Monday, May 16, 2011

Spring Cleaning... Redneck Style.

The Husband and I live in a traditional colonial style house with quite a bit of yard in a film-like slice of suburbia. Rural suburbia. Think "Pleasantville" meets "The Wonder Years" meets "The Waltons." Our streets are lined with antique street lamps, children can be seen playing on every corner and there is rarely a street that isn't occupied by at least one or two picket fences. We actually have neighbors that bring us baked goods almost on a weekly basis and another set of neighbors that drop by multiple times throughout the summer with fresh vegetables from their backyard garden. Case in point? We love our little slice of suburbia. Except during Spring Cleaning.
 
Twice a year the town sends out a flyer, denoting two specific days during which residents may leave downright junk out at the curb with the promise that the town will be by to pick it up the following morning, no questions asked. Well, my friends. It's a wonder there's anything left for the town to pick up the next day. How so?
 
You see, parallel to our beautiful little slice of suburban paradise, lies an older neighborhood full of.. well.. let's just call them "characters." Unlike the pristine landscaped yards of our side of the 'hood, these lawns are often occupied by rusting, wheel-less pick-up trucks, discarded lawn chairs and baby doll heads. You think I'm kidding? It's on these corners where you see little red necked headed children, running barefoot through the street, swinging from a dog leash thrown over a haggard oak tree. Again, I only write what I've seen.
 
Last night just so happened to be the first night of what our town likes to lovingly refer to as "S-Town's Spring Cleaning!" By the time the sun dropped behind the horizon, our street was lined with plastic lawn chairs, a cracked baby pool, an ancient air conditioning unit or two, some old box fans, a few old couch cushions and our personal contribution, glass shower doors and an old plastic mailbox. And that's when we heard it...
 
A veritable caravan rolling in. Full of hoopties with makeshift trailers hanging haphazardly from their bumpers. Windows flanked with NASCAR stickers and decal'd MudFlap women. Bumper stickers shouting, "Git R Done" and "Diesel Smoke Makes Me Horny."
 
The hoots and hollers were almost unmistakable. Our redneck neighbors had arrived.
 
And before we knew it, they were barely coming to a stop in front of each of the houses before tossing their new found loot into the beds of their... trailers. As The Husband and I sat inside, sipping on Chardonnay and an ice cold Bud Light (hey, we don't discriminate), we listened to a few of our "neighbors" pull up alongside our curb. Immediately, one of them let out a hearty, "HELLS YEAH! THIS HERE IS THE MOTHERLOAD! Jiffy, Come check this out!"
 
Jiffy. Oh, that poor sweet boy. And just like that? Our shower doors and plastic mailbox were gone. You know how that saying goes...
 
"One man's trash is another Redneck's Treasure."
 
Home Sweet Home.
Happy Monday, Loyals.
 
 
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23 comments :

  1. Oh. My. Goodness. Please videotape next time!

    This made my morning :)

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  2. Wow. Just, WOW. Love it :) And we DEFF need pics next time!

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  3. OMG that is hilarious! Too funny! I would so pay money to see that! Have a great Monday!

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  4. Awesome!!!

    Poor Jiffy. His momma must have REALLY liked peanut butter.

    We have a semi annual garage/yard sale in our neighborhood. It causes traffic jams. I have never seen so many people flock into our subdivision dying for our junk.

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  5. That is so funny! I agree - pics next time please!

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  6. Omg too funny! We have the same situation except replace redneckville with barrio! It is Phoenix afterall. :P

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  7. this is hilarious but so true! seriously please take picture or video tape these exhibits of the characters, what they drive and what they are picking up as their "treasures!" haha

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  8. Dear Lord! I don't even see this redneckery in my lil' ol' East Texas town...yes, I agree we need visuals next time!

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  9. hahah.... that made me laugh this morning :) xxooo

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  10. You crack me up! Also, we're gonna need some photos of this awesomeness.

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  11. This is too funny! Agreed that we need pictures next time!

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  12. too funny! how many hoarders were scouring the streets for new goodies?
    love your new blog, just found you and am on my way now to hit the "follower" button!
    xoxo
    kristen
    http://threeinthenest.blogspot.com

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  13. Are you sure that your town doesn't pay them (in goods) to come by and pick all that junk up? Think of the money the town is saving!!

    This post cracked me up!

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  14. Holy cow, that's SO funny! I can totally picture that but you should take pics next time;-)

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  15. dear lord. AP - I'm gonna take off my pink camo sally hansens now. i have to.

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  16. Hilarious! They probably hauled ass to my neck of the woods (aka the country) with all dem goodies

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  17. hahahaha!!!! so funny. and jeez, the description of where you lives sounds right out of Desperate Housewives on Wisteria Lane!

    oh the rednecks and their motherload, hilarious.

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  18. O my goodness... so of course you know my hubs is a cop.. well he always tells me that when someone gets evicted from an apt complex.. all of the "characters" come out to sort through the "prizes".. LOL

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  19. oh goodness! These may or may not be distant relatives of mine.

    xoxo.

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  20. HA!!! How funny - you totally made someone's year:)

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  21. get pictures!!!!!!

    and I want to live in your neighborhood please?!?!?!

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  22. Hehe! That kind of stuff definitely happens around here (especially with respect to recyclables). But it sounds like you live in a utopia! Would love to have seen pics ;)

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