Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Some Friendly Mom-etition..

All new moms are familiar with the quest for mom-friends.

If you're anything like me, you were the first of your friends to get married. Heck, if you're really anything like me, you're the ONLY one of your friends to get married. We all know how that popular childhood taunt goes, "First comes love, first comes marriage...then comes the baby in the baby carriage!" Needless to say, I'm also the only one amongst our friends with a wee babe in tow. As much as I love my friends and vice versa, I'm fairly certain they don't want to hear about Carter's latest eat/sleep/anti-nap/poop tendencies. Or how I think that he's the cutest, most darling baby on the face of the earth. Hence, enter: the need for mom-friends.

So, where does one find such a friend?

I've stalked the neighborhood. I've kept a close eye out for those moms who I see pushing strollers along our sidewalked streets. I may or may not have made mental notes in regards to their routes and during what time of the day they're doing their strolling. I've looked through our church bulletin. I've written a list of other places to check out, including the local library and municipal center. Atop that list, however, was the local Gymboree. I grew up going to Gymboree classes with my mom and over the last 27 years, she never stopped talking about the wonders of Gymbo the clown.

Gymboree? "Score one for mom friends. This place has GOT to be chock full of them," I thought! Despite it's rather hefty price tag (I could join a gym and work off my last ten Carter-pounds for less than this!), I looked into the first free-pass class available and counted down the days until.. today.

It was... fun. If by having fun, you mean having stranger mommies comparing your son's every move, every breath, to their child's. Talk about a bad case of the judgies. Sheesh. 

Before I even slipped out of my Uggs and into stocking feet, I had a fellow mommy ask, "Your son has such good head control. How old is he?" Not, "O my gosh, your son is absolutely adorable." Or "I just love that striped pom-pom hat he's wearing." Not even a "Hi, my name is [ your new mommy friend]!" She then immediately turned to her son and said, "Ok, Mason. You aren't too much younger than Carter. Let's work on that head control!"

Clearly, Mason is going to be that child, nineteen years from now, atop some bell tower somewhere, yielding a semi-automatic weapon. I kid. I kid. 

Okay, so maybe this was an isolated incident. Let's actually step into the ring (of judgies) and take a seat on the playmat (of "death stares and stink faces, because my kid is or isn't doing that [insert milestone here] yet!)

For the next 45 minutes, I proceeded to sit in a circle with 6 other mommies whose babies ranged in ages from 10 weeks to 5 and a half months. As Carter attemped a roll from back to belly, I swear I heard a gasp from the mouth of the mommy sitting across from me. This gasp came right after she literally tried pushing her 12 week old over from belly to back. "Just a nudge in the right direction," she said with a little laugh.

The mommy sitting to my left complimented Carter on his football onesie. "Yes! A mom-friend," I thought to myself. But to no avail. Before I was able to thank her and tell her I scored it on sale at Old Navy, she asked, "Is he sleeping through the night yet?"

I thought High School soccer was going to be intense. I never expected Gymboree to be so.. rivalrous. I just wanted to sing, "If You're Happy and You Know It..."

Who knew making mom-friends was going to be so tough? Excuse me while Carter and I go and practice his times tables. You know, right after I teach him his colors and letters in Spanish.

31 comments :

  1. This made me laugh! I remember feeling the exact same way... Luckily I have some close friends now who are parents but when I first had Shelby I had nobody to talk to! It was horrible and I felt very alone! I am here if you ever need to chat! I am praying that you find some Mommy friends!!!

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  2. I am so glad I am not the only one out there feeling the exact same way! I have been going to our local library's storytime for 2 years now...and just last week (crazy, right?!) I finally met a mom who first, introduced herself, ask my girls' names, had fun conversation about us 'adults' and then gave me her number to call for a playdate...it was like an outer-body experience!! We are fairly new to the area, so I too have been on the outlook for potential mom friends...it IS seriously one of the hardest things! Hang in there, you'll find some good ones very soon :)

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  3. Okay, seriously. We aren't THAT far from eachother are we?? Couldn't we at least do a meetup or two sometime in the future? You know...to compare our kids? Kidding, KIDDING. Just to, you know, talk about leaking boobs, and stretch marks, and all that mom stuff?;0

    Seriously, though---?

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  4. Check Gymboree off my list of to-do's. Le sigh. Why don't we just live closer? Ugh.

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  5. moms are nuts!! this is too funny. Hopefully you will have better luck soon....its going to be hard to find non-jealous moms when your little guy is so cute!

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  6. oh gosh this is why I'm so thankful my bff and I are pregnant together. I hope you find some non-crazy mom friends soon :)

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  7. The judgies are the worst! It gets better after they are walking, talking and potty trained. At least until high school, lol! I am with ya on the mommy friend thing - husbie and I have joked about places to stalk. My joking, I mean seriously talking. ;)

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  8. I will totally be your mom friend. Long distance. I am lacking in the "mom friend" department as well! Seriously, if you need to talk about Carter's latest eat/sleep/anti-nap/poop tendencies, I'm available. :)

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  9. Sorry to hear you didn't find any friends there. We started Gymboree 2 months ago when my daughter was 4 months. I managed to make one friend there and funny thing is she is a nanny. But we get together now every week and shop or have lunch. Just be patient, there never seems to be the same people there ever week! P.S. Where do you live? I would love more mommy friends! Email me! levans09@live.com

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  10. Sorry you didn't meet any mommy friends. We joined Gymboree when our daughter was 4 months old (she is 7 months now). I actually made a mommy friend, but funny thing is she is a nanny. We actually meet up every week for lunch or shopping with the babies! Hang in there though. I have discovered there is almost someone new in every class that you haven't met before. If we lived by you I would love another mommy friend!

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  11. I saw your link on fb and decided to check out your rant on Gymboree because for one I never took my boys there so I was curious and two I'm nosey and just wanted to know how it went. I'm sorry that your experience was so competitive there, and I know the feeling of being judged and unfortunately at times doing the judging. I do have a suggestion for you for mommy time and meeting friends. I went to MOPS which stands for mothers of preschoolers which is all kids under school age. It is a Christian organization that is usually facilitated at a church. There I found support and a wealth of knowledge because there were women there in varying stages of mommyhood. There is a child care set up which in my experience was life saving. I know that Carter is still young so that may be something you take advantage of when he is a little older, depending on what you are comfortable with. You should check it out. Another thing that I am doing now is a bible study at my church that meets on tues morning at Grace Community Church, where Pam and Brandon go too. I would love have you come with me. I know what it is like and would love to be a new mommy friend of yours. Let me know what you think of my suggestions. Good luck with the Gymboree in the future.

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  12. I saw your link on fb and decided to check out your rant on Gymboree because for one I never took my boys there so I was curious and two I'm nosey and just wanted to know how it went. I'm sorry that your experience was so competitive there, and I know the feeling of being judged and unfortunately at times doing the judging. I do have a suggestion for you for mommy time and meeting friends. I went to MOPS which stands for mothers of preschoolers which is all kids under school age. It is a Christian organization that is usually facilitated at a church. There I found support and a wealth of knowledge because there were women there in varying stages of mommyhood. There is a child care set up which in my experience was life saving. I know that Carter is still young so that may be something you take advantage of when he is a little older, depending on what you are comfortable with. You should check it out. Another thing that I am doing now is a bible study at my church that meets on tues morning at Grace Community Church, where Pam and Brandon go too. I would love have you come with me. I know what it is like and would love to be a new mommy friend of yours. Let me know what you think of my suggestions. Good luck with the Gymboree in the future.

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  13. Wow! That's just crazy! Note to self....avoid Gymboree like the plague!

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  14. awww.... mom friends are going to be hard to find!!! But I am pretty sure when you find them you will be happy :) xxxooo

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  15. oh i love this post. made me laugh aloud! SO TRUE... you just never expect the rivalries to come with mommy-hood. Seriously :) I too am one of the first among my friends and have slowly but surely made mommy friends, but it can be hard. I hope you can find at least one friend that can really relate with you! i'm jami btw- new to your blog, it's super cute!

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  16. So funny and so true! My little guy isnt here yet but my sister who has a 2 year old says most others moms she meets are terible. What about Stroller Strides-Im not sure where you live, but I think those are everywhere...I think the key is to look for the other normal mom in the group (she probably looks terrified/annoyed by all of the judgies!!). Good luck!

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  17. hahaha, so funny. But true. :) Mom friends are hard to find when you're one of the first to even have kids. We'd be mom friends if we didn't live in different states. :)

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  18. This is soo true! Other moms are CRAZY these days! But just imagine having to take Carter to developmental appointments! Because Timothy was a preemie, I have to do that.. The lady that assess him--seems really judgemental and I dont think she believes me when I tell her he can do stuff.. Its funny I just blogged on that today, because he has an appointment, tomorrow. Say a little prayer for us! :)

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  19. I agree with dran, I would love to be your mom friend! However, I am surrounded by corn and beans in Illinois. Have you looked into Kindermusik classes? They are big around here. Honestly, one child can't pat-a-cake better than another.

    Back to the formula problem, I wanted to let you know that insurance is a pain to try and get to cover it. Ours won't do it. However, if Carter sticks with Alimentum in the future, get it off eBay. I scored 12 cans for $200. That is $10 cheaper than stores. Wahoo!

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  20. LOL this made me laugh, because I went through this same thing for the first couple years of my son's life! I had friends with kids but we lived so far away at the time that it was hard to coordinate play dates. There are plenty of nutso moms out there.Good luck with your search on finding some great mommy friends!

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  21. Ok for reals now... we practically live in joggin distance (kiddin) when are we going to meet up. And while your child prolly does have great head control i think it would be much more fitting to have real MOM chat then compare growth and development stats!!!!

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  22. Ahhhh! OMG. I feel the same. exact.freaking.way. I felt like such a loser because I've really been wanting some "mom friends" I honestly thought women would be really open and wanting to make friendships but I haven't had any luck either. Mom's are nuts.

    I think I'm giving up all together.

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  23. Oh no! What is with people these days??? I can relate to you about being the first of your friends. I'm the first to get married and the first to be having a baby. It's really hard for us to relate to one another sometimes, being in "different seasons" and all. The hospital I'm delivering at has a sort of "mom's support group" that meets once a week. I'm planning on attending, but now I'm a little nervous about all the judgies--eek! We'll see how it goes. I hope you find some people just as nice as you! Hang in there.

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  24. Oh yikes!! I hope you find some real mom friends soon!

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  25. I'm dreading this. I want to involve my son in as much as possible, but i do not want to deal with these psycho women. harsh? maybe a bit, but i just think people like that are a bit pathetic. here's hoping you and i find some good mommy friends!!

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  26. No Gymboree for me. I was seriously considering it!
    I'm in the same position, I just haven't gotten up the nerve to go out and meet some mommies.
    Totally discouraged! Let me know if you find any where that works out...I don't think we live close or I'd be all about that. No comparing :)

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  27. Have you seen this video yet? Hilarious. "Why I can't make Mom friends" I laughed out loud multiple times.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikvcS3Oe-oA

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  28. http://inthemindoflovestricken.blogspot.com/2010/11/25-questions.html

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  29. Ok.. just saying this, so don't get mad! But maybe.. and I wasn't there, so I don't know, maybe those "judgmental" comments could actually be conversation starters. I've had people say similar to me. They'll ask me how BG is sleeping, I tell them, they say something along the lines of "You're so lucky! My child is only.... " and it leads to a conversation. We start off sharing what has worked for each of our children, or what hasn't, and end up talking about where we buy clothes or what not.

    My point is..as new moms, we're all nervous we're not doing it right. Or.. if you're child is older, a woman with a younger child might want to know what she has to look forward to in the coming weeks/months. (he has such good head control at 12 weeks, so I can look to my 6 week old having that in the future) and so on..

    Not being snippety I promise!! Just saying, don't necessarily think they're being judgmental (which I'm sure some were because let's face it; that's what women do) but I'm sure a lot were simply wondering.

    And I could be totally wrong, but just a thought! :)

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  30. MAN! I was totally going to try out a Gymbo class but 1. TOO EXPENSIVE and 2. no room for judgies here! Luckily I have a pretty good group of mom friends that were my friends from HS. I know, MOVE HERE! I'll be your mom friend!

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  31. Hey.. I know you're in MD, but where? I'm in MD and know LOTS of young mom's at the moment. Maybe I could hook you up! =) You can reply to this comment if you want to share (I've linked my email address)

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