Thursday, March 10, 2011

Traffic Court: Speed Ticket? More Like Speed Dating!

Traffic Court. What an experience. Ladies, if you're single and looking for a few good men? Get a speeding ticket.

Now, before you go leaving crazy anonymous comments, I do not condone speeding. For the record, I am a very judicious driver and at all times try my best to be a responsible driver. We all know that I would never intentionally do anything that would put the life of myself and my child in danger. With that being said, I am only human. Human and a new Mommy to boot. Therefore, I got a speeding ticket. It was way back when. Carter was just shy of his two month birthday and we were on our way home from a Target run. He was in serious meltdown mode and as I'm sure you Mama's can relate, my nerves were shot and all I could think about was getting home. Something about the loud unforgiving screams made me drive a little faster.

Telling my husband that I got a speeding ticket is a lot like telling my father that I got a C on a Physics test back in high school. Long story short, my husband told me that I couldn't just pay the fine but that I would have to go to Traffic Court to, as he so eloquently put it, "beg and plead for my forgiveness and no points." The New Budget leaves zero wiggle room for inflated insurance premiums and therefore, I had no choice but to plead guilty and plead my case before a judge. 

I've never been to court before. The last time I was in a courtroom was back in high school when I was a part of the Mock Trial team. Needless to say, the thought of having to stand up before a judge and explain why I felt her Honor should amend the driving points I received for a poor exercise in driving judgement was beyond me. Literally from the day I mailed back my ticket requesting a court date, every time I thought about the impending trial I would break into a cold, clammy sweat. 

Four months pass and just when I thought they had forgotten about me or put a warrant out for my arrest, a letter arrives in the mail stating The State of Maryland requests the presence of Ashley Paige M on March 8th in the District Court of Insert-Town-Here. Vomit.

So, what does one wear to court? And by "one," I mean a postpartum Mama who fits into about 76% of her clothes and hasn't worn anything but jeans, leggings and black yoga pants for approximately the last seven months? Well, I'll tell you. She wears skinnies, Reva's and a nautical-inspired JCrew top. 

Do you have any idea what she doesn't wear to court? Her wedding rings. Obviously this oversight was not on purpose, as it happened to be a side effect of lifting weights each night to the tune of P90X. Let's just say this small oversight prompted the madness that was about to ensue. 

I walk into the courthouse behind a good looking young fellow. Adorable, really. He holds the door for me and we both have that deer-in-headlights look to us. I thank him and proceed to empty my loose change, purse and watch into the little airport-style X-ray machine. If I had to guess, he's probably a good 2 years my junior. Khakis, boat shoes, wool pea coat. Grade-A college cute, for sure. Not sure of where to head next, I follow a group of fellow lawbreakers to the bulletin board where I'm apparently supposed to check to see which docket I was listed on. Court room number 3 with a female judge. Great, if she's anything like the female cop who gave me this ticket, I might as well go home now. 

I take a seat inside the courtroom. I start playing a little game with myself called, "look around the room and guess what people are here for." Before I could guess what the little old lady wearing the babushka did, Young Door-Holder Guy casually takes a seat next to me. Oh, here we go. 

Not a minute passed before this conversation took place: 

YDHG: So, what are you here for?

AP: A speeding ticket. 

YDHG: Me too. (2 minutes pass) How fast were you going?

AP: Um, I'm not proud of it but 70 in a 55.

YDHG: Ahh, yeah. I was going 79 in a 50. That's like, $160 bucks! Hey, do you know if we're supposed to keep this paper?

AP: I have no idea, this is my first time in court. 

YDHG: Me too! You know, we should really go out to lunch to celebrate the outcome of our trial. My treat. Heck, I'll take you any where if I don't have to pay $160 dollars in fines!

It's a shame I couldn't turn back to see the look on his face at the mention of my "at-the-time two month old son who was riding in the back seat," during disposition. 

I'm not sure how the guy behind me in line would have reacted to that statement either, had he heard it before asking me for my number in line at the Clerk's Office. 

Maybe Mama has her mojo back? I can't risk another speeding ticket to find out!

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  1. BAHAHAHA I LOVE IT! Work it girl! Truth be told, even though I'm also spoken for, those little confidence boosters from Randoms don't hurt! (So, how was lunch? Hehe :P)

  2. woo-hoo :o)
    you go mama!!!

    this made me laugh out loud.

  3. Who knew traffic court would be a great place to get hit on? Haha! I agree...a great confidence booster :)

  4. Haha go girlfriend!!!! Did you get out of the ticket though???

  5. Haha too funny. I once got pulled over for 85 in a 55, I was 17, it sucked.

  6. Ummm so where did you go to lunch AP? I kid I kid....

    Being married to a cop I always hear the "first Timers" stories from inside the courtroom... how did you do.. did she drop the charge.. PBJ?

    O and for the record.. Female cops are bitches... everyone of them.. some of the ones that my hubs works with are my friends.. but as soon as they put that uniform on they go into all out bitch mode.

    she could have let you go... my husband lets everyone go with just a warning unless they are jerks

  7. You gotta love that! It's definitely good for the new mama self esteem!

  8. So, I am totally going to have to share this with my single sister. What a brilliant idea to pick up guys! You could write a book about it. ;) Lol!

    Obvs, you looked adorable if you had all of these young cuties hitting on you!

  9. Congrats lol! We all need "compliments" like that every now and then.

  10. haha I think you've still got it! :) did you get out of the ticket!?

  11. Awe yea! Hot mama in the court room;-) Maybe he liked that you were a reckless drive and cute dresser!:-)

  12. definitely haven't lost your mojo. good for you, hot momma!! and i feel you on the screaming-baby-in-the-backseat thing...torture.

  13. That's hysterical! Nothing wrong with a little self-esteem boost every now and then. :)

  14. Poppy says...

    I'd take a "C" in Physics over scooting around at Mach-1 with my Carter-man clinging to his 4-point baby seat belt anyday!!!...

    He told me the truth...


  15. My goodness! I can't believe it. I wonder if that just happens in your area or not! :) I'm not going to find out though.

  16. It will be very interesting for the people who will attend. It is also useful especially about social media, people can get information because of this. Thanks for sharing.

  17. It will be very interesting for the people who will attend. It is also useful especially about social media, people can get information because of this. Thanks for sharing.


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