Monday, January 17, 2011

Irrational Fears? I'll Take Two, Please...

 As I was pulling my car into our garage yesterday morning, I was thinking about the host of irrational fears that I harbor. Some are lame and make me giggle and some are so ridiculous, I stop and think to myself, "Really, AP? How old are you?" Do you have any idea what I'm talking about? It's those silly little things that when you think of them, your heart beats just a little faster and your palms start to sweat a bit, despite knowing in your heart of hearts that those situations would probably never happen?

After a little introspection, I'm fairly certain I have my parents to blame for a few of these fears or perhaps, a lifetime of watching horror/thriller movies. Some of them stem as far back as my childhood and have since wained, but I will always remember them. So, readers, I know you're dying to know. What am I ridiculously worried about happening? Or afraid of? Here goes:

- Backing my car out of our garage. I've never had to worry about this one, until I became a homeowner, at the ripe old age of twenty-seven. Now? I'm always worried while I'm backing out of the garage. I have visions of either snapping a side mirror off or dragging the side of my car alongside the metal frame of the door creating that blood-curdling squeal that often accompanies the scratching of the side of one's car and the paint peeling off. This explains why I inch back out of our garage, constantly checking where I am in relation to the side of the garage. I also love my car a whole big bunch and would absolutely die a little inside if I ever dinged it up that bad.

- Someone living in our basement and/or hiding in that crawlspace beneath the cellar stairs. For the first time in my entire life, I live in a house with a walkout basement. We have beautiful french doors in our basement which open up to a fairly sizeable fenced-in yard. What does this mean? Sure, it's great for parties and entertaining and whatnot, but it's also impeccable access for a creepy stranger to enter into our house. Once entered, where would they hide? Clearly in that space beneath the cellar stairs. You know, right alongside our wine fridge and boxes upon boxes of Christmas ornaments and wedding china. Obviously.

- That a truck will drive itself off of the overpass that I'm currently situated beneath, whether due to a red light or a crossing train, at the exact moment that my car is situated beneath it. I do not have this fear if I'm one of the cars that has stopped shortly before the overpass. Weird? Most definitely. I blame this on watching too many "Final Destination-type" movies.

- Back when my husband was traveling for business four to five days a week and it was just Sheepie and I alone in the house, before falling asleep at night, I would always contemplate where I would hide (with Sheepie) if someone broke into our house and tried to steal us. There was only a very tiny closet in our master bedroom in our old house and an attached bathroom. I knew the closet and the tub would be dead giveaways, but I always assumed I would try and hide in the closet behind all of my clothes. I always wondered how I would keep Sheepie quiet. I would also lay in bed contemplating the jump from our second story bedroom window onto our deck. With the dog. Crazy? Probably.

- Growing up, I used to have this unimaginable fear that as soon as I fell asleep, someone or something would enter my house and the only way I could prevent it from finding me was if I laid perfectly, perfectly still. I would do just that, lay as still as I could, barely breathing. Behind a wall of pillows that I built, hoping that the someone or something would mistake the wall of pillows for my little body. I never worried about that someone or something finding anyone in my house other than myself. Haha, I swear I'm not as crazy as this makes me sound!

As a sidenote, I have absolutely no idea why so many of my "fears" revolve around someone breaking into our house. I've never lived in a house that was broken into, nor have I ever known anyone personally whose house has been broken into. However, I'm pretty sure I have a lifetime of scary movies and an overactive imagination to thank for that.

And lastly...

- I absolutely cannot for the life of me, stand in a small bathroom, such as a powder room, with the door shut and the lights off. And yes, I am twenty-seven years old and the thought of this happening makes me slightly hyperventilate. Why? Because I played that stupid game in junior high school where you locked yourself in the bathroom, turned the lights off, looked into the mirror and said "Blood Mary" three or four or five or ten times, to summon the ghost of Blood Mary into the room. Why in heaven's name would you EVER take part in this game, I have no idea. As a matter of fact, I can't remember how many times you were supposed to say her name, but I know that I never said it that many times because I was dealthy afraid of Mary's ghost coming crashing through the mirror and snatching me up. To this day. I simply cannot stand in a dark powder room. Gives me the heebie jeebies, like woah. Go ahead, laugh your socks off.

But please tell me I'm not alone? So, do you have any irrational fears?

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  1. LOVED this! :)

    Here are some of mine:

    - Sharks. They absolutely Whenever I am in a body of water, I am 100% certain there are some within like 5 feet and I am constantly watching. In the ocean, I usually only go up to about my knees in the water, because I figure sharks dont' really go that shallow. And this is so weird because it is so easy to avoid - just stay out of the water!! What makes it weird is that I live in central PA...def no sharks. :)

    - That when I open the toilet lid, I will see a snake coiled up in it. BLECH. I look every single time I go to the bathroom before I sit down, including during the night. A quick flip of the light does the trick.

    - That when I open the door to go into the garage in the morning (when it is pitch black), there will be someone hiding in there. Or that when I open the garage door to back out, someone will be right along our driveway. I ALWAYS get in the car and lock the doors before I open the garage door. Creepy.

    I think that is enough crazy for now. :)

  2. Not sure that I've ever commented because I usually read on my iPhone and I'm too lazy. But I'm a follower and really enjoy your posts particularly because I have a 9 month old little boy and can so often relate-not that you can tell from my blog since I stopped posting for fear I'd spoil the surprise that I was pregnant...oops. Did I mention the lazy part?

    I am all too familiar with the screech you mention. In fact I heard it just last nit as I backed out of the driveway to head to work. I was a little too close to the bushes. Good thing hubs is out of town.

    When I was little, I'd kick the shower curtain so as to make any hiding intruders waiting to kill me during my midnight pee. To date I cannot look anywhere near a mirror at night time-in fact, I only got my first mirror in my room when I got married 3 years ago and I'm thirty. I am deathly afraid of bloody Mary. When I used to stay with my very lively grandparents when I was little,I did not close my eyes at nit without going over my plan of action should I wake and find them both dead and 7 year old me left to figure things out. I must have seen the same movies.

    I don't think we're paranoid we're just cautious :)

  3. You are 100% NOT alone! I swear I feel irrational about so many of the same things...especially the ones about someone entering the home when I am alone. About the trucks...I have this crazy fear of them on bridges. I am so scared that the wind may knock them over onto my car, so I either stay back really far or race past them to avoid the crunch. I silly.

  4. Growing up, I thought if I had blankets over me I would be protected from anything bad, like an intruder. Let me clarify what I mean by "growing up;" this began when was about 12 and ended... well I will let you know!

  5. I have some of the same fears. I don't know why I think someone is going to break into our house in the middle of the night while we are there??? Clearly watching the news before bed is not a good idea...especially when it is the Detroit,Mi news.

    I cannot walk down a hallway at night in the dark. I have to turn a light on. Why? Who knows. Probably something scary at the other end:)

  6. Oh, Bloody Mary :) It will get anyone! I have an irrational fear that my house is not clean enough in case someone stops by. I am sitting here waiting for the bug man to come spray our house.. and I just cleaned the bathroom because he is going to judge me for having water spots on the mirror.

    I have had many close calls with my mirror in our garage. I get that fear of yours!

    You know what I really hate? When the snow collects between the wheel and mud flap. Once parked in a garage, it melts and falls off in a clump. Get back into the car and back out. CRUNCH! I always think I have backed out of the garage with the garage door down and have smashed into it.

  7. OK, that Bloody Mary game? What the heck was wrong with us as junior high kids? Because I totally remember being scared to fall asleep lest Bloody Mary show up sometime in the night. AH!!

    Ok, my irrational fear: the house burnin down. Now, I realize that this could actually happen and all, but, I am like super duper crazy scared of that happening. Even though we don't have a coffee maker to leave on, I rarely use a curling iron and we own no space heaters--so, there's no real "source", but, I have literally been 2 minutes from work (and thus 30 from the house) and TURNED AROUND to check on the curling iron. Which I did not use!

  8. Again, I'd swear you and I share a brain somehow, along with our kiddies. That whole bloody mary thing? Damn! I just thought about that THIS WEEKEND! no joke!

  9. I have the "someone breaking into our house" fears too... that's why we got a security system. It completely calms those fears. I think just having the sign outside the house makes me feel more safe!

  10. This post had my laughing so hard! I could completely relate to the fear of someone coming into your house, I always had an escape plan! And Bloody Mary... why did we even know about that game as kids?! Absolutely terrifying!

    I am always certain that someone is hiding in my parents garage. When would get home late at night, my instinct was to close the garage door behind my car, you know, to keep creepy killers from walking in behind me. But that just meant I was doomed to be trapped in the garage with the creepy killers already in garage. I would RUN from the car to the house door every single time.

  11. DITTO on the bloody mary! Dark rooms with mirrors scare the crap out of me!! I used to be scared that a poltergeist would cut me up with my razor when I was showering...WAY too many scary movies!!

  12. I'm with you... I'm totally scared of the bloody mary thing... I swear, when I played that game in JH, I saw a face in the mirror... so if I'm in a dark bathroom now, at age 26, I still cannot look in the mirror!!!

  13. I am literally crying while reading this because I think we are the exact same person -- I have all of these fears too!! Garage fear is real since one time I literally ran into the garage door (it had not raised all the way yet) and broke it FOR REAL.... I do the "i have to not move" thing all the time... I have also contemplated jumping out of my bedroom with the dog (although mine would be easier with my 7lb yorkie)... and the BLOODY MARY thing scares the crap out of me to this day... I think you have to say her name 3 times and since a long time ago I'm pretty sure I made it up to 2 I figure that if I just say it one more time she will appear... AHHH!! LOVED this post and glad I am not the only freak in the world... haha!!

  14. I am the same way! I am always terrified someone will break into the house, or has broken into the house! I also have a fear that when I levae the house a fire will start because the coffeepot was left on, and always turn around to double check that everything is ok!

  15. Let this be a lesson in keeping scary movies/horror films away from C as long as you can physically control it :) haha. Seriously, this is why I stay away from them. I read into them too much, and get overfreaked out. I cannot even watch trailers for new horror movies, I close my eyes and hold my ears. no joke.

  16. Bloody Mary is awful! I still cannot be in ANY bathroom with the doors shut and the lights off. Terrified.

    I'm also deathly afraid that while changing lanes, my tire will catch the edge of the little lights on the road, and it will flip my car. I always change lanes between the lights.

    I won't stick my hand in anything I can't see the bottom of. Tubs, puddles, sinks, not happening.

  17. I am terrified of walking down the fish aisle in Petsmart! I'm convinced a fish will jump out of the tank on me!!

  18. You may already know mine... z******. How the heck can I be so terrified of something that ends in "ies?" Ugh. It only happens when I'm home alone. And if I'm trying to fall asleep alone, I definitely also have to play the little "hold perfectly still" game. I wish they weren't so DAMN TRENDY right now, too. T-shirts, movies, coffee mugs, sighhh... Daily torment, seriously.

  19. Irrational fears? No, I don't have any of those. Sorry to disappoint you. Fearing that, when home alone in the dark, Samara from The Ring suddenly appears in your bedroom dorway is a completely rational fear. It could really happen, and probably will, if I ever fall asleep alone in the house.

  20. I don't like the lights to be shut off on my in any room, but especially the bathroom. And definitely if I'm in the shower. I have a fear of showering in the dark (if the power ever went out), but now I have a window in the bathroom.

    And when I was little, I thought if I slept in my stomach, if someone broke in & shot me, they couldn't get my heart or neck, so they couldn't kill me. To this day I still cover my neck when I sleep.

  21. Haha! This made me laugh!

    Especially the man living in your basement part!

  22. Okay, so so random, but...

    I have some sort of irrational fear with public restrooms. If I go pee in a stall in a public bathroom, I have to unlock the door before I can flush it. For some reason, I am terrified that it would overflow and I would be trapped! Makes no sense.

    I also have a fear that if someone were ever going to hide a dead body, they would definitely leave it in a public bathroom stall and I would never know until I opened the door. I know. Crazy.

  23. HA HA HA! You crack me up! I do alot of the same things. Lay in bed as still as possible hoping/praying noone will find me! Plan my hide out or escape route if someone where to break in. but my biggest one is being chased and not being able to get away. It scares the poop out of me!

  24. Ever since The Grudge, no closed bath curtain, and no peeking in the attic in the dark.

    Also, I hate being in elevators for any extended period of time because of the irrational fear that it being broken down will somehow cause it to free-fall... even if it's a hydraulic elevator. You said irrational, so there you go.

  25. i don't think i've ever commented.
    but holy moly..
    we are basically fear twins.
    all of em.
    ME TOO.
    and I don't know why and I always thought i was super weird until JUST NOW.
    thanks for that!

  26. Loved this! One fear that I have as a new mom is that I will be mugged while trying to put my baby in the car, put the stroller in the trunk and then finally getting in the car and locking te door. I feel like I just look like I have no idea what I'm doing! Which I don't. :)

  27. I have definitely snapped the mirror off my car while backing out of the garage!!

    And I've always been that paranoid about someone breaking into my house! I insisted we got a big dog and an alarm system when we bought our house.


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