Thursday, July 15, 2010

Husband vs. Stretchmark Fail.

Always one to give credit where credit is due, I will preface this post by saying that my husband truly should be put up for sainthood. Every "Honey, will you rub this?" and "Honey, will you rub that?" and "Honey, will you get (move) (change) (buy) (scratch) this?" has been met with nothing more than a smile and a, "Sure, babe. Anything for you."

Okay, so maybe there have been a few death stares and grunts exchanged here and there, but for the most part? This man has been amazing. Admittedly crazy, whiney and often hormonally challenged, I know it hasn't been easy. I don't think I could have put up with myself these past few weeks. However, I have to say, Hubs, you recently dropped the ball. We may have to put your nomination for sainthood on hold for a bit. Here's why.

It happened. I knew it was inevitable. I found my first stretchmark. In my 36th week of pregnancy. That sonnofabitch. It's on the bottom of my belly. Right where Baby Boy has been keeping his head nestled so conveniently above my right hip.

Walking into the family room with my tanktop hiked up underneath my bowling balls boobs, wearing a look of utter devastation on my face:

AP: Hubs? Will you still love me post baby and want to jump my just-having-birthed-a-linebacker bod, even with this terrible, horrible stretchmark on my belly?

Hubs: [Truly giving this question much more thought than necessary] Is it permanent?

Erghh. That wasn't quite the answer I was going for. Wasn't there a whole chapter on this in that baby book you've been reading? Something along the lines of, "Things Your Wife Wants to Hear When She Asks You Crazy Questions Like Will You Still Love Me Even With This Stretchmark?"

I was hoping for a resounding, "Stretchmark? What stretchmark? Ohmygoodness, of course I will!" Don't worry, Hubs. We'll keep practicing. Because god knows there will be plenty more crazy questions where that came from... And then we can reinstate that sainthood nomination.

17 comments :

  1. Haha. Oops. My husband has had a few FAIL moments too. We were at Target and I was looking for a robe to take to the hospital...I went to try it on and he said...

    "You really think you'll need that size after the baby is born? Remember you won't have your huge gut anymore."

    The sad part is, after shooting him the nasty look, he didn't even bat an eye...like he'd said NOTHING wrong. Men are dumb sometimes.

    ReplyDelete
  2. HA. TRUST ME ON THIS ONE--he will NOT CARE about any hint of stretchmarks after 6 weeks of being, ahem...inactive. TRUST ME. He will want to jump you. And you? Well, thats another story. And if you REPLY back to me on this I'll be sure to tell you a WAY WAY WAY TMI story that you MIGHT NOT want to hear ;) but still. ha.

    ReplyDelete
  3. O my goodness.. true story..

    My husband and I were getting dressed one morning for church and I said " Man another thing that doesn't fit anymore" he said "what are you talking about you look great your all belly, I don't think much on you have changed other then your baby bump and your boobs" I glarred at him and said " your just saying that, you wouldn't tell me if I was getting fat". He said " No really you look great... (here's where he should have stopped).. the only thing I have noticed is you hips have really gotten wider"!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Let me just tell you, it's a good thing I didn't have a weapon on ym hand... becuase I could be seriously injured at this point.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Haha! Too cute! That made my night! :) Don't worry about it! I'm at 22 weeks....no stretchmarks-YET....BUT the varicose veins are getting out of control! I nearly cried the other morning! I mean...seriously?!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Aww! Despite the stretchmark fail, your hubby sounds like a wonderful guy:) Great story, though! Mine would have said the same thing, I'm sure!

    ReplyDelete
  6. whatever, you are going to be one hot mama.. he is going to want you day and night! :) guys put their feet in their mouths all the time -- don't let it bother you too much!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hi! New follower here! Great story. I'm 21 weeks along and can't wait to read more from you. And if it makes you feel any better, I just KNOW I'm going to be hit with the stretch marks.

    ReplyDelete
  8. It makes me happy when I read blogs by women who applaud their husbands rather than talk about how he needs to get his hand out of his pants.

    Sounds like you've got it good! So do I! Heres to us!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I loved this so much. SO so so much! I'll tell you what, I'll still love you dear bloggy friend with or without your stretch marks :)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Despite their momentary lapses in judgement, these men of ours are pretty awesome. We'll just give them the occasional drop kick off our swollen feet if they screw up. At least we have an excuse :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. girl I promise you when you get cleared at 6 weeks, stretchmarks will be the last thing on his mind!!

    and i got one stretchmark during pregnancy. sounds like it's in the same place as yours. but then when the belly deflated, there were way more than one. boo.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I still remember the day when I woke up with a stretch mark. I cried for hours! The next morning I woke up with 10. It was terrible. :( Husbie constantly tells me they 'aren't that bad'. Sweet, but I totally don't believe him! I have found a couple of stretch mark creams that really help - try StriVectin if your will to shell out some serious $$$. If you want to go the budget route, the Avon Anew works as well.

    ReplyDelete
  13. LOOOOOVE this! You are hysterical. He'll get the hang of it soon, I'm sure. And how AWESOME that you are almost done and you only have ONE stretch mark. I bet it will be gone before you know it. :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. Dude, if you stare at my 37 wk belly from the front, you'd think I was in the clear stretchmark-wise. It wasn't until we were working on our bathroom remodel last week that I was standing over the mirror, which was laying flat on the floor that I saw the underside of this behemoth growing on the front of me. There were at least 5 to 6 strechmarks. Cue bad mood. Luckily my husband acts like yours usually does and was smart enough to get me more ice cream and make no comments about what I discovered.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Oh good job! lol. What a DH fail! Sigh and I thought this sort of stuff only comes out of my DH's mouth!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Ha! Cute story. I found your blog from BEG and had to check you out since we are both having linebacker sons any time now! I will have to say your hubby is way more obliging than mine! Mine is sick to death of my many requests!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Yes, even the most sainted husbands sometimes say insensitive things during pregnancy. When we found out that we were having twins (instead of just one baby) my husband commented that I could probably kiss my new Lilly P. bathing suit goodbye. I may have gotten back to pre-baby shape after the first pregnancy, but let's face it - twins? He now suffers memory loss when this comment is mentioned (and he's been proven wrong). (Incidentally, I should mention that post-baby weight loss takes time and patience. My motto is 9 months on, 9 months off.)

    ReplyDelete

As always, thanks so much for reading ILYMTC. If you have any questions about a post or want to get in touch with me (or any of the cast of characters here at ILYMTC) email me at iloveyoumorethancarrots(at)gmail(dot)com.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...