Friday, December 7, 2012

I'm Going To Die Tired.

I never knew tired until I became a mom. And when I say "tired" I mean really tired. Really, really tired. Like "deep down bone knocking exhausted" kind of tired.

And I don't think there is an end in sight. 

You see, I've lived through the "I'm So Hungover I Might Die" tired days of college and quickly learned to cope with my "I Just Worked Four Twelve Hour Days As A Nurse And I'm Ready To Fall On My Face" tired but the kind of tired that I just can't seem to shake is the current state of "I Don't Think I've Slept A Really Good Sleep Since June 2010 And Now I'm Responsible For Keeping Not Only One Small Human Out Of The ER But Two Small Humans Out Of The ER" exhaustion.

I used pride myself on being able to function on four to five hours of sleep. In fact, I may have used to even brag about it. "Oh me? I'm not tired. I only got four hours of sleep last night but I feel like I could conquer the world!" Rah! Rah!  

Today? The Exhausted Mom Of Two AP would like to punch The Braggy Skinny I Don't Need Sleep At All AP right in the face. I should have slept when the sleeping was good. Or something of the sort. 

It doesn't even matter how many hours of sleep I get any more. Three hours feels just like seven hours although if I'm being honest, I can't even remember what seven hours feels like.  Just when The Toddler had stopped randomly waking up 5 out of 7 mornings a week screaming bloody murder at 3am (Ibuprofen gods, I am bowing down to you as I type), The Baby decided it was no longer cool to sleep through the night only waking once to eat but would rather blaze his own trail waking twice to eat and taking forever and a day to fall back to sleep at 5am. 

Bags have taken up permanent residence underneath my eyes and at this rate? They look more like a full set of luggage than just a bag or two. 

Will someone please pass the coffee? I'll have an extra shot of espresso. Or two.

23 comments :

  1. Yes. I totally feel you. Some nights I RAGE at the fact that EVERYONE ELSE IS SLEEPING while I'm up with one or more babies. It sucks!

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  2. Ditto everything you just said. Avery is getting up 2/3 times a night. Toddler only sleeps if she's in bed with us (disaster. That we created ourselves...)

    All I want for Christmas is 8 straight hours of sleep in my own bed.

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  3. Umm...yes. In fact, I sometimes think I'm so tired, that I'm really not anymore. Sometimes.

    My own Toddler decided that he was going to wake up every 20 minutes between 11 and 4 this morning, when I caved and let him sleep in our bed. Which translated to sleeping on me while randomly head-butting in between.

    Guess what's not happening tonight?

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  4. Uh, yes, I feel your pain. I haven't had a full nights sleep in 2 years. Also I haven't slept in the same bed with my husband in a year. My toddler needs me to sleep with her ALL night every night or she freaks out. I don't have a clue how I'm going to have another baby. We'll sleep someday!

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  5. I was the same...young and dumb, thinking that before children I was tired. I don't remember a day I was not tired and I'm getting ready to be even more exhasted when the litle man makes his arrival. At least then I can indulge in wine again (hell tequila)...always a bright side.

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  6. Maybe we'll sleep when they're 18? Skip keeps making me go to get blood work cause he's concerned at how tired I am. They always come back fine cause I'M JUST A MOM AND ALWAYS TIRED! haha

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  7. I am only six months in and like to tell the husband that he shouldnt complain at all b.c he gets to sleep EVERY night. My baby has yet to sleep through a night - even one time. I could kick my pre-baby self right in the butt for not sleeping more. Longer at night and more naps! (I have a feeling this no sleep business will not keep any one of us from procreating more, just saying!)

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  8. oh man...there is no tired like mommy tired. I'm pretty sure of it! Hang in there Momma!

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  9. Truth. So much truth. I KNOW that what I really need is to just revamp my diet/exercise- As in, eat healthy & exercise... but I'm to tired to detox myself/get in shape. Alas! The cycle continues...

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  10. Oh I hear ya sister! Someday when we are old and gray we will be able to sleep again.

    I'm dreading the restless nights when I have to be at work at 8 AM, now I can just lounge around the house and do nothing. I've got 6 more weeks of maternity leave and then all hell breaks loose. Not that I should complain though, I did take 8 months off. Longest maternity leave in history.

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  11. When I was pregnant with Ethan, this kind of stuff terrified me. No sleep?! Ahhhh.

    But...I have an angel child with sleep. For now.

    HOWEVER, as we know, there's another one coming, and I'd be lying if I didn't have that same terrified feeling...except worse. Because, of course, everyone is saying, "You got lucky...but this time you won't!" Ha. Ha. No, I'm not laughing. ;)

    But I kind of feel like I was ready to conquer the new baby stuff with Ethan, and this time, I'm like, oh gosh...what if Gabe hates sleep...and then I have to deal with him AND a toddler...then what?

    I'm scurred.

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  12. So true! The other day I posted something on facebook that said, "I need to stop saying that I can't get any more tired....because it's not true." I have no idea how i function some days!

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  13. I'm a mom of three and work as a nurse part time giiirrrllll I know what u mean!!!!

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  14. I hear ya! No matter how much sleep I get, I'm always tired!

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  15. Sadly I don't think the end is in site. Because once our toddlers and babies are older, we will sleep with one eye open - are they home yet? Is it past curfew? And heaven help us when they go to college.

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  16. Aww I feel ya mama! Tynlee was finally sleeping through night, then I slept terrible at the end of pregnancy with Anistyn. Then she came and of course slept bad cause of feelings all night. At 7 weeks she was sleeping 10pm-6am ;) then about a month ago....she stopped and wakes up 3+times to eat!!! Is it just growth spurts or what??

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  17. Ditto and ditto some more. I know exactly what you're saying. Easton is a good sleeper (most days) but my slimy little toddler wakes up between 5-6am every. single. morning. He has woken up that early since he was a wee little baby. I basically have to be in bed by 9pm if I want to get a decent nights sleep. But then? I have no time to myself. None whatsoever. So I end up staying up until 11, and then kicking myself the next morning when my kid comes wondering into my room at 5am. Blah.

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  18. Oh girl I hear you! Mom and full time nurse here- I used to work night shift pre-baby and thought I was tired then...nope...this is tired. Tired is full time with a child. I could sleep the rest of my life and still feel tired.
    I even contemplated calling in one day and still taking the baby to the sitter just so I could sleep. Yes. I admit it. (I didn't do it however...guilty conscious.)

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  19. Oh girl! I totally hear you! I swear, when Chloe wasn't sleeping through the night, I thought I was seriously going to keel over at any moment. I could have layed my head on a cement floor and fallen asleep with no problem. But as you know, it gets better....at some point. You are awesome, and an amazing Mama!

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  20. Oh gosh. This is what might kill me about having kids!

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  21. Girl you know I am sooo with you here. G is a good sleeper. She has been from day 1. Well, actually day 2 if I'm being honest. She's had her share of rough nights/weeks but overall I can't complain. YET I AM STILL SO TIRED I WANT TO DIE EVERY SINGLE DAY. The thing is, the two girls? THEY TAG TEAM ME. Even if Gwen sleeps from 7-5 and the 5:15-7:30, Eva will be up 4 times. And if Eva sleeps okay then Gwen will get up.

    And what is with the toddler wakings? I am more likely to be woken by E than by G these days. NO good.

    I do believe I tweeted with you about how at least 3-4/7 mornings a week start before 5 am for me now? BALL SUCKING.

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  22. YES! what the hell is the deal with the toddler waking up at 3AM every night and then the only way he will go back to sleep is if he is in bed with us! MUST END.

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