Monday, November 1, 2010

I Tasted It. And I'm Posting About It On My Blog.

That's right. I tasted my own breastmilk. Don't lie. You would've tasted yours too. I just wanted to see what the hype was all about. You mention the word "milkies" around these parts and my son's eyes go wide as saucers and he starts flailing his arms, hyperventilating. Lay him across my chest and he starts beating my breast and making "nom nom" noises. This would be even funnier if I was kidding, but if I had a third arm to videotape these shenanigans while nursing, I could prove it!



Truth be told, I was led to taste... the fruits of my labor... late one night of last week. That means I had lasted nearly a whole 12 weeks without tasting this apparent sweet nectar of motherhood. Shocking, I know. Carter had been acting particularly fussy one evening despite having just been fed, changed, bathed and jammied. Yes, jam-ied. The act of putting on ones jammies.

I had just pumped a meager 4oz post feeding and was determined to save that milk for the stash that I've, literally, been working my behind off to uphold for the all-day wedding affair that I'll be partaking in, sans Carter, next weekend.

Thinking, "maybe he just needs a top-off," Hubs and I decided we'd mix up a little formula. Afterall, we have nearly seven free cans of this stuff in our cabinet (the kind without beetle babies and body parts in it) collecting dust. Had it been any earlier in my child's time on this earth, or any earlier during the re-balancing of my female horomones, this decision would have sparked World War III and a whole slew of emotions that would rival any political or religious debate. Please don't jump down my throat, I only say this because I would have personally taken this decision as a personal affront and failure of my boobs. Up until this point, I just wasn't emotionally ready to introduce formula. Go ahead. Call me crazy. No? Okay, I'll call myself crazy. Ashley Paige, you're crazy.

Carter is now steadily moving further away from fussy and closer to near meltdown mode. I carefully follow the instructions on the back of the formula containter as I mix 2 ounces of bottled water with one "non-packed down" scoop of formula. God forbid I give the child Maryland tap water. I run the bottle under warm water and hand it off to my husband. As soon as Carter spots the bottle he calms and settles into "chug mode." This refers to the position that he voluntarily throws himself into either at the boob or within eyesight of a bottle.

I wish I had captured the look on this child's face after he took that first innocent, unknowing gulp. You would have thought we tried to feed him dirty sewer water. Tongue thrust reflex at it's best, Carter pushes the bottle out of his mouth and looks at my husband as if to say, "are you effing kidding me with that?" He then proceeds to turn to me with a look that said, "ok lady, if I tell you I'm not hungry anymore, will you promise to never, ever feed me whatever that was, ever again?"

In case we were misreading these signals, we tried again. Carter refused to open his mouth. We're talking lockdown. And this kid isn't one to miss meals. Have you seen those thigh rolls? Thinking, "what could the big deal be?" I tipped the bottle back and took a swig. Maybe it's just me. Maybe it's just the formula brand, but if I had to liken the taste to something, I would have to say it was like swishing a mouthful of penny water around in my mouth. What is "penny water," you say? Well, that's what water would taste like if you threw a handful of pennies into it and swirled it around. A little minerally. A little coppery. Clearly none too delectable.

So much for that 5oz I was hoping to freeze. Out of sheer motherly guilt, I grab the breastmilk from the fridge, set it in a bowl of warm water, all while promising Carter to never, ever make him drink that concoction ever again.

Of course, now I'm intrigued.

I look at my husband. He looks at me. I dare him to take a taste. Needless to say he staunchly refuses. Secretly quite captivated with the idea myself, I try it. I mean, I'm like a freaking milk factory. I leak this stuff all hours of the day, it's only a matter of time before I tried it, right? 

No wonder Carter is particular about his milkies.  I have two words for you. Sweet cream.

And I promise to never, ever talk this much or go this indepth about... the fruits of my labor... ever again.

26 comments :

  1. Oh my gosh, lady. I've totally tasted mine and people think I'm crazy for doing it. Its NO FREAKING WONDER kids don't want formula after boob milk. Just the other day I whipped up a thing of formula (I have free enfamil), and was all eager to see if she'd take it (again, I used to be all up in arms about giving her formula but really? Its been 6 months. If she wants a little here and there. so freaking be it. My boobs could handle a break)...

    She spewed that sh*t out of her mouth so fast it wasn't even funny. stuck her tongue out. gave me a dirty look.

    I was thinking "CRAPPPPPP" bc I am thinking of starting to wean her here in the next 2 months or so, which of course means introducing more formula, etc...

    But now? I'm a bit worried. Although I'm secretly happy she likes my milk better then that. I mean, for the record, formula is stinky--smells like a weird blend of potatoes.

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  2. You totally crack me up!!

    I'm trying to come up with some sort of joke, between your milk-stash (for the wedding) and your milk-stache from... yeah...

    But that's as far as I got : )

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  3. I don't think your the first woman to taste it, nor do I think you'll be the last! If it's going in the baby's body, it should be good enough for us, too, right?

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  4. HILLARIOUS!!!!!!! I have never tried giving Easton formula, but I have tasted my breast milk, and it's quite tasty. Now, I don't want it on my lucky charms, but I do taste it every now and then with some rice cereal making sure it's not too hot! But hubs, he's the same as your hubs- no way, he's not tasting it! He says 'that's disgusting!" disgusting IT IS NOT---sweet cream it IS! You crack me up!

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  5. haha, this post had me laughing out loud! your motherhood stories crack me up :)

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  6. I haven't tasted my breastmilk but now you have me curious. I thought it was probably sweet because I have spilled a little here and there and it is always sticky.

    We had to give Sawyer formula early on because of his low weight gain. It smells awful, but I am so glad we introduced it early on so that he can take it now. He did spit it up the first few times though.

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  7. ha ha you crack me up! So funny. I'd be curious too! :)

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  8. You are such a good writer! This story is hilarious.

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  9. Hilarious!!! I defiitely think I will try my milk when it comes in. I'm sure the Hubs will think I'm crazy, but whatever. :)

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  10. I have never tasted mine but it is sticky when it gets spilled.. while I am crying and cleaning it up. Liquid gold I tell ya! Now, I know you may not want to purchase it since it is $25 a can, but Similac Alimentum (not on recall) is as close to breastmilk as I have read. I can give Connor a random 6 oz. bottle after breastfeeding for 3 straight weeks and he doesn't bat an eye it it is that similar. It is the only formula he has done well with!

    Another downfall of formula? It stains clothes. Bummer.

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  11. Too Funny!! I would of tried mine too had it ever come in! :( But your story made me think of that episode of Friends where they all try Rachel's breastmilk! haha! :) Too bad husby wouldn't try it!!

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  12. You are SUCH a great writer. I love it!!

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  13. Probably the best post I have read today. Thanks for making me laugh.

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  14. lol! Been there done that. Now I didn't take a big swig at it but hey it does drip so... naturally I wipe it up with my finger and taste. I would describe it as vanilla ice cream and BTW woman if you're pumping 4 oz post feeding you're doing wonderfully!

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  15. LOL! I haven't actually tasted my breastmilk from a bottle but I've gotten a pretty good idea from kissing her messy milk covered cheeks after a feeding. Definitely sweet.

    No wonder so many babies prefer eating fruits when starting solids. They've practically been eating desserts for months!

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  16. From all the comments you are obviously not alone! I tried mine too after my first kiddo... Even convinced my husband to try it :) You are right - "sweet cream" is a great description. I have a major sweet tooth, so I imagine it's probably even closer to melted ice cream in flavor! Ha!

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  17. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHa bestest post I've read all night! I can't wait to try my boob milk someday.... seriously.

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  18. So I haven't tasted breastmilk, but I have tasted formula and let me tell you...Enfamil made me vomit in my mouth for real. I don't know how my little girl does it every day. I hope our second child is much better at latching then she was!

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  19. LOVE your honesty (and can't say that someday I won't do he exact same thing!). :)

    At least Carter knows what he likes!!!

    PS - thanks for you the sweet hello on my blog the other day.....I'm excited to be back in the blogging world and promise to be better!! ;)

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  20. it reminds me of the episode of Murphy Brown (takin it back a ways arent I ) who had just given birth and was amazed that milk was coming out of her breast's.. and she said "It's like you go through your whole life ans suddenly bacon starts coming out of your elbow"....


    Ummm yea I tried the formula thing once too.. umm totally penny water.. good thing you didn't mix it with MD water... atleast not our MD water.. taht stuff has so much bleach then you would have had "penny in the pool water"

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  21. i was wondering what all the hype was. i'm sure i'll partake in a taste of mine just to see what little man is getting...

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  22. Ok so I always wondered what it tasted like, but seeing as how my milk only stuck around for a quick minute, I never wasted a drop. BG loves her formula though so I guess we're lucky.

    I love your posts.. You make me laugh so hard.

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  23. I thought it tasted like cantaloupe??? We just started solids and I tried some rice cereal. Awful. Seriously awful! :)

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