Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Finances, the Number One Reason for Divorce? You Haven't Met the Snoogle.

You want to know why that woman is smiling? Guess.

No, she's not relishing in the fact that she's growing a tiny human being in her uterus. She isn't embracing the thought that she's about to fulfill one of womens' greatest responsibilities in this world, bringing a new life into existence. She's not even that excited about her matching pajama ensemble (although, if you ask me, I have yet to figure out how a very pregnant woman, like her or myself, could stand wearing socks, let alone having that much clothing touch her body at any given time).

This woman is smiling because her husband most likely just gifted her that awesome body pillow she's spooning with. Or, if you're like me, your husband blissfully and unawaredly purchased that pillow for you for Mother's Day, mostly so that you would stop your bitching and moaning, huffing and puffing and tossing and turning, completely uninformed of the toll it would soon take on his place in the marital bed.

I love my Snoogle. I also love my husband. But let's say my house was on fire and I had to run back in and save something. I would most definitely grab my Snoogle while simulataneously beating my husband with it so that he could get out, too. What? Did you HONESTLY think I wouldn't save my husband? Sheesh. He was the one who bought me the Snoogle, afterall, wasn't he!? You can't kick a gift horse in the mouth, right? Or rather, you can't leave the father of your baby/the giver of the Snoogle in a burning building to fend for himself! I have morals, people!

The Snoogle. A body pillow designed to cradle the pregnant woman's aching body so that she may sleep more comfortably, more soundly and wake up feeling refreshed and rejuvenated.

The Snoogle. A device conjured up by a pregnant woman, taken to bed by said pregnant woman, to ward off sex-seeking husbands, reducing their space to sleep in the bed down to a measly quarter of an inch.

You say tomato, I say to-mah-to, right?

As I'm writing this post, I can almost hear my husband's voice, echoing that last sentiment as he begins to band with other daddy's-to-be, armed with torches and pitchforks, ready to form a coalition against the Snoogle.

Yes, I feel awful 98% of the time, as I'm returning from overnight trip number 476 to the bathroom, standing next to the bed as I fluff and turn the Snoogle, most often knocking my husband in the face/back/knee while he sleeps peacefully.

Yes, I miss spooning with him without a giant foamy, cottony wedge laying defiantly between us.

And yes, it makes me giggle outloud when I wake up, prior to overnight trip number 476 to the bathroom and find my husband, squished up against the opposite side of my Snoogle, mirroring my own spooning position. Drooling, but with a faint smile on his face. Subconsciously, I KNOW he loves the Snoogle, too!

No darling husband, do not think you have been replaced. Although I am sure that I did read somewhere that the Snoogle may or may not be a contributing factor to the rising rates of divorce among young married couples. It was somewhere on a list between "crazy pregnant women horomones" and "crazy, ridiculous demands your pregnant wife will make in the last trimester."

Hey, at least I'll admit to these things, right?

Darling husband, just take solace in knowing that the Snoogle isn't permanent. With a little more than 5 weeks (or less) until Baby Boy makes his entrance into our family, know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. We will be a Snoogle-less sleeping husband and wife again, soon.

Oh, darling husband! By the way... Have I shared with you my thoughts on this fabulous infant-soothing tactic I read all about? It's called.... Co-sleeping!!










Disclaimer: Let it be known that I love my husband WAY more than I love my Snoogle and no, I would NOT rush back into a burning building to save said Snoogle before my darling husband. This post was written purely to delight an audience and does not boast a personal opinion for or against or regarding the benefits, safety or non-benefits of co-sleeping. The author of said post also does not truly believe that the Snoogle is in any way related to the rates of divorce amongst married couples. Read and laugh, dear audience. Read and laugh..

21 comments :

  1. LOVE this! And I feel I must have one immediately. This is getting forwarded to my husband ASAP :)

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  2. A snoogle for real?? omg, so funny... xxxoo

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  3. I didn't splurge on a snoogle, but I got a body pillow for $10 at Target. I'm sure it is not as nice as the snoogle, but it works! My husband isn't crazy about it either because it takes up room and now we never snuggle! But like you, sometimes I wake up and he is snuggled on the other side of it. So sweet!

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  4. I don't have a snuggle pillow like your fancy dancy one, but I might have concocted my own and its absolutely fabulous. And I am right beside you with the whole saving the pillow before the Husband thing. No shame in our fat, swollen game right (me... fat and swollen. you are beautiful).

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  5. i am literally laughing out loud in my office right now. i told my husband just last night that i'm running out to buy one of these asap so i can be somewhat comfortable again while sleeping with this growing belly. i definitely won't be showing him this post before making my purchase.....

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  6. I attribute my good sleeping to this pillow. Honestly, it rocked. I loved it. I slept awesomeeeee. no joke.

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  7. guess who just ordered a snoogle?

    you.light.up.my.life.

    :)

    xo

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  8. Haha so funny! And I'll make sure to remember your birthday is in September and that you'll be craving some delicious wine ;)

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  9. I am surprised you don't use sheepie as your snoggle!!

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  10. This is hilarious :)
    I'm not even pregnant yet, and i want one!

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  11. oh yeah, already started begging ... i mean asking politely... for one of these! my sleeping is insane lately!

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  12. I have been debating purchasing one of these..I am at week 27 and sleep is just beginning to get uncomfortable...sounds like its worth it....look out hubby...

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  13. This is hilarious because I just watched "The Backup Plan" last night (terrible movie btw) and J-Lo was pregnant in it and had a Snoogle. Her boyfriend got so fed up that he threw the Snoogle in the dumpster and she went in after it!

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  14. Haha too funny! I loved this post. I may just have to go get a snoogle later in my pregnancy. But seriously where did that name came from? :)

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  15. Haha...this post makes me think of that J. LO movie that was out this winter. At one point I think her boyfriend actually chucked the pillow into the dumpster.

    Apparently I'm missing something since I don't own one myself. I've been doing ok just putting a regular pillow between my legs, oh sweet relief! Honestly, all that pillow business going on with the snoogle would probably just make me hotter....if that's even possible at this point.

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  16. I'm your newest follower. Please follow me back at www.jessielynnsmith.com
    Thanks!
    Jess

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  17. This is hysterical!!! And ooohh man is the snoogle going on my list of things to buy now! I'm excited just thinking about it! I'm not at the troubled sleeping stage YET, but I will be prepared for when I am. I can't believe you're meeting your bundle of joy in FIVE WEEKS!!! HOLY HEAVENS EXCITING!!!!!

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  18. Thanks for your comment! I have the snoogle!!! :) It is AMAZING!!!

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  19. I never had a snoogle, but I did wear out my body pillow! And pretty much every other pillow in my house!

    And I must admit.. I kind of miss that old body pillow. Actually, I just miss my pillows since I pretty much never see them anymore!

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  20. My best friend who is also pregnant just bought herself one and I jokingly asked her is there was room for hubby in their bed anymore. She said no. =)

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