Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Can You Guess What I Do...

...Standing up? 


...In the kitchen?


...On the couch? 


...In the car?


...Faster than I should?


...And sometimes even in the bathroom?


C'mon, guess! 

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Give up? 

Okay, fine. The answer is... 
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I EAT! 


I came to this sickening realization yesterday, while I was literally inhaling my breakfast while seated on the couch watching Curious George for the 4,786th time. All while turning back to the kitchen to make sure that Houdini hadn't yet Houdini'd himself out his high chair. 

By the way, in case there was ever any doubt, you know you're a Mom when 37% of your DVR space is taken up by Curious George episodes. 

I know, shameless really. Like I was saying, yesterday, as I was literally breathing in my breakfast (I'm actually not quite certain that I even chewed it) I got to thinking about the last time I actually ate a meal, seated at the dining room table, during The Toddler's waking hours. And to be honest? I'm not sure that's ever happened

By the time I've made Carter his breakfast, gotten him situated in his high chair, finished throwing together my own and am finally really to pour a cup of coffee and sit my tush on the couch to enjoy the fruits of my labor, a chorus of "awwwwwl DUN, Mo!" awwwwwl DUN, Mo!" is literally ringing in my ears. 

All the while, The Toddler is starting to shimmy out of his high chair harness. You know, the five point one that is supposedly Toddler-proof? Ha. I laugh at the phrase "toddler-proof." Whoever coined it clearly does not know my child. 

So, what's a Mom to do? Eat while standing of course. Selfishly sneak into the bathroom with a bowl of yogurt and granola. Perhaps even grab that bag of apple crisps and take to the car for a little "field trip" around the block- just so she doesn't have to share with The Toddler. 

Now, Loyals. Don't fret. The Toddler is an eating machine. There is rarely a minute when the child is starving let alone a second when he isn't eating. Forget saving for college, I always say to The Husband. We might as well start saving for his pubescent hunger years. 

You think I'm kidding? For breakfast this morning, Carter ate the following: 

3 cheesy scrambled eggs
2 pieces of raisin bread french toast with the crust cut off, smeared with jelly
1 ENTIRE orange

And? four heaping spoonfuls of my yogurt with granola. 

And that's just breakfast. 

I hate sharing, Loyals. Especially when it comes to food. So can you blame me for hiding in the bathroom with that bag of Cheetos? Please tell me I'm not alone.. 

Happy Wednesday, Loyals! 

29 comments :

  1. My 21 month old is an eating machine!!! No doubt he'll come sit on your lap when you are eating something.
    Now my 3 1/2 year old...could care less...frustratin!

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  2. This made me laugh. I completely understand. My daughter is the same way, by the time I sit down she throws her arms up into a field goal pose which is her version of "all done" or rather, "get me out of this stinkin' highchair pronto!" I often eat on the go... and she'll forgo her food to get to mine and sharing is definitely not one of my strong suits. I feel you!

    ~Laura

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  3. Hahahah this is awesome, I have the best mental image of you scurrying into a corner with cupcakes and cheetos and devouring them like a squirrel.

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  4. HAAAA this is hilarious. I hate sharing my food too and my husband still doesn't understand. Future children beware, I will not share!

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  5. Can I borrow C so he can show Grayson that it is okay to eat meals?! PLEASE?? G wants to graze on snack food day and it drives me crazy. I may have hid behind the cabinet door to scarf down a few skittles last night..ya know, so I wouldn't have to share!

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  6. I hate sharing my food too. haha. I was starving last night at 9 and Ty had one frozen breakfast biscuit left. I asked if I could have it and of course, he said yes. Afterward, I went over and gave him a kiss for sharing. He was a little shocked that I was so grateful about the biscuit and I told him well, you know I wouldn't have let you have it if it was the last one. haha. I may have some issues.

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  7. OMG I literally hid eating ice cream in the pantry the other day!! bahahahahahah!!!! I love this, it is so true!!!!

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  8. I promise you are NOT alone! I have a 7 and 5 year old that constantly don't want their own food but want to eat everything I am eating! WTF? I looked in the pantry this morning and ALL of my Dunkaroos were missing!

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  9. Bahaha - I've definitely witnessed the process! Boys are such ravenous eaters!!

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  10. Oops, hopefully this doesn't come through twice! Silly iPhone. I said something about having witnessed C's appetite and that boys are ravenous eaters! Hello, burritos! :)

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  11. Carter definitely has an appetite, but that's a good thing! :)

    I say eat when you can, whether that means in the bathroom or not haha!

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  12. I will say that there are few things that annoy me more than walking into the kitchen for a snack and then my almost 5 year old being right on my heels. "Mom, what are you doing?!" Arg! So, now I just wait till after she goes to bed at 8!! You're not alone Mama!

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  13. I hide in the bathroom all of the time to eat Choco tacos and I am not even pregnant. :).

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  14. LOL!!!! at your bathroom Cheeto stash. Dying. It sounds like you have a ..problem.. but I totally get it!

    The real question.. puffed or crunchy?!

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  15. WOW - I'm in for it! I cannot believe little Carter had that much for breakfast!?!

    But I'm with you --- serious about my food! Whatever it takes to get to eat!

    Happy Wednesday, friend....so excited for you. :)

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  16. Man, I am jealous that your kid even eats. Hannah never wants to eat. Oh, but when she does feel the urge to eat something, it's always 5 minutes after I've put her plate and food away. :o/ Colson on the other hand...I have to eat when he isn't looking. Otherwise he is crawling up my leg and bouncing up and down because he wants a bite. That boy eats everything! So with him, I do have to eat in secrecy! :oP

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  17. Evalyn isn't a huge eater, but still, when I'm eating? She wants. Even if it's something she doesn't like and will end up just spitting out SHE HAS TO HAVE IT. Oh fun times. And I thought it was hard to eat a meal with a newborn cozied up in the moby?!

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  18. Oh sweet AP you are not alone!! When it comes to feeding yourself and a toddler there is no easy way to go about it! Even if you do end up in the closet with cheetos, HA!

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  19. I usually only eat now when a. my kids have food or b. they are sleeping. Otherwise they just eat it all. My almost 2 year old daughter can out eat my almost 6 year old son any day of the week!

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  20. Ok, I'm glad to read this... cuz my kid eats like a maniac and I always thought it was a bit odd. My nieces all ate like total birds at Ryan's age, but he can seriously put it away.

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  21. I am in stitches over here because you know his girlfriend has the same eating habits- we'll be sending them "dinner date money" at college because they will be broke from their eating habits! Lol! I had two bites of oatmeal this morning because K cried for it- yes cried! Crazy girl! ;)

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  22. The days I go to work, I look forward to lunch most. I sit at my desk catching up on blogs and eating every single bite of my food. I've always hated sharing my food - but you kind of have to with the tiny human - but I especially hate it these days. They're like little begging dogs...

    My only mistake today - I got the 6 inch instead of the foot long sandwich. Fail.

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  23. NOT ALONE!!! I don't eat anything around my pups that I'm not willing to share. I'm going to try hiding in the bathroom! Ha!

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  24. AAHH!! LOVE IT! Can you believe this eating business has already started for me??

    I so feel your pain on the chorus.. Owen's is "DUN! (1/2 laugh, 1/2 cry) DUN!" Repeat.

    We currently have 23 episodes of Mickey on our DVR and I FREAK OUT if anyone tries to delete them.

    ~D~

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  25. Too funny. I don't like sharing my food either. Guess I am in trouble for the day I have kids. :)

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  26. I love baking and cooking for pregnant people! If you lived closer I would for you - if you are in the area let me know and I will bake for you!! :-)

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  27. Wow! He does eat a lot! My 15 month old usually eats a fruit pouch and a yogurt or some Cheerios for breakfast.

    Although she hears me anytime I get something to eat and she needs to eat that too. I figure it's a good diet plan. My portion sizes are automatically 25% smaller...yet I'm still gaining weight, can't win.

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  28. Love this post! Just yesterday as I was trying to eat a handful of trail mix Emersen kept trying to grab for some even though she had a snack mix in her cup...next time I will try your 'hiding out' strategy!! :) Oh, and I'm so glad that there is another toddler out there who can eat 3 cheesy scrambled eggs!!

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  29. Jamie has become a worse begger than the dog! If I even dare sit on the couch and don't offer him he runs over faster than I can shove it in my mouth. "Peeeeese!" I usually give in and share. I just can't resist.

    And holy appetite Carter! J's eating has really slowed down in the last month or so. Thank god! He was going to eat us out of house and home!

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As always, thanks so much for reading ILYMTC. If you have any questions about a post or want to get in touch with me (or any of the cast of characters here at ILYMTC) email me at iloveyoumorethancarrots(at)gmail(dot)com.

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