Friday, January 3, 2014

The Wrong Reason To Try For A Fourth Baby.

When WhatToExpect approached me about contributing a post for their Word of Mom community not only was I excited about the (unpaid) opportunity but I was also a bit leery about what exactly I would write for them. After all, I kind of like writing in this little old space of mine- it's comfortable. I'm familiar with it. It's kind of like snuggling up with your favorite blanket while sitting on your favorite seat on the couch. 

But I did it any way and I decided to tackle something that has been on my mother heart for a long while now- the answer to questions that many moms field, no matter if they are mothers to all boys, all girls or a mix of both. 

For me, it's tackling the oft-asked question of, "So, you going to try for a fourth to get that girl?" And how I never, ever want my three sons to feel as if they aren't enough for me. 

"We had barely stepped foot outside of the ultrasound room after learning our third baby (and very likely our last) would be another boy, and we heard it: The question that I've not only become accustomed to hearing but also one that I knew was coming.
"So, you're just going to have to try for four to get your girl, huh?"
I looked up in the direction of the offending question, shrugged my shoulders, and half-smiled. Yeouch. "I almost can't believe it myself. Three boys! How crazy!" I replied quietly back.
Looking back, that's not even the part that stung the most. That part quickly followed was when the very pregnant woman with two boys playing happily at her feet said, "You poor thing."
My heart sank when only seconds earlier, I was on cloud nine. Another boy! Another beautiful, bouncing bundle of blue to complete our family. "How lucky am I," I thought to myself, "to be given this gift of raising three gentlemen..."

To continue reading, please head over to the WhatToExpect website. And be sure to check out my awesome by-line!  

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17 comments :

  1. I am so EXCITED for you!!! I would love to have a home full of boys!!! Of course, daughters are special too, but I've always imagined myself as a mommy of sons for some reason!!! Going to read your post now!

    Michelle @ Michelle's Desk (Formerly The Vintage Apple)
    www.MichellesDesk.com

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  2. I love this article / post! Such a great perspective on gender. They are your babies, and you are grateful, thankful, and wouldn't trade them for anything! As a girl mom..I've heard the watch out fors, etc. Annoying. I wouldn't trade my sassy little peanut for anyone! :) Cheers!

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  3. Great job, AP. It makes me sad that people think you can't be happy with all girls or all boys. I'm pregnant with my second and everyone says "oh do you want a boy since you have a girl?" Honestly, sisters would be great! And a boy would be wonderful too! I really have no preference. And I know if we have a boy I'll get the "So you're done now since you have one of each?" Or if I have a girl I'll get the "So, are you going to try for a boy?" It's never ending....

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  4. I am on the other side with one girl for now, but this drives me NUTS! Why do we place value on gender that way? I am the oldest of 3 sisters and it was GREAT. My parents never felt cheated because they didn't have a boy just like parents of boys dont feel cheated because they did not have a girl. It is SUCH nonsense. It is a LIFE, a wonderful, valuable and beautiful LIFE. YOUR SON or YOUR DAUGHTER.

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  5. We just have one boy and we are very much a one and done family by choice and people don't seem to understand why, even when we patiently explain. I think you're doing a great job with your 2.5 boys. I mean, really?? You could keep trying and you'd end up being Mom to an entire basketball team. Do what is right for you and your family! Happy Friday :)

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  7. We have 3 boys, ages 5, 7, and 11. I cannot imagine life without any one of them, I often think how incomplete our family would be without all three. I never have felt cheated or like I am missing out by not having a girl. I know that more days then not I am REALLY challenged to keep up with them, and maybe I chide about the over abundance of testosterone but would not trade it for anything.

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  8. My 55 year old mother of two girls well into their 20's (nearly 30 but let's not discuss that) was asked at the OBGYN this week why she never tried for a boy. People just can't hush up to save their lives.

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  9. I love that you were honest about your "moment." When I was pregnant with my son I hoped for a girl and also had a brief moment of sadness but now that I have this handsome mama's boy I'm wondering what ever was I thinking?? Now that I've had the pleasure of raising him this far I would be okay with all of my future children being boys!

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  10. three boys growing up was what i always dreamed of! if anyone had ever asked me, 3 boys is exactly what i envisioned.

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  11. I also just found out that I am having my 3rd boy, and I am beyond excited!! I now feel connected to you for that reason. :) We are special.

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  12. LOVED this!! We're expecting our 2nd boy the beginning of March. When we announced that baby #2 is a boy, I was shocked at the amount of comments about how I must be disappointed or will have to try again for a girl. I got an "oh, that's too bad that it's not a girl" once. (I almost slugged that person.) I also got a "wow, you look genuinely excited that it's another boy - from your face I thought you were going to say that it was a girl!" Thanks for writing this. I completely identified with it.

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  13. I chuckled when you mentioned it was an unpaid opportunity! Great post! Stopping by from A Purpose Driven Wife

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  14. I have 3 boys, ages 8, 6 and 2, and I get the "are you going to try for a girl??" question all. the. freaking. time. It boggles my mind. I can't imagine ever saying to someone, "Oh, you must be so disappointed in the children you have." People are crazy. I love my boys, and while I would have loved to have a girl, that clearly wasn't what was meant to be for our family. And quite frankly, I couldn't imagine having it any other way.

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  15. As a mother to two girls, I am thankful that you will parent three strong and happy gentlemen! Our youngest is a boy, and we get the insensitive comment "Oh! Looks like you finally got your boy"" all the time...Hater gonna hate...it's what they do ;-) I'm excited you're having another boy! When you know how to do something well, stick with that!

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  16. My brother and his wife have 5 boys. With each pregnancy she to was asked the same question...will you keep trying for a girl? It was never really their intention to have 5 children, the goal was 4, but God had other plans. When the 5th baby came alone she was more then over joyed to hear the words that she would be having another boy. No one will love their Mama as much as a little boy and she was right. I have one girl and one boy. I love my daughter to pieces and we have a very special relationship, but it often runs hot and cold depending on her hormones. My son, he is my love. The one who always reminds me of how pretty I am or how much he loves me. I wouldn't trade that in for the world !!! So excited for you to have another boy, God is good all the time and He knows exactly what your family was going to look like before you even had a thought about having children. Boys are wonderful !!! Enjoy them !!! Elizabeth

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