Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Let's Talk Toddler.

Toddlers are a creature all their own. At least mine is, anyway. With a distinct language unique to him (a blend of what sounds like Mandarin and Spanish mixed with a mouth full of marbles, we like to call it "Mand-ish") and a passion for everything dangerous and dirty, there is never a dull moment in the M house hold. 


Take for instance Sunday afternoon. For months now, we've taken to putting C down for his nap without pants on. I know what you're thinking "mistake number one," but I promise this is headed in a slightly different direction than you are imagining. Slightly.


I mean, if I was going down for a nap, I certainly wouldn't want to be wearing bulky cargo shorts, so it only made sense (at the time) to de-pants The Toddler before putting him to bed. And for months, it's worked out quite well for us, meaning there has never been any "Poop Picasso" antics going on behind closed doors. 


However, let's travel back to Sunday afternoon, shall we? The Toddler had just woken up from his nap and was brought downstairs for a delectable lunch of watermelon cubes and peanut butter and jelly. Pants-less, I could hear him running around the living room giving poor Sheepie a run for his money while I prepared lunch. 


And then it happened. 


As I lovingly stood cutting the crust away from The Toddler's sandwich, Sheepie came running into the kitchen with said Toddler's discarded diaper in his mouth and in that moment, I've never been more thankful for a tattletale Sheepie. 


I quickly abandoned the crust-cutting and hauled arse into the living room where there was no Toddler to be found.. just a handful of tiny little pee-streaks gracing my beautiful ikat area rug.  As I followed the pee-streaks (why couldn't he just leave behind bread crumbs like Hansel and Gretel) I was led to find The Toddler teetering atop one of the upholstered dining room chairs, holding his foot in his hand, exclaiming "uh-oh, mama. uh-oh." 


To what did adorn that size 9 toddler foot? Oh just s smear or two of Toddler poop.


The Toddler pooped on the floor. Stepped in it and proceeded to climb atop my beautiful, brand new upholstered dining room chair. 


For the love. 


I've never screamed louder for The Husband than in that moment as I hoisted the thirty-eight pound Poopsicle up and away into the kitchen where I promptly began rinsing him down in the sink. 


Just when you think you've skirted another inevitable "Toddler Milestone" somebody has to  go and strip naked, poop on the floor and step in it. 


Just another day in the life of The Toddler's Mama. Oh and in case you're ever headed to our house for a dinner party? I'll never, ever tell which chair fell victim to The Poop and Run. 



30 comments :

  1. I fear the day we have a poop situation, I know it's not too far away. Could we skip it? I doubt it. and does C really weigh 38 lbs!?

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  2. hello! longtime follower, first time commenter. this post had me in stitches remembering my own "mommmy, i pooped! and i took it out my diaper and threw it on the floor" incident when my daughter was 2. (http://magidbaby.blogspot.com/2010/01/it-happened-again.html)

    for this reason, her baby brother (a few months older than C) is forbidden from wearing 2 piece jammies! ;)

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  3. Yup- we have been trying to get our toddler's booty "some air" here and there. She is obviously no where close to potty training because the diaper off means instantly peeing- wherever she is and if you let her get air too long, well poop is the next to follow.

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  4. Oh my gosh get out!! That is like my worse fear and it happened to you. C is sure giving you a run for your money girl. Good luck...haha.

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  5. I, not having a kid yet, laughed throughout this...though I know when this eventually happens to me, I;ll freak.

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  6. Oh AP I feel for u!!!
    Hudson sleeps pantless at nap & bed....only because the boy sweats like we live in the jungle!

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  7. first time commenter here, but i've been reading for awhile. sunday at the end of naptime, i could smell poop from my 2 yo daughter's room. When I opened the door, all I saw was a big wet spot and all these little poop balls lined up in a row. I opened the door a little more and saw a diaper and then my 2 yo. So not only had she taken her diaper off but she had lined up the poop. GROSSS!!!!

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  8. Uh oh...sounds like someone is getting ready to potty train!! A friend just told me that one of the signs your child is ready is taking their diaper off and doing the business on the floor. I'm sure thats NOT what you want to hear with a new one on the way!! haha! too funny.

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  9. Meredith still wears a pull up at night...the other morning she woke up before me and had pooped in her diaper. She then proceded to smear it on her four poster bed "So the spiders wouldn't get her" I feel your pain

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  10. Oh, the poop in the floor fiasco. Seriously. Seriously? I've been there mama. Multiple times. It is etched into my mind forever

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  11. Eww. My son once pooped in the yard because he saw the dogs do it, but at least it wasn't in the house!!!

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  12. Eww. My son once pooped in the yard because he saw the dogs do it, but at least it wasn't in the house!!!

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  13. You have me in stitches every time. Every time. Crack me the eff up!

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  14. Lol. Something totally similar happened to Emily this week. She had apparently taken off her diaper before or after falling asleep for her nap, and upon waking, had pooped on the floor. I heard her cry upstairs, figured she had just woken up, and finished putting dinner in the oven (literally, so it was like 2 minutes of waiting).
    When I got up there, she was naked, hiding in the corner behind her door (as far from the poop as possible, without leaving the door area) holding her little finger out which had a dab of poop on it. Poor child. She was upset forever. I'm not sure if it's because having pooped in her darkish room and being scared to step in it, or just because she was embarrassed.

    Emily spend a lot of time diaperless around here, even though she isn't potty trained. Mostly for some bum airing, but also because we're casually potty training, and she's able to hold it for quite long stretches.

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  15. LMAO! So funny! We thankfully did not have this happen...we did have one poop in the bathtub episode...and we were at a park on Sunday night that did not have any bathrooms (and thankfully, no one else there!!!) and let's just say we helped our toddler master the squat without a seat, never mind a squat hovering over a seat. And we did clean up!

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  16. I want to laugh and cry all at the same time. Like you, we depant the toddler when putting her down for her nap because, like you, we figure who wants to nap for 2+ hours in jeans? No one. I am TERRIFIED of this incident though - I once read a post about toddlers and poop smearing all over living room, not once, but twice. From a mom of quads. Qauds...poop...couch...smearing. Died laughing, but also made notes of how to duct tape a diaper. You know, for the future.

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  17. Oh. Oh dear. I thought it was bad the other day when E reached under her butt while I was changing her and placed her hand SMACK in the middle of her crap and then pulled the diaper out from under her leaving poop, well, everywhere. But no .. this is worse.

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  18. Thank God we haven't had a diaper situation yet. I kind of dread that moment.

    I can't believe C weighs 38 pounds!!! Your biceps must be amazing;)

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  19. Oh. My. God. I though smith pooping in the tracks of the sliding door was bad!

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  20. OMG. We've had a couple poop in the bath episodes, but I think I can safely say we are past the pooping outside of the toilet phase.

    Just another day is right :)

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  21. That sounds exactly like our day on Thursday!!! Hahahahahahahaha except our dog ATE said poop.

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  22. My jaw dropped open reading this post. C sure knows how to give his mama a heart attack! I'm sure no one will ever be any the wiser about your dining room chair :)

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  23. Rewind.....size 9 SHOE??!?!?! And 38 lbs?!?!? What do you feed that kid?! Holy Moly he's healthy!!!! And, I know that we are probably close to a poop disaster too. Chloe knows how to remove her diaper, and she's often running around in just that. SO, I know it's only a matter of time. LOL!!

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  24. Guess what my mother's day/graduation day present from Connor was? No nap.. instead he smeared poop on the crib, sheet, pillow, hands, eyes, etc.

    I was livid.

    He has reached into his diaper a few more times since then. I read on the Internet (Bible?!?) that when they do it, put them in a cold shower as punishment. I have sat Connor in there twice and turned it on his legs.

    I don't need to describe the screams that came from him. Just imagine them.

    Since? He will now come tell me when he poops. Victory!

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  25. reusable pads and 30 minutes of steam is AWESOME. The shark lasts for all of like 5...

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  26. I never thought I'd be greatful our poop on the floor incident only involved the dog bed. At least one day you'll look back at it and laugh! Right??

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  27. BAHAHAHA! Love it! Toddlers are SO!MUCH!FUN!

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  28. I have no idea how on Earth I'll handle a poop situation like this. Just hearing yours makes me want to run for the hills!

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