Monday, February 17, 2014

Mortifying Mom Moment, Top 3 For Sure.

There isn't much about Motherhood that surprises me any more. Having birthed two babies in two years and currently raising both a toddler and a pre-schooler all the while expecting our third, I can honestly say that it takes a lot to surprise or embarrass me and even more to ruffle my feathers. 

That being said, I'd like to share the story of, perhaps, one of my top 3 most mortifying Mom Moments yet and I really have no one but myself to blame. 

As a mom, you construct certain "life-hacks" to allow you time to get things done in a day. One of my most important life-hacks is keeping my boys busy while allowing myself fifteen minutes to take a shower each day. When they were babies, it was easy. Drag the bouncy seat and all accouterments into the bathroom and maybe hand the baby a red Solo cup. This would not only buy me enough time to shower but also blow dry my hair some days. What is it about those damn cups? As they grew older, however, it became a bit trickier and a bit more difficult to keep their attention. 

I had to get creative.

Currently, I've taken to setting my 20 month up in the Pack and Play with a few books and his LeapPad while my 3.5 year old gets the special treat of laying in our bed with a movie on either my phone or the iPad. Since they both don't get much screen time during the day, (unless it's the middle of February and you're going on your eighty-seventh snow day with no end of winter in sight and you've all memorized the theme song to WallyKazam in not one but two languages. But I digress...) they really look forward to this time and it guarantees me an entire shampoo and conditioning regimen that doesn't leave me sliding open the door every thirty-six seconds to make sure someone hasn't scaled the dresser or snuck off to the kitchen to play with knives.

It's late Tuesday evening and I'm in the shower while the toddler is nearby in the Pack and Play and the pre-schooler is atop my bed with a movie in hand. For whatever reason, 5pm was the first time all day that I could grab a quick shower before my husband walked through the door.

Everyone was self-entertaining. It was almost too good to be true. 

Five minutes in and I could hear my son talking to someone on the phone. My heart literally skipped a beat until I heard him say, "okay, Daddy," with my husband's voice, on speakerphone, echoing on the other end. 

Whew. Crisis averted. But was it?

I strain a little bit harder to hear their conversation over the water. It's nearing 6pm so I can only imagine that my husband phoned to tell us he's on his way home from work. 

I close my eyes and lean back into the water, rinsing the shampoo from my hair. 

And that's when it happened. It was all so fast. 

Before I could even open my eyes, I felt the all-too-familiar cold rush of air that comes with sliding open the shower door.

"Mom, MOM! Daddy wants to talk to you!"

Before my mind could even register what was occurring, my son had his tiny arm thrust into the shower, phone in hand. As I squinted through the soapy water, I swore I could see my husband's face taking up the large screen...

Which could only mean one thing. 

MY HUSBAND WAS FACETIMING US and he was now blessed with a full frontal view of his eight months pregnant wife in all her naked shower glory. 

And we're not talking from the most flattering angle here, folks. 

Now, I can almost guess what  you're thinking. It's most likely one of two things: 

1. Well, AP, that's what you get for leaving your 3.5 year old unattended with your cell phone all for the sake of looking mildly presentable when your husband gets home from work


2. Come on, it's not like it's nothing he hasn't seen before. 

And you're right. On both accounts. It was risky, giving my son the phone for fifteen minutes like I had so many times before but in my defense, he was always content sitting quietly while streaming a movie. For what it's worth, that's perhaps the second time in all of eternity that my husband has ever Facetime'd us so I never anticipated that kind of interruption taking place. 

As for the full frontal in the shower? Let's be real here- that was more National Geographic than anything else. There was no flattering angle involved, no perfectly draped piece of clothing and/or sultry eyes taking place. 

Just a soaking wet, very large, pregnant AP.


Within seconds the three of us were laughing hysterically as I quickly turned and grabbed a towel, turning the water off as I did. I spent the rest of the evening thanking the technological gods that my son hadn't Facetime'd one of the other usual suspects whose Facetime numbers were logged into my phone, my parents and my brother-in-law, and that my husband, who was in his office at the time, was alone. 

It could have been so. much. worse. 

I'd like to file this one under: Reason #47 "Why You Shouldn't Leave Your Pre-Schooler Alone With Your Cell Phone." 

Follow on Bloglovin


  1. Holy hell. I would have died. It's not like my Husband would care... but still. lol. And I also use those same tactics when trying to get my shower throughout the day -- now I'm very tempted to find other ways to entertain. lol

    1. I seriously wanted to simultaneously laugh AND cry. Mortified. I don't even know how else to describe it. I just have to thank god he wasn't with anyone else in his office at the time either! Kids these days.. I swear. Technology is a double-edged sword!!

  2. OH! If this one is top three, I can't wait to hear the others! Sometimes I think God gives us kids to keep us humble. Bless their little hearts.

    1. This one may be on par with the time, in the weeks following the birth of my first, that I answered the door (the FedEx man) with no pants on. I was so accustomed to wearing just boy short underwear and a nursing tank top (in the heat of early August) and was in such a newborn daze/funk- that I hadn't even thought twice about answering the door like that. I can't even remember if my boob was fully tucked in or not. You're absolutely right- Can't help but laugh now!!

    2. LOL I totally went outside in the front yard with my entire right boob hanging out of a nursing tank! I swear, THEY LOSE FEELING.

  3. This has pretty much happened to me. 3 weeks after giving birth, my husband took our oldest daughter on an adventure. I had just stepped out of the shower and had my hair up in a towel. I guess it's my own fault for unlocking the backdoor topless, but I knew it was my family... they both walked in carrying my mother's day present, while singing "Happy Mother's Day" to me. The gift? A Flip video camera, which caught me un-locking the door for them in all of my glory. Let's just say the video is priceless and I've never been so embarrassed in my life!!

  4. In your defense, neither of those were my first thought, but rather-thank God it wasn't someone else and though I would have been mortified, my husband would have loved it-national geographic angle and all. Men are weird-it doesn't take much to turn them on! At least Carter didnt complete the disaster by soaking your phone!

  5. HILARIOUS! and oh so mortifying! This would so happen to me. I know it's ridiculous but I hate my husband seeing me in the shower. He sometimes peeks in when I'm getting ready in the morning to say goodbye - and I'm always afraid I'm going to have a loofah in embarrassing places or be butt up or something. LOL

  6. Ha! This is great. And you are so right, it could have been a lot worse, good thing it was just your husband. That would make for akward holiday time with the family.

  7. :)
    you make me so excited for C to grow up! he's going to be such a stinker i can hardly wait. but i can. haha!

  8. HA!!! Oh my word!

    This is exactly why Kindle Free Time is my FAVORITE invention in the whole wide world ;)

  9. Hahaha! Oh my God! At least it was just your husband! That would have been SO much worse if it was someone else!

  10. Thank you for the laugh of the century ;) I could have been SO much worse! ;)

  11. hilarious! i read it aloud to my husband. we were both rolling. :)

  12. Lol! And - thank God your phone survived! No bowl of rice needed!

  13. LOL can you IMAGINE if it had been anyone else?! That is TERRIFYING!

  14. I'm seriously laughing out loud over here! although I'm sure when I'm in your position I might not be laughing as much. But still, I'm picturing it and it's just too funny.

  15. Hahaha. I totally get why you freaked! I use have died! But I suppose another thing to be happy about is that your iPhone didn't get soaked. Lol

  16. Oh my goodness! eeek! Thank goodness for the dvr - not giving the toddler the phone/ipad to occupy them any more.


Thank you for reading ILYMTC. If you have any questions about a post or want to get in touch with me (or any of the cast of characters here at ILYMTC) email me at iloveyoumorethancarrots(at)gmail(dot)com.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...