Wednesday, November 16, 2011

SAHM's and Cleaning Ladies. A Rant.

I really wish I had the skills to save screen shots of people saying stupid, ignorant things. Because if I did, you would be able to read this and it would be awesome. But since, alas, I do not, I shall go on to explain to you what it says. After all, I only wasted part of Carter's nap time trying to PrntScrn, save, stretch and doodle. 




That, dear Loyals, is a shoddy screen shot of my Facebook wall. Yesterday, I put out a call for help. Something that I very rarely, if ever, do. So when I do? It's kind of a big deal. I'm not above help, I just like to think that I'm capable (and crazy enough) to do everything, all the time, by myself. And well, Loyals, that isn't the case. I know, welcome to reality, AP. 

You see, Loyals, I've been in the market for a cleaning lady. Just a little extra help around the house once (preferably twice, but we won't go there) per month so that when I do spend some time cleaning the house each day, I won't get ridiculously upset and angry six minutes later when Carter has absolutely destroyed it again. 

This cleaning lady? Believe me, she comes with a handful of sacrifices, as does pretty much everything these days. The money that I earn taking pictures? Well, it's pretty much going to finance some extra help around the M household. But you don't really need to hear that, much less care about it. 

So, there I am. Putting out the call for help on Facebook. Asking local friends and family if they have any experience with a wonderful cleaning service that they would love to pass along. Seems easy enough, right?

Immediately, a high school acquaintance writes, "you're home all day, do it then and save the money!" Followed by what I like to call a "judgey smiley."

OK. I get it. And we all know she's not the first one to assume that just because I'm home all day, I should have an immaculately clean house, immaculately groomed toddler and dinner on the table each night promptly at 5. Which, for the record, wouldn't even fly in our house considering The Husband doesn't get home until at least 7 each night. 

But, I brush it off and in response write, "If it was that easy, I wouldn't need a cleaning lady! Toddlers and trying to clean a house do not mix well together!" Meanwhile, friends and family are commenting left and right, sharing the names and numbers of their cleaning ladies. And their friend's cleaning ladies and their friend's friend's sister's cousin's cleaning service. And I'm so grateful. 

Until what I can only assume is ignorance prompting said offender to respond again. Wait, isn't this conversation over? Oh, no Loyals. No, it's not. 

She writes, "lol i have a 10 year old and a 7 year old and 2 dogs (1 very hairy), after working an 8 hour day and taking care of kids and dogs i still have to clean at the end of the day, haha."

Okay. First of all, I would like to address that adding "lol" or "haha" to whatever you're about to say, doesn't automatically make it funny or less sting-y. That's basically like starting your sentence off with, "I don't mean to be rude but.." Because we both damn well know, you're about to say something ridiculously rude. 

For those of you who don't really know me, I try and live my life both respectfully and gracefully. I save the snark and the sass for the blog as where I feel it's most appropriately suited for that. Not to mention that I just don't have the time to be all snarky and sassy in real life. It takes too much energy. 

I thought long and hard about responding to that high school acquaintance. Part of me wanted to just let it all go and forget she ever said anything. But then an even bigger part of me is just so sick and tired of people assuming that as a SAHM I have nothing but time on my hands. So I wrote back. And I talked all about how although I do not work outside of the home, I'm busy just about every second of every day. 

When I'm not playing with Carter, teaching him letters, numbers, manners, animals, raising him to be a polite, caring and compassionate little gentleman, learning with him, loving all over him and downright Mothering him, I'm writing. I'm editing. I'm responding to emails. I'm writing some more and editing some more. There's mom-dates and play groups and story time. 

There's laundry. Even if it's on it's fourth cycle in the dryer, it still needs tending to. And on the rare occasion that my child naps? I'll prep dinner or mop the floor. Sometimes I mop multiple times per day, depending how much of a mess he makes.

When he's awake and eating lunch in his high chair? I'll vacuum. Because for those 11 minutes? He's contained in one place, on hold from running around the house like the Crazy Toddler Wildebeest that he is.

We go to the park. Every day. We run around like crazy people. We swing on the swings. We pick flowers. 

I am busy. We are busy. Every day.

Newsflash, but I am not sitting around all day watching Real Housewives and eating ice cream. As a matter of fact, Carter doesn't even like the Housewives. 

So when I ask for a little bit of extra help? It's because I need it. It's not so that I can sit on my ass and watch TV or paint my nails. It's so that I can be a better mother to Carter and a better wife to The Husband. 

I know. Perhaps she was having a bad day. As I'm sure there are a myriad of outliers that could account for one feeling the need to respond in the fashion. 

But as a proud SAHM, it needed to be said. And by no means is what I do all day meant to discount the work of any other Mother. We all work. Mothering in itself is a job. Some of us continue to work outside of the home, some of us from inside of the home. I freelance write and I'm a children's and family photographer. I also spend an undisclosed number of ours per week blogging. That, Loyals, is a job in itself. One that I absolutely love doing.  

Please don't assume because I'm home all day that I have countless free hours at my disposal. If it were true? I'd fill those hours with manicures and pedicures and personal trainers. Oh heck, and maybe even an episode of Real Housewives or two.

Happy Wednesday, Loyals. Thanks so much to those of who who've reached out, emailed and Facebooked me, wondering where I've been and if I'm alright. I am. It's just another case of Life Getting The Best Of Me. I'm up to my eyeballs in editing incredible family sessions with little joys. and am so thankful that this little passion of mine has taken off like it has. So, so thankful. 

As always, thanks for reading! I'll be back soon! 




70 comments :

  1. As a matter of fact, I am 100% without a doubt jealous of your cleaning lady. So much so that I put one on my Christmas list, no joke! Go on with yo cleaning lady self!

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  2. I've learned that people always feel the need to say *something* even if it's rude and uncalled for. I'm not a mom yet but I have worked from home. Honestly? Working from home (in my opinion) is much harder than going to an office every day to work. And that's sans child! I respect what you and all other SAHM's do... so keep up the good work!

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  3. In the words of one of the kids from Full House (?) How Rude! What business is it of hers how you spend your money? You didn't ask for budgeting help, you asked for a service recommendation. I would have been tempted to snarkily reply, "Well, you know, I can only spend so much of our extra cash on designer clothes and weekly massages! I figured I'd help out the economy by paying somebody else to do something I could easily do myself." Or, you know, you could just post a link to your blog. Lol, Haha! ;)

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  4. Your title had me pulled in bc any time i see something about a SAHM, I need to read it and hope that it is someone else I can relate to! thanks for posting this- I hate that my working, childless friends see my daily life as a vacation, free to do whatever I want... quite the opposite with a toddler!! That idiot who wrote that on fb needs to back off.

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  5. Thank you for posting this!!!
    We have a cleaning lady once a month (and I would love to have her twice a month)..especially since having 2 boys and husband, who are all three extremely messy!!!

    I recently had a conversation w/ a friend of mine about cleaning ladies and I felt weird talking about thinking she would be all judgey...but then she said she has once every week (and then I was all jealous). She and her husband do work full time outside the house (plus she has a 3 year old and another on the way).

    what I wouldn't do for a twice a month cleaning lady and maybe a sitter, once a week for 1/2 the day so I can get some grocery shopping done alone.

    Trust me, the days where I could sit down and catch up on tv programming, I start thinking about dinner, getting clothes ready for the next day, meal planning, etc. No time to be lazy!!!

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  6. Can I borrow your cleaning lady when you are finished with her ... My husby and I have been having this argument for YEARS!!! and I am going to WIN eventually :) Props to you for getting some much needed help .. and HEY Carter deserves WAY more of your time than the sheepie fuzz behind the couch :)

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  7. You don't even have to explain yourself. In college, I cleaned houses... and I can't think of one type of person who doesn't need the help- SAHM or not. It's also amazing what you can do in someone elses house that you can't do in your own. :)

    Get that deep cleaning done, girl. You'll have more time for you!

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  8. Don't you love those self-righteous beeyotches who think they are super mom and judge you for getting help when you need it? I look at like the SAHM vs Working Mom debate. Working mom's seem to look down on SAHM's like "Oh, how can you not work?". At the end of the day it's all about your right to CHOOSE, not the judgies. If you want to spend the extra money you're earning on a cleaning lady, go for it. High school aquaintances can suck it!

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  9. Yes! It was TOTALLY a "judgey smiley"! So many people hide behind the LOL or the judgey smiley/judgey wink.

    And she? Is jealous, plain and simple. You work hard & it's ok to ask for/pay for help :) We ALL do it in one way or another.

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  10. People are rude. The first rude comment I got was actually from another SAHM a couple of months ago. She asked me if I was bored yet. HAHA! Bored?! Chasing a crazy toddler?! Not possible.

    I'm jealous of your future cleaning lady! I would love someone to make the constant dog hair disappear.

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  11. Cut.a.bitch. INFURIATING! I don't even have my own wee spawn but I do (occasionally) outsource cleaning duties so that I'm sure my baseboards are looking brand spankin' new. B/c I don't give a shizz about dusting blinds and wiping baseboards. Vacuuming, cleaning bathrooms? Sure thing. Other stuff? Notsomuch.

    There's no shame in asking for help. This America, i.e. a FREE COUNTRY, and you can spend your dollah-dollah-bills-y'all however you please.

    Amen.

    S$

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  12. I think It is great that you stuck up for yourself! I can also agree that people don't give SAHM's enough credit. Bon bons and reality tv doesn't make up our days! Have a great day!

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  13. THIS, is exactly why I hate Facebook. I went from 200+ friends down to 65 who are mostly family and close friends of mine and colleagues at work.

    On one hand, as a part time RN and part time SAHM, I manage just fine cleaning my home, BUT I don't live your life and don't know what it's like, so if you say you need help, or heck...even if you just wanted it? Who am I to judge? Do whatever ye please, mama!

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  15. Girl, in college I was a full time nanny for a stay-at-home mom. I worked 50 plus hours a week so she could lunch, gym, etc. Don't let judgey judgersons get to ya. I think nap time should be reserved for sitting on the couch and regrouping, not cleaning. That's just me,though. ; )

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  16. For the first 18 months of my second child's life, I had a cleaning lady come twice a month. I taught yoga part-time and I basically handed my paycheck over to her. It. Was. Awesome. I was less overwhelmed with two small children, the house was clean, and I was able to do what I love- spend time with them and teach yoga. To me, it is just like any other discretionary purchase. How would that gal like it if you started making disparaging remarks about her buying clothes or going out to eat or seeing a movie? I do not see the difference.

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  17. Oh girl, I saw that on FB the other day - the first comment. And I was MAD. Seriously? I think that we could all use a little help around the home. What is wrong with that? JD doesn't change the oil himself. I don't do my own toes or eyebrows. What the heck is the difference? We've paid people to paint, change light fixtures, etc. We CAN do these things but sometimes our time is better spent doing something else!

    I saw a sign on Pinterest one day that said "Cleaning with a toddler is like trying to shovel snow while it's STILL SNOWING".

    I tried to find it for you but pinterest was being wonky (shocker....)

    You rock on with your cleaning lady hun! I hope you find an awesome one!!! :) (and that is a NICE smiley!)

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  18. Way to stand up for yourself and the rest of us SAHM!

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  19. These morons need to back the fuck up and leave their comments to themselves. No one should judge you for wanting a little extra help. We just hired someone and it was the best damn decision I've made since the decision to pour that 2nd glass of wine last night. She's incredible. Raising babies is hard as balls. Keeping a household on top of mothering a beautiful baby boy is even harder. You g'on witcha bad self and do what you need to do sistah!

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  20. As someone at one point in my life that has worked full-time, raised a newborn, earned my master's, made dinner most nights and cleaned my house for at least a year of my life? It can be done. Was it fun? Hell to the N-O! However, everyone's priorities are different. I would rather spend an hour of my Saturday morning cleaning my own house (because I feel I can do it better than anyone else.. OCD say what?) and spend that money splurging elsewhere. Now, if you were complaining you are in debt to your eyeballs one day and the next asking about cleaning ladies? Then the judgies would come out! I totally read your entire feed and wanted to commend those that were actually helping you, rather than making those horrible comments. By the way.. today is Wednesday... your blog is missing something!!

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  21. I realllly love this post. I have 17 month old twins and when my husband even starts a sentence like, "Did you..." I immediately want to carve out his eyes!

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  22. This is where I'd de-friend said acquaintance!
    --jcristg

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  23. This is brilliant.

    Also, I hate the "haha" and "lol" at the end of snarky sentences (or just sentences in general). Very...uncreative.

    Get a cleaning lady. Life's too short.

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  24. First of all, you shouldn't feel like you should have to justify your decisions to anyone. There will always be those that judge, but they don't walk in your shoes and they don't know what fills each and every one of your days. If you can have a cleaning lady, then go on and get one. Good for you. You deserve it. We, as Moms, work our booties off no matter what we do because motherhood alone is a full time gig. Smile lady, people just suck sometimes!

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  25. her comment makes me so angry! good for her for working 8hours a day and cleaning. I know for one when I have kids I will get a cleaning person because I will not be spending my free time cleaning. I will be spending time with my kids and hubs. Do people think when they comment?!

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  26. Oh sweets- you have no idea how bad I wanted to bitch-slap that chick when I saw that comment! I kept saying "I hope Ash is taking deep breaths and letting this bitch roll off her back" because I got pissed for you! No one is in any position to judge! You are an amazing mother and phenomenal wife and if you're busting your ass and need a break- you deserve it (you are always busting your butt!) some people are just so incredibly jealous and they don't know how to filter their jealousy out! Grr! Love ya mama!

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  27. Yep. My bestie (hmph) pulled the same poop on me a few months ago. I was early pregnant and have a 2yo and 5yo - had been our running errands ALL day (like 6hrs straight) got home and said something on FB about being too tired to put away the groceries. Mmhmm.... Got plenty of gripe over that. Coz she does everything. Every day. With a 10 hr work day. Good for you. :oP

    And yah, I'm totally jealous. Because here I am now with a kid in morning kindergarten (she's a walker that's a mile from the school dang it!), a 2 1/2 yo, 20 weeks pregnant and exhausted out of my mind, and my husband's car died so I have to walk her to school each day! My house? My house looks like a bomb went off..... Never mind that I'm a WAHM....

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  28. Girl, it's jealousy. Don't let her hate.

    I have a cleaning lady I'd happily send your way if you were in Nashville. We both work and I just didn't want to spend my precious time cleaning toilets.

    Clean is a priority for me, but cleaning it myself just isn't. It's your choice, your money, your life, your precious moments with your little boy.

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  29. Oh my goodness, I would LOVE to see your response since I am having a very difficult time coming up with a nice response to acquaintances who assume that because I'm home I have all the time in the world and I shoudl be able to do it all!

    Sadly, my cleaning lady quit before I had my baby and we decided to help out the budget for awhile by not hiring another. You can read about it here: http://www.hautemommyblog.com/2011/07/sad-day-indeed.html

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  30. I'll admit, I laughed through most of this post. Is that bad? I am one of those people who think SAHM mom's have all the time in the world, but I have now learned that is not true. As a single person with a dog I still find it hard to keep my house clean, but that's because I'm lazy!! Stay sane silly lady and don't forget, a little crazy is OK.

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  31. Anything you can do to make life less stressful, or to make you a better mom and wife, go for it!!

    When I saw this title, I was hoping it wasn't the opposite approach (as in, SAHM should clean their own dang houses). I was about to get fired up!! :)

    Stacy @
    http://cardigansandcrayons.blogspot.com/

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  32. What's that saying? If you can't say something nice don't comment on someones facebook status??? HA!
    It's like she needed to comment or belittle you to make herself feel better. I would love to have a cleaning lady and I don't see it as being wasteful. The weekly cost of a cleaning person probably equals 2 dinners at a restaurant a week. It's all about choices! Spend your $$$ on what you want!!!

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  33. Wow-I read this and couldn't agree more WITH YOU! My husband and I have just hired a cleaning lady to come twice a month because we know that once our daughter is born any day I wont have time or energy to make sure that the house is spic and span! Thank you for writing what so many of us think!

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  34. WHY are people extra obnoxious on Facebook?? So annoying! I hardly ever write anything on facebook anymore because I just know that I'll receive dumb comments. No thanks!!

    And really... even if you were at home all day sitting around and watching tv- why the hell shouldn't you still be able to have a cleaning lady if you want? It is your house and your money and who the hell cares what other people have to say about it. Gahhhhh people amaze me.

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  35. First, let me second your comment on not being "crazy enough" to try to take all of that on - I think that in itself is proof you are a great mom! You want to enjoy your life, your family, your baby and not be a stressed out crazy lady - all of the time ;)
    Why do people even care... its not like you were asking for advice on whether or not to get a cleaning service. I think jealousy makes people act very strangely!
    And come on C... Real Housewives is a fantastic show - you should give it a chance! ;)
    Lastly, I think you should start calling yourself a work-all-day-at-home-mom, because really... isn't that what a "stay at home mom" does... work... all day

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  36. Ugh, what a meanie jeanie! hire that housekeeper, they just sound jealous. [and high-horsey...]

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  37. I completely agree with you. Some people don't realize that just because you get a cleaning lady doesn't mean you're arrogant and are above cleaning yourself. Maybe it's because you NEED it? Granted, some people just live with messier houses, don't mop every day, and don't run their own business. Some can't afford it and learn to work cleaning into their daily schedule and just live with the fact that it can't all be done all the time. But at the same time, I'm tired of hearing about SAHMs and their busy lives. Working moms have busy lives and neither is better than the other. (Not an attack on you, AP, but SO MANY PEOPLE think that "SAHMs don't get enough credit" blah blah blah, but then again, neither do full time working moms. I wish people would stop comparing the two. They're too different. All that to say, if you need your cleaning lady, go for it. If someone else has a problem with hiring a cleaning lady? Then they certainly shouldn't hire one! Is it really going to impact that other person SO much that they have to leave rude comments? Who cares?!

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  38. that "friend" of yours can s*ck a big one. i saw that post on FB and was going to comment, but refrained. I have 3 cleaning ladies and they arrive promptly at 7:30 AM every Tuesday morning. Yes, EVERY tuesday! Am I spoiled? Maybe? Is is a necessity?? Very much so. If we lived anywhere near one another I would totally send her your way. She is amazing and affordable! :\ sorry lady, hope you find one soon though!

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  39. I gotta laugh at the "judgey smiley" terminology you just came up with. I think I am going to use that.

    Anyway, you didn't open the discussion for everyone to tell you to clean the house yourself. You just asked for a cleaning recommendation. I think people have too much nerve these days. I probably just would have said something at the end of the thread like "Seeing as I didn't open the floor for you to tell me to clean my house, do you have a recommendation for a housekeeping service? I still need to know." LOL but maybe I'm just a hormonal preggo wench like that.

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  40. Ugh dumb people. I had high hopes of being the perfect wife and mother when I became a sahm and those dreams went out the window about a week in when I was exhausted and my house was a disaster zone. It is craziness! I hope you get your cleaning lady and she can take some stress and annoyance out of your life!!

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  41. Let me at her! How freaking rude! I spend 99% of my day tending to the two toddlers running through my house - and that leaves nap time and bed time to get ANYTHING done at all around here. So could I use some help keeping the place clean? Hell yes!

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  42. Oh the nerve. Love what you call judgy smiley! Hehe. I have several friends that I would like to punch for using "lol" of "haha" to make the rude comments they say sound better. Doesn't work! I hate using the chemicals around the kids even if it were easy to clean. I actually love cleaning, but it just isn't practical or safe at this point in my life!

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  43. You know when I got a cleaning lady? 6 1/2 years ago after my 1st call to poison control because I had my son in the bjorn and was windexing the island and thought I sprayed him and was CONVINCED i had poisoned him. Best decision ever.

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  44. Good for you for responding to her! I'm a SAHM with two little boys and have thought more than once about having a cleaning lady come twice a month. There is zero shame in that.
    A friend once said to me...I do everything you do PLUS work a full time job outside the home.
    Not possible. If you work a full time job outside the home then you couldn't possibly do everything else too. And that's totally ok. That's her choice, this is mine. And neither is better than the other. I wish Moms would quit being so hard on each other.

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  45. Wait - Carter doesn't like the Housewives?!?

    But seriously, the Facebook "judgey smiley" is the worst, tied with the people who think we SAHMs sit around getting manicures all day. The worst. I'm sorry.

    I will go on record here as saying I have a twice-monthly housekeeper. It is awesome, and I am very grateful for the help. It's a true sanity & marriage saver, and I make no apologies for it - you shouldn't have to either...

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  46. I read that feed and was SO glad you said something.

    So here's my side; I've done both, the working Mom thing and the SAHM thing. I will say, neither one is easy. At all. My house was cleaner when I stayed home but not by much. I cleaned in a rush when she napped. Now? It gets done during my lunch break. Which sucks. The point of my rambling, I give up time for something else to clean and I HATE it. If you can find someone to come do it for you so that you can use that time for other things, then do it.

    I hate when people assume to know what the hell you do with your time.

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  47. ok so I had to laugh SO HARD AT THIS! Because I know EXACTLY what you mean!! "You are home all day, clean it yourself" OH NO SHE DI'INT!!

    It is hard to keep the house clean with kids at home. We had a cleaning lady who came twice a month and deep cleaned everything and it was the BEST thing to ever happen to me.

    ok seriously that comment cracked me up, because those people I just want to punch in the mouth.

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  48. Um, yes, thanks. I feel the same way. Before I had kids, I had illusions of keeping the house spotless and all that junk. But then I found out that staying at home all day means we MESS UP THE HOUSE ALL DAY. I thought I was the only one for a while. But I'm glad I'm not. Not because it means life is difficult for other people too, but because it means I'm not a complete loser if I can't clean the ceiling fans or mop the floor on a regular basis. So you go ahead with your cleaning lady. And enjoy every single second of it!

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  49. I swear people think SAHM's sitting around watching tv all day! Cleaning is so difficult with toddlers!

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  50. OH! Some people! I, for one, think SAHM is the hardest job ever. The 3 days I was home with E, I had a mess every time I turned around...and he was SICK! Ha! I think all moms, whether they work in or outside the home, or both, are underestimated. I mean, heck, we do it ALL! So...if you have the ability to get a cleaning lady, I say more power to you sister! Go for it! And spend that extra time with your hubby or son or building that awesome photography business {or even sneak in that pedi if the spreadsheet allows}!!!!

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  51. Good for you getting the cleaning lady! When I am home on the weekends with Tommy, it is NON-STOP with him, I'm trying to get laundry done, trying to do some spot cleaning here and there so my cleaning lady does not think we are total pigs in between her visits (she comes every other week). Yes, I work, but so do you. Your office happens to be inside your home. I hope you defriended the girl. I know that sounds childish, but she was wrong to make that comment. No one knows what other people have going on in their lives. We got our cleaning lady when I was so sick during my pregnancy, and thought we'd stop using her after a few months when Tommy was born, but I must have been a crazy person thinking I could do the cleaning, work, and spend some QT with my son and husband. Yes, I still have to clean stuff, do laundry, cook, but I am a much better mom because I'm not stressing about the filth I can't keep up with. You are already a great mom, but I think you'll find you are even better making this sacrifice with your budget.

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  52. Ashley, try not to let it get to you... its tough when you put yourself out there and make a simple request! As a SAHM (and former working mom), I find it difficult to keep my house clean and it drives me crazy! You don't need to justify to anyone why you want to hire a professional to do anything in your house. If it makes your life easier and you can afford it, go for it and make no apologies for it. Suggestion: unfriend this acquaintance and move on.

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  53. Ah facebook! Never a dull moment! What happened to the secret post?!

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  54. Confession time (just because someone had to say it): at one point in my life, I was your rude friend. I didn't understand how people could complain about being busy, and then say that their "busy-ness" contained things like going to the park or having playgroup with kids and other moms. In my mind those things were strictly "fun" and I would've loved to be able to do them all day.

    So, like your friend, and meaning well, I stuck my foot in my mouth. I was honestly a bit worried about her and didn't know how else to ask if things were going okay without trying to sound light-hearted about it. I, like your friend, came off sounding more than a little bitchy (which, unfortunately, I didn't realized until I woke up the next day). And you know what? It put us through a rough patch, yes, but it also started some great conversations.

    The thing is, cleaning lady or no, those of us who are at work all day spend the ENTIRE day feeling guilty and wishing they had the time to do the very things so many SAHMs do (and oftentimes complain about). Sometimes it's hard to keep that jealousy in check, and I think the truth is just this: raising kids is hard, and keeping a house clean is HARD work for anyone, especially with little ones around. There are so many pressures we women put on ourselves these days - raise the perfect kids, work the perfect job, cook the perfect food, make the perfect crafts, have some perfect friends. Keeping the perfect house on top of it all is enough to send anyone's sanity tumbling.

    For those of you who are hating on me for this, please know this: my friend is still my friend, and I have since hired my own cleaning lady. And keep up the AWESOME job at all you do, Ashley! ;o)

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  55. Another strike against FB...I do hope you de-friended this judgy-smiley wielding woman. With "older" kids maybe she has forgotten how crazy life with a toddler is. But I'm probably being too nice there.

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  56. I tweeted you, but I had to comment too.

    First of all..dont EVER let anyone make you feel guilty about the choices you make for your family. My grandmother always said, "a cleaning lady is necessary for a SAHM to find some sanity and be better at HER job." I fully agree with that.

    As for the high school "chum"? Jealous you can stay at home. Jealous you can hire a cleaning lady. Jealous you are happy. Don't let her get you down. (and you should probably de-friend such a negative person!) xxoo
    pearlstopampers.tumblr.com

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  57. i had to post here when i saw a link back to your blog. we just hired our first cleaning lady after my husband i both received raises this summer. she comes once every other week. i said for a while that we needed one. i work full time, my husband works more than full time and we barely get to see each other and spend time with our son. i do work from home 2 days a week- and sometimes it is harder... but i was at least running the dishwasher and doing laundry those two days. i wasnt home to work and mop floors for christ sake! i feel guilty no matter what situation i am in though.

    he has off during the week and i have off on the weekends. the last thing i wanted to do was spend my saturday morning cleaning toilets. if i couldnt spend time with DH, i wanted to at least spend my day with my son! we went back and forth about it for a while. i finally told him i was sick of talking about cleaning- we are hardly home anyways- and that the $160 we spend a month could be spent on a cleaning person or for marriage counseling! ha! it was one of the best decisions we have made :) good luck finding someone.

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  58. I would have asked the high school friend to come clean my house then!! Haha! I want a cleaning lady so bad. I work out of the home and we have 3 kids. BUT even if I didn't work out of the home, I'd still need a cleaning lady. Kids are messy!!

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  59. People really need to learn when to keep things to themselves, seriously. Sheesh. & For what it matters, I am a SAHM and I am totally jealous of your cleaning lady!

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  60. OMGosh!!! I would have been livid. I always find it amazing how people give their 'opinion' where is was never asked for. Insert: tape roll & their mouth ;). So I'm not 'proud' but I'm NOT a Mom (yet...hopefully someday :) and have a cleaning lady. AND she comes twice a month... AND Hubs and I are DINKS. Tell her to 'take that'. Keep up the great work of focus on C and sassin' on the net... lot's of people love it!! It's all about sanity and life's too short!!

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  61. Hmm.. If we could go back in time, I might have suggested you reply with something along the lines of-

    "Well, C's nanny doesn't have time to clean and I am so busy polishing my diamond shoes and counting my hundreds, I just can't fit cleaning in! We are going to start mansion and Bentley shopping next week so, really, I can't even imagine a time where I'd even be able to think about cleaning. You know what I mean, right?"

    And, btw, I am also in the market for a good cleaning lady!

    LOVEYOUMAMA!

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  62. You should have written her back and been like, "Oh, well, hats off to you Mom of the Year. I can only aspire to be as great as you one day. But in the mean time, can you give me any cleaning service references?"

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  63. Ugh, I can't stand self righteous people. You asked for a cleaning reference not someone else's sob story.

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  64. I have a cleaning lady that comes twice a month and was so embarrassed/ashamed about it for a long time. Then I read this article on FB:http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/05/22/AR2007052201554.html
    and was like, "eff it." I'm busy. I have a part time job (as much as working 1 day a week is "part time" but I digress...) and I spend every second keeping Rowan alive/happy/fed/engaged. It's also damn hard to keep on top of picking up/putting away/doing laundry for three people and if I want a cleaning lady - I'm gonna have a cleaning lady!

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  65. Boo to the judgies! People hire cleaning people for all kinds of reasons so why should she really care. I have one of those people that likes to rain on my parade. Recently I shared about a place we were headed to and they said oh it will be you and like 300,000 other people. I calmly replied, yes, but we've done this before and we were just fine thanks! I hope you find a good cleaning person!

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  66. There are 64 other comments already supporting you... but I am throwing in my support anyway because this is one of my biggest pet peeves. I am usually terrified of telling people that I have a housekeeper two times per month because of all the judgment that comes with it. But the truth is that it shouldn't matter if you are a SAHM or a full-time working mom with no kids. We ALL have the right to choose how we want to spend our money- whether we are dripping in it or counting our pennies. I see lots of people with "no money" eating out for lunch every day and finding a way to go out on the weekends. My husband and I have made the choice to skip some of the fun stuff to make our household cleaning just a bit easier. This allows us more time to focus on the yard, home improvement AND OUR KIDS. I am sorry that you (and I) feel like we have to defend ourselves to people for the choices we make. You never have to justify your choices to me.

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  67. What a bitch! Those types of comments, I never understand because she accomplishes nothing with saying that, except pissing you off! Who wanst to go around picking fights? Sad people. , better yet, WHY would she care how you clean your house!

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  68. also, let's just talk about how I am contemplating paying my unemployed desperate for $$ sister to deep clean my kitchen...

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  69. I LOVE your posts! I recently gave up working to stay at home. My husband accepted a new job in another state and we decided to move which meant I had to give up my career so I decided to stay at home since I was pregnant with our second as well. The first thing I told my husband that I had to have was a cleaning lady! Stay home or now, they make all the difference! Dont let people make you feel guilty. YOu didnt even have to explain yourself. Sounds like someone is just jealous. Who says something like that to someone?

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  70. Clearly I am late to the party on this one, but I guarantee she was jealous of you in high school and she is jealous of you now. On the random day that I do work from home or take a day off, I find a million and one things to do all day and would much rather be taking care of our home than at work all day on a regular basis. So.Jealous.

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As always, thanks so much for reading ILYMTC. If you have any questions about a post or want to get in touch with me (or any of the cast of characters here at ILYMTC) email me at iloveyoumorethancarrots(at)gmail(dot)com.

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