you go away! ;)

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  9. Well said. I have dealt with more female drama post-high school and it drives me batty! I will never understand negative blog comments...if you don't like what someone has to say, don't read their blog. Seems simple to me!

    I love your blog. Glad to have recently discovered you!

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  10. Well said.
    I've actually been getting a little worried about what exactly my role is here in the blogging community and unsure whether or not I should put so much into it.
    It's a struggle for sure

    Thank you for writing what you did and putting it out there.

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  11. The Twitter/blogger drama over the past week has been ridiculous. Even though no names were mentioned it was clear who certain people were talking about.

    I hope that people could start acting like the grown women we are :)

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  12. Sing it Sistah! Keep on keepin' on. I for one, truly enjoy reading your blog. Forget those bullies!

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  13. I have heard so much chatter about this lately and it is disheartening. You know that Dr. Suess quote "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"? Totally applies here. You are a damn good wife and mom and you are admired in the blogging community. Eliminate the negative because petty shit is not going to bring you down!

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  14. Part of me wishes to know who the H are these nasties that could possibly write schmidt about you. The rest of me is glad I don't. It was quite heart-wrenching to read your blog today - you are so kind-hearted, it's difficult to imagine anyone being so cruel to you.

    .. that's all I got. <3 you.

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  15. I hate drama...always have, always will. In middle and high school, I refused to have anything to do. And internet drama is even worse. I think it's so easy for people to sit behind their computers and talk down to people.

    And the way I look at it, people who do that are just unhappy with their lives and jealous of others.

    I love your blog. The day you stopped blogging would be a sad sad day, for me and so many other people.

    I've been bullied, in person and on the internet. I just choose to not interact or associate myself with those people. Just as quickly as they sent me that nasty tweet or FB message, I can click unfollow and block or unfriend. People like that are just not worth your time or energy.

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  16. Well said, lady! I think this is a great reminder to all of us of why we all wanted to be a part of this "little" community to begin with. There has definitely been a lot of hate lately that's made me question whether I really want to continue to be a part of it. I also know that I've inadvertently hurt feelings by comments I've made without thinking or because they were misinterpreted by someone else in a way that I didn't even think about before hitting "Tweet" or "Publish" so I need to be better about these things as well. Maybe if we're all a little more conscious of other people's feelings the blog/Twitter world will go back to the once happy place we all love and remember! So, again, thanks!

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  17. I cannot believe that people have written blog posts about you. That is horrible! You're right...the blog/twitter/facebook world really is becoming a nasty, middle school-esque place. We really need to try and bring it back around to a positive, fulfilling place. What a great post!!!

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  18. Well said! I love your blog and all that you blog about! Keep doing what you're doing!

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  19. I want to kiss you on the mouth. You said exactly what I think and feel. You know I love you, right?

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  20. What amazes me is how some girls (not you) complain about this without realizing they are part of the problem. Mind-boggling. It's like high school all over again. So, so sad. :( Hang in there!

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  21. Fab post. I have had some of the same thoughts about shutting it down. From nasty comments to copying to people fake as silicone, it's really ridiculous sometimes. Then I think about all the really amazing friends I've made and the wonderful people that are so inspiring (YOU!) that I am grateful. Keep doing what you're doing and let the haters hate.

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  22. It breaks my heart that the internet has become as rough as the playground back in the day. Head high, dear. I hate that you have to defend yourself this way, but you did it tastefully and I will be a reader for as long as you're around. (Which, I hope, will be a long time)

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  23. I think people become braver behind a computer screen b/c they don't have to deal with confrontation face to face...which in essence makes them cowards. I never really understood negative comments or tweets either. It's a free country and you can stop following or reading if you don't agree. Luckily I'm on the new and small end of blogging so I don't see it much but when I do I just don't get it. Here's to you AP!

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  24. Apparently, I've been blind to things going on in our bloggy world lately. Because you aren't the first of my favorite ladies to consider leaving their blog behind. And honestly? If you left I would be sad.

    I started reading your blog just after C's first birthday and have totally fallen for you and your dancing man. Don't let the drama ruin your beautiful outlet of sharing with those of us who do respect, admire and cherish your words. Let the haters hate, there's obviously something missing in their lives if they have the time to pick apart yours! If you need someone to vent to seriously don't hesitate to shoot me an email! I'm here for ya!

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  25. Well said, my friend. I'm sorry that is the side of blogging/twitter that you've seen. I definitely don't see how anyone could pick on people through social media, I think that's the chicken's way out.

    I love your blog, and your sweet little family, I adore as well. Hope this helps to clear some things up, momma!

    xoxo

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  26. I think Molly said it best and I couldn't agree more. Let the haters hate. You don't have to justify anything to anyone. This is your space and your blog, you can use how ever you feel is just. I don't know exactly what is going on in blog/Twitter/FB land lately but this topic is becoming all too constant. I myself just covered it last week. There are nasty people in this world and unfortunately that will never change. Don't let their negativity affect who you are. Keep on writin' girl!

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  27. Love this, love you. A to the men woman. FUCK YEAH!

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  28. LOVE this post. Blogging/social media, is such a double edged sword. I have made fabulous friends with people I would have otherwise never met. But then there are the nasties too, and it scares me to death. For every good thing there is a bad side, which is probably the biggest bummer of life.

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  29. What a shame you had to write this post...but bravo for doing so. Perhaps Tina Fey needs to write a new Mean Girls script focusing on this...so sad that people feel brave hiding behind a keyboard, but I bet they couldn't say it to your face. I've clicked on many a blog that doesn't "interest" me, so I just don't read it anymore. It's that easy. I'm guessing the haters probably do know deep down that you worked hard for what you have, and are jealous. I need my daily dose of ILYMTC to keep me happy, so you can't go anywhere, okay???? Please? :)

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  30. You're the inspiration that made me come back into the blogosphere! I am honored to not just know you from here but in real life and can testify that you are even more fabulous than one could imagine! I will always be a loyal and have you to thank for your help and dedication to blogging! You rock mama! Xoxox {hugs too}

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  31. the problem with twitter/fb is the ability to say how you feel so quickly you don't second think. I deleted my Twitter account after 2 weeks of 'feeling unnoticed' ya i know, seriously? so silly.
    it's too easy to be hurtful these days. but for each hater you have 10 lovers, lady! <3

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  32. Awww..AP...so sorry you have to deal with the trolls out there. I've never felt that you are any of those things you listed...and being in the cancer field, I know how hard Hem/Onc/BMT nurses work...not to mention the hard work of being a mommy. Please keep blogging!

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  33. This really hurts my heart :( First, because I love you to teeny tiny shreds of pieces and I'm just livid that anyone would say those things about you. And second because I just can't imagine my life without ILYMTC :) I mean, it will come someday I'm sure, but I'd hate for that day to be now...I've also considered MULTIPLE times locking up the blog and being done with all of this.

    I've been reading since pretty early on...and in the beginning? There was a lot about your life I couldn't relate to. Until you posted about your miscarriage - something I had gone through, too. And then I felt like we had something REALLY real in common. That even though you lived thousands of miles away, traveled, and bought your coffee every morning instead of making it (um, heck yes I remember that...am I sounding like a stalker?) we had hurt & mourned in the same way...and that just seemed more important. And now you're one of my bloggy BFFS!

    PS - I didn't see any of the drama. But I want you to know if I HAD I would TOTALLY have stuck up for you, LOL! :)

    PPS - Haters gon' hate. Just keep doing what you're doing...

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  34. :::Rounds of applause::::

    'nuff said lady, 'nuff said.

    you rock.

    :)

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  35. What sucky people. I must be out of the loop because idk what the bloggy drama has been lately but I'm sorry to hear about it. I just totally think we should all live by, "if you don't have anything nice to say..." and if you don't? Then, um, stop reading. Hope you don't disappear on us. :)

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  36. A few things...I fear this may be a disjointed comment. Here goes.

    Of course you blog about the things you do, if you blogged about everything no one would want to read it. Part of the reason we're so drawn to blogs and blogging in general (in my opinion) is to reaffirm that we're all going through the same things. I like to read your posts about C and see that I'm not the only one about to lose my sh!t!

    Secondly, I've been feelings similarly. Why can't we be here for each other as a source of support? Why must we always compete (and we all know that the competition quickly turns to bullying to get a leg up)? As twenty-something Mama's we're (for the most part) navigating waters that are unfamiliar to us, so why do we all need to pretend like we've got it figured out. I know I sure as hell don't! There are days when the only thing getting me through is the promise of an adult beverage after bedtime. I know other Mama's feel the same way.

    I'm sorry that you are dealing with this. I'm sorry that others feel the need to trash-talk or put you down. From my perspective it means that they are jealous (isn't that always it?) of you, so you just keep on keeping on, girlfriend!

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  37. Am I just oblivious to the bullying? I don't get why people we say mean things about you! Don't ever leave us!

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  38. I missed out on the drama too (thank God) and after reading through all your comments also, I hope you know you are appreciated and loved for EXACTLY WHAT YOU DO!

    Write for you. For your reasons.

    You'll still have people follow and read because there are people who can relate and enjoy your writing.

    As the 'old lady' of blogging,just simply write for you.

    I also have some specific online crap to deal with regularly and I understand that it's difficult to keep quiet sometimes when people are speaking lies about you. I've been on the high road for years, but sometimes I fall off and take the back road. Not my proudest moments, but you're exactly right...it's hard to hear shit about you and not be fed up.

    Much love to you!

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  39. Wow... I had no idea that all of that was out there. I thought the blogging world was for inspiration, friendship and sharing. Now I'm so glad I'm not on twitter!

    Thanks for the post... very well said! XOXO, Stephanie

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  40. I love you. That's all that matters in the end, right? ;P

    But seriously. I am SO glad you wrote this & could not agree more.

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  41. Great post, AP. I love your blog! As someone who has been blessed with a hard-working, successful husband, a beautiful child, a big house, able to go on nice vacations, etc., I sometimes wonder how I come off on the internet. I complain about a lot of things without really meaning to and then realize that someone might think of me as selfish or shallow. A lot of people DO know my back story, but I still worry about that sometimes. I am glad you are able to stay home with C and go on vacations. You deserve them! xo

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  42. Please don't stop blogging. I quit blogging on my first blog after a "so called friend" in real life said some nasty comments about my blog, my family and myself. I took a year hiatus and it sucked. I realized I can't let other people dictate what I do. I loved blogging and I missed the community it allowed me to connect with.

    I love your blog, I love your pictures (obviously, because I cannot wait for our session) and I love the little glimpse into your life. :)

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  43. great post AP. Really great.

    I didnt see the bullying but I read tweets from people who said they were fed up and very hurt. Its obv that people feel bigger behind their computer screens/phones. Don't let them get to you!
    please don't stop blogging!

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  44. Wow! I'm not on Twitter and just started blogging, but I've heard soo much about the bullying lately! People need to grow up! I love reading your blog!!

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  45. Great post. I am not new to blogging, however, just recently I started becoming apart of the "blogging community" and twitter.. and I just can't believe what I read. Some grown women are just so nasty to one another. I for one, love your blog and hope you stick around!

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  46. I think you are wonderful and always brighten my day with your snark and pics of C. I know you didn't write this post to get an overwhelming amount of compliments (even I can tell that from the short amount of time I have been reading your blog) but I can't imagine perusing another blog and seeing someone talking shit about me, vaguely or not. Completely unacceptable. I got your back, girl.

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  47. Great post. I must be blind or just am not on twitter enough because I didn't realize all this bullying was going on. I'm so sorry. I love your blog and have been reading since before you announced you were even pregnant. I would be so sad if you closed down your blog!

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  48. I am a "new" blogger... I debated back and forth putting myself out there ... and a sweet comment made me stick to blogging for the few months I have been at it... One mean comment would definately change my mind QUICKLY ... Anywho ... I love your blog, your family, adorable baby boy and of course the infamous Sheepie (he's the best :) ) and I agree with some of the above commenters -- I am reading a lot of this people tempting to shut down (so CONFUSED) with my 4 followers, I am apparently not worthy of mean comments - so HEY take it as a compliment that they are all jealous of your awesomeness!!!

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  49. so well said. i'll never understand negative blog comments/internet bullying. do people have nothing better to do with their time? jealousy is the only explanation i can think of. i know you have so many people that love coming to your little corner here and having a glimpse into your life, so thank you for being real, and for being you! :)

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  50. Wow. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way and that people have been attacking and/or criticizing you.

    Whoever speaks such ill about another blogger clearly has way too much time on their hands. I just don't get it...what's the point? Does it make them feel better about themselves?

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  51. I've been out of the loop lately so I don't know the specifics, but I could probably take a wild guess. In all honesty I've used twitter less and less as of late because honestly all I see is drama. I kinda liked certain bloggers more before I knew their twitter side or were privy to what they "really" meant when they blogged certain things. Keep on blogging girl and being true to you! That's what I love about you anyways. Hugs!

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  52. I'm so glad you've decided not to give up blogging! I had no idea this was happening to you, but I feel like you've handled it with grace and like a grown up. It would be nice if people realized that what we put on our blogs is only a little aspect of who we are as people.

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  53. Whoa, I have no idea what's going on and if there are hate blogs popping up because... that crap is just crap. What is wrong with people??

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  54. If you leave what will I do? I love everything about your blog. You make me smile and all your pics make me jealz because they are so GOOD! I must have missed something MAJOR on Twitterland.

    I am so sorry that somebody said anything like that about you. You know it is untrue and that you should not have to say sorry about your life. Since I have no clue what went down, I can tell you this...people say hurtful things when they are jealous. You just keep on rocking out like you always do!

    XOXO~KM (@CMsmommy)

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  55. I already said this on Twitter but I love this post. You hit the nail on the head with it and think you rock by saying what you mean and feel. Its sad that people try to knock others down for that. Keep on saying what you feel and telling your hilarious stories girl becausae we love it!

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  56. Well said lady. I'm sorry you have been having rude people ruin your days. :( Jealousy for sure. You are amazing and your real loyals know the real you. And we love ya!

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  57. Oh lordy. so sorry you have had to deal with this. I would be so sad to see you go as I have been following you since before you were pregnant with C. People are mean and rude. Why don't they just stop reading if they don't like it. Simple as that.

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  58. If there's one thing I've learned is that there will always be someone who doesn't agree with how I do things and how I raise my son. I take it all with a grain of salt.

    I luckily haven't had any haters, that I know of.

    Thanks for posting this!!!

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  59. I hate that people suck. I seriously do. It amazes me how many people sit around daily and wait to belittle people in the virtual world. Cowards if you ask me.

    You and your blog are one of my favorites. I got yo back if you need it;)

    Stay awesome!

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  60. AMEN! Thanks for posting this. Although I'm no where need a pro blogger like you..I received a comment last week simply stating "your baby is the ugliest thing i have ever seen". Of course, I know that's NOT true, but it made me so upset that ANYONE could say something like that about a BABY. It's sad, really. I deleted it and moved on. But it's something we need to teach our children not to do...never to say words that are meant to hurt. life lessons in this stuff...

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  61. Uh, People suck. And it's sad that they can't GTFU (Grow the eff UP) and deal. I mean is it so hard to put on your big girl panties? It's sad that grown adults are acting this way.

    I have no idea what you are talking about but I work in psych settings and especially with troubled youth and it HURTS me to see people be bullied. It's such a crappy way out, tearing people down to make yourself feel better.

    Don't listen to them and know that we enjoy coming to your corner of the internet to read about you/Carter and your happenings.

    Don't stop the sass.

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  62. Wow. I have been reading your blog since C was born and I absolutely love it. I think it is just ridiculous that women can be so hurtful. It's crazy that we are this age and jealousy can still fuel so much energy. I am not super involved with a lot of blog people so it just makes me sad to hear this kind of stuff. I would be really sad if you closed your blog!

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  63. I am shocked and so sorry that this is happening to you. As a teacher, cyber-bullying is all to common in and out of schools, but I had no idea that adults act this way. I am somewhat new to blogging and I don't have many followers, but I came across your blog soon after you became a Mom. I love reading your funny stories and can relate so well since my little one is just two months older than baby C. I truly enjoy reading your blog and I think you have such a gift for writing!

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  64. PREACH sista!! I hope that no one has been mean to you! I feel like I am reading alot of posts like this lately and I certainly hope they are not related to my blog drama monday! I am so embarrassed over all of that. I have never been a part of that kind of blog drama before, but i certainly was not blameless. Lesson learned!

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  65. Ashley...I recently started reading your blog and always enjoy what you have to say. I say, if you don't like it, don't read it. And if you do read it and don't like it, stop reading it and get on with your life. I've just recently started to blog a little bit...been inspired by yourself and a few others. Thanks and keep writing!

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  66. I just commented and it didn't work so hopefully you don't get two of these. Anyhow, I've recently started reading your blog - found the link on another blog I read. I always enjoy what you have to say. People who don't should just stop reading and keep their nasty comments to themselves. Keep writing and being the real mom that you are.

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  67. Didn't these people ever watch Bambi? If you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all?!?! :-) Who would have thought this would be going on at our age?

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  68. Sooo, I dont have a big blog so I have never come into contact with this but if someone called me self centered, I dont think it would bother me. That just sounds so jealous!! You are writing about your life. It doesnt sound self centered at all to me. I love your blog....but thats just my small opinion :)

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  69. Girl! You are the bomb! Don't let anyone talk down to you! Or about you. They are simply jealous of what you have- spunk, sas, style, wit, etc. Turn the other cheek. Keep up the good work! We all love you!

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  70. how WEIRD that people would do that!! I'm sorry it happened, and astonished that it happened to you. Yeesh.

    Glad you're sticking around : )
    and p.s. your blog makeover looks awesomesauce!

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  71. Woah, woah, WOAH... I know I'm coming in a little late on this.. (I started working part time, whole other story...) but WTF? People hatin', new blog look, you can go THREE days without washing your hair?!? What is going on in the world?

    Anyway, you are NOT any of those things some LOSER said because they don't have anything better to do than go on the internet because they must have run out of people in their actual life to be jealous of.. Dude, I thought that kind of behavior was limited to baby boards and didn't mess with AWESOME blogs.

    xo,
    Dannielle

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As always, thanks so much for reading ILYMTC. If you have any questions about a post or want to get in touch with me (or any of the cast of characters here at ILYMTC) email me at iloveyoumorethancarrots(at)gmail(dot)com.

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