I came to this sickening realization yesterday, while I was literally inhaling my breakfast while seated on the couch watching Curious George for the 4,786th time. All while turning back to the kitchen to make sure that Houdini hadn't yet Houdini'd himself out his high chair.
By the way, in case there was ever any doubt, you know you're a Mom when 37% of your DVR space is taken up by Curious George episodes.
I know, shameless really. Like I was saying, yesterday, as I was literally breathing in my breakfast (I'm actually not quite certain that I even chewed it) I got to thinking about the last time I actually ate a meal, seated at the dining room table, during The Toddler's waking hours. And to be honest? I'm not sure that's ever happened.
By the time I've made Carter his breakfast, gotten him situated in his high chair, finished throwing together my own and am finally really to pour a cup of coffee and sit my tush on the couch to enjoy the fruits of my labor, a chorus of "awwwwwl DUN, Mo!" awwwwwl DUN, Mo!" is literally ringing in my ears.
All the while, The Toddler is starting to shimmy out of his high chair harness. You know, the five point one that is supposedly Toddler-proof? Ha. I laugh at the phrase "toddler-proof." Whoever coined it clearly does not know my child.
So, what's a Mom to do? Eat while standing of course. Selfishly sneak into the bathroom with a bowl of yogurt and granola. Perhaps even grab that bag of apple crisps and take to the car for a little "field trip" around the block- just so she doesn't have to share with The Toddler.
Now, Loyals. Don't fret. The Toddler is an eating machine. There is rarely a minute when the child is starving let alone a second when he isn't eating. Forget saving for college, I always say to The Husband. We might as well start saving for his pubescent hunger years.
You think I'm kidding? For breakfast this morning, Carter ate the following:
3 cheesy scrambled eggs
2 pieces of raisin bread french toast with the crust cut off, smeared with jelly
1 ENTIRE orange
And? four heaping spoonfuls of my yogurt with granola.
And that's just breakfast.
I hate sharing, Loyals. Especially when it comes to food. So can you blame me for hiding in the bathroom with that bag of Cheetos? Please tell me I'm not alone..