Thursday, April 12, 2012

I'm Pregnant, Stop Hitting On Me You Weirdo!

There was an instance, while I was pregnant with Carter, that The Husband and I will occasionally bring up. It's usually brought on by a compliment bestowed upon me by The Husband that goes a little something like this, "You look hot today. {Pause}. Yep, that's right. I knocked you up." 

Crass, yes, but he does only speak the truth. About the knocking up part, at least. How The Husband finds my routine visage of mom-hair and yoga pants attractive, I'll never know but I will continue to thank god that he does. 

I'll coyly smile, swat his hands away from my grotesquely huge boobs and swollen midsection and ask him if he remembers "that time when that guy from my best friend's wedding wouldn't leave me alone?" To which he will reply, "Oh man. What a weirdo. He had such a thing for pregnant women." 

And I hadn't thought much about it until last week when I was standing in line at Toys R Us, waiting to purchase the bubble machine that would later grace Carter's Easter basket. It was in this line that I was drawn into conversation with the man standing behind me in line- a man who appeared to be a forty-something Dad of two young boys who were, at that moment, running amok. 

"You have quite the glow about you. If I had to guess, this would be your first?" 

Casually glancing around to check for other pregnant women in the aisle of which I quickly noted none, I realized the man was talking to me. 

"Oh, thanks! Actually, no. This is my second." 

"Wow. You look great. I don't remember my wife looking that good with number two!" 

I quickly scanned for a wedding band as I noticed he did not say "ex-wife." Wedding band in tact, I thanked him for his compliment and began loading the contents of C's Easter basket onto the belt, hoping to god that the woman in question didn't suddenly come running from a nearby aisle brandishing a wiffle ball bat, screaming obscenities at him.

The questions continued. 

"Yes, a boy!" 

"He'll be our second. His big brother is 20 months old." 

"I bet your husband is a proud man!" 

I could practically smell this man's testosterone raging.

"Yes, he is. We're both very excited. I can't wait for a house full of boys!"

"Well your husband and your son(s) are very, very lucky indeed." 

Talk about the most awkward seven minutes of my life

I couldn't help but wonder what that man found so attractive about me. As it was, I stood there in line before him, thirty pounds heavier than I was just 7 and a half months ago, swollen fingers, pre-pubescent teenage skin raging, wearing clothes fit for a sack of potatoes. 

And then it hit me and simultaneously made me want to throw up. He was attracted to my fertility. 

Vomit. Vomit. Vomit. 

Much like that groomsmen in my best friend's wedding just two short years ago during my pregnancy with Carter. When I tell you that this guy wouldn't leave me alone- I mean he was always standing within three feet of my person. 

In fact, he practically mowed down the bride and groom to grab a seat next to me on the trolley after the ceremony. Every where I turned, there he was. Asking about my pregnancy. Showering me with compliments, even as I stood beside my husband at the reception later that evening. 

We both thought "what balls he must have" and after two years, it finally clicked. Dude's got a thing for pregnant women and he's not alone apparently. 

My friend Katie recently shared this article with me on my Facebook wall and it's what prompted me to write this post. 

As skeeved out as I am, it all makes sense to me now and it's nice to know that I'm not alone. 

Although, I don't think I can say that I exude confidence while wearing My Pregnant Suit, I can understand just a bit more about a man's infatuation, albeit downright obsession in some cases, with the pregnant female form. 

I mean, after all, we grow humans. That's pretty damn hot in my book. 

26 comments :

  1. OMG one of J's high school friends was totally one of these guys when I was preg! "you look great!" "how's your back?" "your feet" "any symptoms?" I just thought it was bc he's in pre-med but omg he was hitting on me!

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  2. This is such a great post!! I had this happen to me with both pregnancies and thought the same thing as you AP, why would someone be hitting on me in my pregnant state, but after reading your post/article I know now :)

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  3. Ugh! I hate that. Makes me sick too! And you are right, they are attracted to fertility!!!!! But hey, at least it feels good to know that even being in a potato sack, you are turning heads!

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  4. Ok so I totally get the male...umm...attraction to a woman who's fertile, but in this day and age I feel like they should be mature enough to contain themselves! Way to make you feel uncomfortable! and honestly....SO WEIRD

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  5. Wow! What a creep-o. Men are such weird beings I tell ya. But you have obciously got the MILF going on..haha.

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  6. I've always been hit on more while pregnant than not. It's definitely weird.

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  7. Iiiiiick! My hubby's best friend loves pregnant ladies too...but not in a creepy way whatsoever! My husband loves me no matter what state I'm in and he tells me all the time - so lucky I am!

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  8. Bahaha. "Vomit. Vomit. Vomit." Ugh. Those conversations CREEP me out.

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  9. Weird!!! I was also hit on a little bit while pregnant... it MUST be some weird fetish for guys!!

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  10. I got hit on more times when I was pregnant than I think I've ever been not pregnant. Even days that I'd had my 2 kids with me along with my big ole baby #3 belly.... it was quite sickening.

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  11. Omg this is too funny!! Before I was ever pregnant with J the hubs always said he thought I'd be a hot pregnant lady which grossed me out, but it was my husband and would be his child making me a whale...some other guy saying this? Creepy!

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  12. My husband says he never really paid attention to pregnant women until I became pregnant. Now? He finds it extremely attractive. Haha here is too hoping my husband will never be a weirdo like that guy though!

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  13. Hahaha! Seriously, your words crack. me. up. And that's just weird, I'm probably actually vomit on his shoes!

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  14. Interesting....I'll have to be on the lookout for these men. Gag.

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  15. Holy sheet, that was an awkward conversation. Oh ew. That would skeeve me out to the enth degree. I like to just pretend people with those fetishes don't exist, but I guess they do. However, I thank God daily that my husband still finds me attractive while pregnant, groping my butt and boobs and all, even though I've swatted him away 912890x just a few minutes before. lol ;)

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  16. Too weird! Would/will totally creep me out.

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  17. That is just too funny. I never got hit on when I was prego...maybe that's because I was NOT a hot prego...lol! My Husband wouldn't barely even touch me when I got to be 8-9 months along. It was horrible. I was so emotional about being a fat pregnant hog, and it was so hot that summer ugh, it was just miserable. The doctor told us to have sex to make labor start, and Husband pretty much laughed in my face. I cried myself to sleep a lot, I'll say that. But now that has all changed since I have my body back. LOL!!! But seriously, Men that are attracted to the pregnant body, Ick! Vomit!

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  18. Hi Ashley, just stopping by to say how delightful your blog is. Thanks so much for sharing. I have recently found your blog and am now following you, and will visit often. Please stop by my blog and perhaps you would like to follow me also. Have a wonderful day. Hugs, Chris
    http://chelencarter-retiredandlovingit.blogspot.ca/

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  19. Tuesday night at the HOSPITAL of all places, my dad's male nurse tech hit on me. I didn't realize it at first and my response was awkward. But my SIL called it out and my response. She said I must be really outta practice being hit on, cause I totally flaked out on responding to him. Dismissing it awkwardly.

    Looking back, sure enough. He did. In front of my dad who was admitted for chest pains and was getting stints in the next AM. Really?!?!?! I looked a wreck! I'd worked 10 hours, driven over an hour to see my dad, been up since 5am and it was going on 9pm. And HELLO- belly and wedding ring! Really!?!?!?

    I have to say though, in this instance he was quite the hottie.

    LOL- Fertility. Men.

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  20. You've got the glow momma! What can you say?!?!! You just can't help it!

    Happy Baby Growing Hot Momma!

    xoxo

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  21. Oh my gosh. I am sorry you had to go through this, but it is funny. And creepy. Being pregnant is such a funny thing because it is such a happy joyous time and a lot of people say you look beautiful and whatnot, but most of the time WE do not feel beautiful and it's hard to take compliments. And even harder to take compliments from a man you realize is flirting with you! Happy weekend!

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  22. Very creepy albeit oddly flattering.

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  23. First things first, I LOVE your blog. You're so fun and I'm glad I found it! Great reads! :)

    Secondly, I read this post out loud to my husband and we both laughed. So funny!

    Thirdly, Men are weird. I haven't had the joy of being pregnant yet, but I sincerely hope the hormonal pregnancy loving guys in my area steer clear. Can you say gross and uncomfortable?! Ha

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  24. http://www.cnn.com/2012/04/11/living/cook-pregnancy-attraction/index.html?iref=obnetwork

    And again, you find that you are not alone ;)

    xo
    -W.

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