Wednesday, February 26, 2014

My One Fear Before Number Three.

Over the weekend, I sat down to a small celebratory brunch with my mother-in-law and two sisters-in-law in honor of baby number three. It was a sweet gathering and a great opportunity for me to sit back and reflect on the time I have left before this baby arrives. 

As I sat down to brunch with these women, three women who are in such different seasons of life, it was great to check in and catch up with them, something we don't do nearly enough, if not ever. It was nice to just stop and sit for a while. As a mom, many of us can relate to the constant "go go go" nature of motherhood, so I can't say enough about how much fun it was to just press "pause" on all that other stuff and be fully present without having to mother.

Have I mentioned that brunch buffets may as well be heaven on earth for an indecisive pregnant woman like myself? I don't know what it is about meals but whenever meal time rolls around, I have the hardest time deciding on what I want to eat.   

The solution? Buffets. Within minutes I had filled my plate with a crab omelet, thick slices of French toast, breakfast potatoes, a spoonful of scrambled eggs for good measure and despite my strict "no food shall ever touch rule," I somehow made space for a healthy spoonful of apple crisp and a cinnamon roll with cream cheese frosting. It was divine.

We began chatting, as women will do, and very quickly my mother-in-law asked me, what, if any, was my one fear about having my third baby. It didn't take me long to think about- as it's been something that's been on my mind for a while now. 

When I was pregnant with Maclane, I wrote very candidly about my sole fear in the weeks before his birth. That we were robbing Carter of his time as an only child. I wondered had we spoiled him enough? Told him we loved him enough? Done enough with him as an only child?Of course the answer was always "yes" and his transition to Big Brother couldn't have been more seamless. I look back on that post now and giggle. 

That's my hope with this post. That writing this out will merely serve as one of those many times I was simply overly anxious about something I knew would be fine and good and right in the end. 

This fear, though, is a little bit different. When I was pregnant with Maclane, I never once worried about how Carter would take to his little brother. From the moment his tiny personality began to take shape, he was a kind, sensitive and sweet boy. At three and a half he is still very much each of those things with the largest, kindest heart. 

Maclane is sweet, too. There's no doubt about that. Sensitive? Well, not particularly and he can be kind on a good day. In fact, the words "rough and tumble" and "bruiser" most often come to the forefront of my mind when asked about Maclane's personality. 

That said, as much as Carter is a "mama's boy" through and through, Maclane takes that title to a whole other level and when I hear stories about siblings wanting their parents to immediately return their newest addition, I can't help but feel as though this will be Maclane. 

He will be the one who pinches the baby on the sly and runs away. Who tries to hide him beneath blankets and pretend as if he's really not there. Part of me wants to blame our extended nursing relationship for this attachment and well, that's a whole post for another day. Let's just say that Maclane does not share well. 

My mother-in-law was a bit surprised at this admission. She assumed I would be worrying about how I'd handle three little ones under the age of 5, but what she doesn't understand is that I thrive on chaos. It's in the midst of the Crazy that I have the best handle on what is going on around me. If I had to guess, this is why I've been blessed with three little boys. Somebody knew I could handle it, even on the days when I'm locked in the bathroom shoveling Double-Stuf Oreos into my face like they're going out of style. 

Instead, I'm worried about how our youngest will take to the new baby. How he will handle the shift in attention. If I'm being honest, I worry a little bit about how I'll handle the shift in attention. 

I've already thought of countless ways to make him feel special and included as we creep closer to baby number three's arrival, after all, it's those same ways I used on Carter when Maclane was born. 

Maybe it's just been too long and I've forgotten how those first few weeks went. Maybe I'm worrying over nothing. After all, when I look back at these pictures, they help ease the worry in my heart. 

Maybe we'll all be okay after all. 

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  1. My middle guy is a rough and tumble mama's boy too. We used to call him Koala Boy since he was always on my hip. I was nervous that he would have a hard time sharing me once his baby brother was born. Aside from about a week of adjustment either from the baby or just being three, he has no problems with his brother. He has taken the mantel of big brother very seriously and is fiercely protective of his "baby friend." My oldest loves showing off his baby brother and is proud to be the biggest. I hope your experience with 3 boys will be as awesome as mine has.

  2. I have a strict no food touching rule too.
    And my second is super super attached to me too. He's only 3 mo but I know this would be my "issue" with him too. Oh boys.

  3. I have a strict no food touching rule too.
    And my second is super super attached to me too. He's only 3 mo but I know this would be my "issue" with him too. Oh boys.

  4. I completely understand this fear. My middle Brigham is a mama's boy too. The difference is he is quite a bit older than Maclane will be. We have definitely had some behavioral issues since baby #3 arrived but I decided that I just need to be more diligent about having mommy/son dates with my older boys. They really DO need that one-on-one time with me. I took Brigs out last night and he was so excited to have me all to himself. I think I answered 500 questions while we were out :)

  5. I totally worry about this same thing because although Hayden can be very sweet he is BOY through and through. Wild and crazy and as many like to call him "busy." :) I'm sure, like you said, it'll all be worry for nothing but I can't help it for now!

  6. I'm not pregnant, but I've definitely given this some thought with my little one. While she's as girly as they come, she's also very attached to Momma and I don't think she'd like the idea of sharing.

  7. Aw I can't wait to hear how amazing (and chaotic) life with 3 will be. And I just know you'll be honest :)

    besides, hiding a baby behind a blanket although a tiny bit dangerous will make for great blogging stories that I can't wait to read :)

  8. Ha. Your fears with your youngest are my same fears. My girl is ATTACHED to me. She shares NOTHING with anyone and heaven forbid I hold a doll much less a real live baby. I am terrified she is going to hate me, or worse hate her sibling. I blame the extended nursing at this time too. B.C as I literally sit her counting contractions wondering if I should head towards the hospital - she just finished requesting to nurse. She loves it, and there is no end in sight. Please sweet baby Jesus help me!

  9. Ah, being the middle child is quite something, isn't it? I would have no idea since I'm the oldest. My husband is one of three boys and it's amazing how they all are together, even while living in different cities and states. I always envied how awesome their relationships are. I think those three boys will be just fine!!! If anything, I bet Maclane and Collins will gang up on Carter. Haha. At least that's what my two younger siblings did to me.

  10. I bet those sweet boys will all be the best of friends! <3

  11. I think Maclane and Caroline must be soul mates. How you described him is exactly how I have described Caroline. This is such a fear of mine as well. I know they will adjust. I know we will adjust. It's just another period of time where one day we will look back and laugh at our worries. Until then, hang in there momma and know you have a lot of other mommas supporting you!

  12. I had this same fear. My third boy arrived six months ago to date. My oldest is kind and slow to anger, very understanding and caring. My middle though very loving as well is a mamas boy. I was also unsure how hed react losing all that time with me bfing and taking care of babys needs all the time. I just made sure to put the baby down when I could. And be certain to keep my promises. Id ask him for help doing things to for the new baby and he was content with that because it was with me. Hes a very rough and tumble "bruiser" but very bright and learned quickly exactly what we can and cannot do with or near babies. And six months after our third boys arrival hes just started to hug and love on him especially these last few weeks. So in short even if it doesn't happen right away, undoubtably they are brothers and they will sooner or later create a wonderful and beautiful bonde. It may be days or weeks or months but the love is there and it will grow. :) fellow mom of three boys

  13. The stress and expectations we put on ourselves... I too am expecting baby #3 in a few short months nd have had many sleepless nights worrying.... To be honest I'm looking forward to hearing your accounts of life after baby. Perhaps it's because we hold ourselves to such high standards ... But amidst my latest hormone induced breakdown, my husband ever so wisely said ... "What are your plans for tomorrow, because those two girls aren't worried about months in the future, or even weeks, all they care about is today, so focus on them today, and take each moment as it comes..." How true? I'm so worried about something that may never happen, and if it does, like everything else with motherhood, I suppose I'll just have to deal with it... Easier said than done.

    Here we're some of my thoughts on baby 3 today (interesting connection in our blog titles):


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