No, your eyes do not deceive you dear Loyals. I did, in fact, use the word "hoo-ha" in the title of this post.
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Sadly, I went to bad last night mourning the loss of whatever pelvic floor muscles I had prior to my pregnancy with Carter and woke up with a full blown eulogy written for them in my dreams.
Nobody warns you about the feeling of tiny little baby hands consistently punching you in the hoo-ha. In fact, it seems to be rather Forbidden Talk. Well. I'm here to change all that. Because if you are ever considering having children, this is strictly a Need To Know.
Tiny baby hands.
Hoo-ha.
Punching.
Sidenote: How many times can I say "hoo-ha" in this post? Do you feel like you should be taking a shot of something strong each time you read it? You know, kind of like that drinking game where you take a shot every time Sting sings "Roxaaaaaaane?"
I say, "go for it."
Now, don't get all high and mighty on me and remind me I should be thankful for the tiny baby hands punching me in the hoo-ha because I'll be the first to say that I am. I am thankful for them and I cannot wait to nibble them and kiss on them come June. However, that doesn't mean that I cannot be frustrated and absolutely one hoo-ha punch shy of shaving my head a la Britney Spears Breakdown because they can't stop, won't stop as I'm laying in bed willing myself to fall asleep at night.
It's a strange thing- being kicked and punched from the inside and having zero control over the movement. And at times? It could very well drive me insane.
Somebody hide the hair clippers.
OK. Katherine did the SAME thing (though it was her stinky little feet), and it made my skin crawl.
ReplyDeleteIt also made me - despite being completely irrational & impossible - freak out that I was going to go pee in the middle of the night and find a foot dangling out of my hoo-ha.
I LOVE this post! I however do NOT have tiny hands or feet punching me in my hoo-ha, apparently BW will only lay sideways, so I get side action only! Bambino had better MOVE soon otherwise BW will have a scheduled birthday as well!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad I wasn't drinking anything - I would have spit! I have a visual of someone giving birth and the first thing that appears is a pair of "jazz hands" - Tyler never dropped - so all my kicks and things were in the ribs.
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness, you have every right to be frustrated. When I have my mini's one day you can remind me that this is normal.
ReplyDeleteAnd Hoo-Ha is an everyday word in my vocabulary.
E used to do the same thing. I would swear she was in there scratching her way out. Yea. Freaky.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, love the word Hoo-Ha! And this is oh so true. I def dont miss this. Keep it up you are almost there girl!
ReplyDeleteThis reminds me of that scene from Juno when she declares that her baby has fingernails. "do you think the baby can like scratch your vag on the way out?" Ha! My son used to scrape his gigantic head against my pelvic bones those last few weeks. No fun. No fun at all.
ReplyDeleteConsider the hair clippers hidden haha and I absolutely love that you used the phrase hoo-ha not only in the title but continuously throughout the post. On another note, if the truth about pregnancy was ever revealed, you know like punches in the hoo-ha no one would ever give in to baby fever :) that's the only reason I've come up with as to why no one ever warns you about these things!
ReplyDeleteHope M2 gives your hoo-ha a break....now there's something I never thought I'd say!
I just took eight shots of vodka for every hoo-haa.... what a way to start my morning. LOL
ReplyDeleteI remember this all too well with Mia. It's amazing, yet annoying and frustrating because it is not something we can control. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteJack has just started to do this and it is the strangest feeling. Sometimes he will hit a nerve and it feels like he has shocked me. Thankfully, the pain is over quick. I can't imagine how it will be the bigger he gets!
ReplyDeleteI remember that! Not fun! No matter how grateful you are for a pregnancy, there's still aspects that suck and that's one of them :P
ReplyDeleteJack was a big butt head in the punches to the hoo-ha department... he was so mean to my bladder as well that it started "spasming" in my last 3 weeks.. what are bladder spasms you may ask?! I am really not certain (shock! the dr. couldn't explain it in "real human" terms) but they were awful and ruined my bladder forever (8 months post partem and still peeing 3 times a night) silly fetus.
ReplyDeleteI have that too! So much more this pregnancy than last. Must be something about that second pregnancy.
ReplyDeletetoo funny! I'm experiencing the same thing right now... so strange - I cannot lie, I am SO ready to not be pregnant anymore for a variety of reasons [meeting my baby girl being reason #1 of course]
ReplyDeleteI have never experienced the hands punching in the hoo-ha...
ReplyDeleteJust the FEET, KICKING me in the hoo-ha. How do you like them apples? :)
You know, K never punched me in the hoo. I wish I could empathize with you. So I guess I will laugh at you instead :) hahahaha
ReplyDeleteThis totally happened to me as well. I thought I would look down and see Charlotte's hand sticking out. It only got worse there at the end, so hold on Momma!
ReplyDeleteOMG, I seriously LOLed when I read the title of this post! My second boy did the exact same thing and I would jump while I was at work (I work with mostly men) and they would ask what was wrong! I thought he was trying to claw his way out of me. I swear that's what made my water break because I could feel little sharks pokes down there that whole night. Then, I checked his nails out after he was born and sure enough...little claws! You are hilarious!
ReplyDeleteOh I hear you. I don't know if you've seen on twitter but I've been ranting and raving to everyone and their sister about my broken vagina bone. Honestly, my pelvis is in a bad, bad state. It's not the punching from the baby, but the actual bone structure shifting and it is some mad dog pain. It doesn't mean we're not thankful for these babies ... it just means we'd rather not have our lady parts destroyed in the process.
ReplyDeleteI love this post! Every woman whose been pregnant has been there, sister!
ReplyDeleteYesss! It's awful! I was getting kicked in the ribs while being punched in the hooha. 2 for 1.
ReplyDeleteHaha! Love it! O used to manage to kick my bladder. It was real fun. So often, that I thought it was him kicking me when my water broke! Can't wait to see what this bug does to me... xo
ReplyDeleteI've been feeling this since 20 weeks (this baby has been low the entire time). I pretty much walk around all day with a look of shock on my face. Awesome-sauce.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, Ella did this. It was horrible. I literally used to swear I was going to find a tiny fist protruding from my, well, my hoo-ha when I got undressed at night.
ReplyDeleteUgh. Add that to my list of things I'm not looking forward to when I get pregnant again.
You crack me up!
ReplyDeleteLol!! Feeling movements inside of you is the weirdest thing!
ReplyDeleteI love this post, my not so little guy never dropped, so this was never a problem for me, but apparently it is not a rare accurence.
ReplyDeleteAlso, you have received a Sunshine Award! Please read my latest post and share the love! http://jules-beautifulday.blogspot.com/2012/04/sunshine-award.html#links
Thanks, and have a great weekend!
Oh no! That has to be so frustrating. And I guess you can't do any kind of massage or relaxation techniques to encourage the kid to move, huh?
ReplyDeleteI love this post! I totally remember that feeling. Cuz I had that too with Miss Chloe! She was a little B when it came to the kicking of the ribs and punching of the ho-ha! Not cool!
ReplyDeleteOh man, kicks to the cervix are THE WORST! Viv used to jam her head up in my lungs and then kick me in the "hoo-ha" with all her might, so I'd get the double whammy of lightening crotch and having the wind knocked out of me all at once. Pregnancy is fun.
ReplyDeleteBah ha ha ha aha!!! Girl I totally know how you feel!! I complained about this to my hubby Every. Single. Night!!! Thank goodness is child is out of my insides now!! I'm prayin for ya girl hope that baby gives your hooha a break! (wait, did I just mention your hooha?)
ReplyDelete