Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Is It Too Late To Re-Think This Whole "3rd Baby Thing?"

Just yesterday my girlfriend sent me this link to a horrifically hilarious post on what it's really like to have three kids. It came on the heels of a photo she sent me only a week before, of what I can only assume was one couple's well-styled attempt at a Christmas Card picture with three small children. Let's just say one of them was hanging upside down and I'm not telling which one. 

I think she's trying to prepare me and I have to admit it made me laugh. Hard. Uncomfortably so, because there are moments every single day when I think we're downright insane for having a third baby, but I laugh nonetheless. Why? Because it helps me feel less... terrified. 

After all, what were the boys doing when she texted me said article? They were playing swimming pool in the dog's water bowl. An act that they both know is forbidden but they insist on doing it any way and they've worn me down so low that all I can think now is, "it's just water. It won't kill them and at least I can drink my cup of coffee while its still hot."

I'm not scared about having the baby or what to do with the baby. I mean, by now, I have all of that down pat. I do my hair and makeup and show up on a pre-appointed date to have my insides rearranged and a baby pulled from somewhere within. The following six to eight weeks are a nightmare of little to no sleep and nipples that hurt like hell, all the while trying to stuff my floppy parts into clothes that make my floppy parts seem not so floppy. The truth? That's the easy stuff. I'm not at all worried about that. 

What worries me the most is how I'm going to keep my other two heathens alive during the process. I mean, I can hardly handle them now and it's a miracle that we make it to bath time each day without someone running away or requiring stitches. Go ahead and laugh but I'm about as serious as a heart attack. 

My youngest is a climber and a lock opener. Each of these in their single-ness wouldn't necessarily be so bad- I could handle the climber, perhaps by duct-taping him to the floor or putting those cute little exercise ankle weights on his legs. As for the lock-opener, I could easily dissuade his attempts by hiding any and all lock-picking tools and any tools that could be mistaken for lock-picking tools and be done with it. But a lock-opening climber with a penchant for letting himself out the sliding glass door? It's like the trifecta of Why Mommy Drinks In The Morning. 

My oldest, well, he just follows suit. Sensitive and kind, he knows he's supposed to listen to the House Rules but when he sees his little brother running a mok, he's all balls to the wall not caring one iota about those rules. "What's good for the goose is good for the gander, " is his life motto.  In fact, I'm fairly certain I've caught him acting as a step stool for his younger brother so as to aid him in his attempts at escaping the madness.  

I get it, guys. Believe me, there are many days when I would like to run away, too.

Like the day not too long ago when I realized that all children will eventually have to turn three and a half. Did you know this, too? I don't know why I hadn't thought about it sooner. I wish I could go back in time and slap myself silly for thinking that two and a half was shortening my life. I would have grasped my delusional self's face in my two hands, shook it vigorously all the while muttering a string of curse words and "just wait's." 

This means that Maclane will eventually have to turn three and a half and so will baby number three and they will have done so at just the right time when I would breathe a sigh of relief and think "Whew. We survived."

Motherhood is a bitch. 

I know it's possible to have three kids and not suck at life and I'm not the first mother to ever have three kids and not know what to do with one, or two of them at any given moment. Who worries about leaving one behind or how terribly these childhood moments will haunt them later in life.  Deep down somewhere inside of me there is a tiny, quiet voice that reassures me, "You'll be okay. You can do this."

It's just really hard to hear that voice over the constant din of life with two little boys. I have to guess that the voice will become all together non-existent when we add the third into the mix in just a few short months. 

But I have to remind myself that because I care, because I'm worried about how each of them may require therapy later in life, that deep down, I'm a good mom and we'll all be just fine. 

We will survive and if we don't? It will certainly make for a good story... one day. 

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  1. Bahaha. My sister just had her third boy. The last two are 13 months apart. Her house is full and life is hectic BUT she is happier than I have ever seen AND she says that adding a third is no big deal. Way easier than adding the second! I cannot wait to see/read/hear these stories. I am sure you and your husband will be amazing parents to these three boys! YAY! So excited. (Just an FYI, tomorrow is 2014, we will both be adding to our families in a few short months! AGH)

  2. My oldest is 2.5 and if I had gotten to this age before getting pregnant/having my newborn I would have never gotten pregnant. :) she also unlocks doors and we now have to keep the hotel lock on the front door locked at all times so she can't run out.....because she will.....

  3. I'm the oldest of three girls, which is definitely different than boys, but we were obnoxious trouble makers anyhow. I'm sure my mom was nuts most of the time, but I am so close with my sisters and absolutely love that there are three of us. You'll be great, and the times in the dog's water bowl will be their best memories!

  4. you're hysterical... when I'm a mom, I want to be just like you. you're fabulous and YES, you can handle it! I can't wait to follow along! :*

  5. I read that same article yesterday and a girlfriend and I were discussing it... She just had her third in August and she said she doesn't feel like that article is very accurate! There are days like that but overall, it's not nearly so bad. And she said most of her friends who have three have said the same thing. So here's to hoping that she's right and it won't be so crazy!!!

  6. I heart you and motherhood is most certainly a bitch. And I love that now that I'm a mom and have been in the trenches, I can totally read "motherhood is a bitch" and completely and wholeheartedly agree (and laugh that "oh my gawd, how true that freaking is" laugh). You have no idea that motherhood is truly a bitch until you are just that, a mother. The same goes for having absolutely no idea how very much they will change you, your heart and how you'll instantly love them more than anything on this earth. This motherhood gig is just wild --- a crazy fun, all encompassing, exhausting, nothing better, wild bitch. Yes, indeed.

    Now that I've rambled for no reason, I just have to add ---- YOU'VE GOT THIS. God knows what He's doing and if you weren't going to be a rockstar mom with three kiddos, then you wouldn't have that sweet boy on the way! But I *completely* here you........ I'm terrified of going from 1 to 2. As in so terrified that me may just stick with one. Truth. Ps - I think once you have three it means that the stars align and someone gifts you with a full-time paid nanny. As in they pay them and you don't. Or at least that should happen once you give birth to a 3rd. In walks a delightfully cheery nanny to help with anything and everything. If that was the case, I'd be signing up right away!

    Happy New Year, girl!! You make me laugh and you are a crazy god momma!

  7. I had all of the same fears before I had Tyler (especially the whole "they all turn 3.5 part!). The transition to 3 was SO much more smooth for me. I don't really know why, but I think it has something to do with the fact that I'm OK with things not being perfect (because I mean, let's face it-- nothing is perfect with children!) and the fact that I can handle if someone is crying while I deal with the kid who is getting into stuff. You'll do fabulous, and when all else fails, just have a good supply of wine and Strawberitas ;)

  8. Oh jesus, I don't envy you! For a little while I was considering how cute it might be to add a third baby to our family, but I think we're over that. However, I'm sure you'll do great - I keep hearing that once you have two babies, you can add one, two, or even three more and it's like nothing's changed. Apparently. Good luck mama!

  9. Motherhood is definitely a bitch! Going from two to three is an adjustment...but it isn't OMG kill me know. Some days yes but most days they are no different than when I had to. Just takes longer to do everything! =) You will rock the mom of 3 title!!


  10. 1 going from 2 to 3 was way less traumatizing than from 1 to 2.
    2 Hotel locks are your best friend with three boys in the house.
    3 boy #3 is the one that keeps us on our toes allll the live long day, if it can be thought up and executed he will be the one to do it and hes only 3.5...yes, we have acquired lots of new grey hairs these last few months.
    4 getting a dog was the best thing...I kid...sort of...hey boys have you seen the doggie lately???? No? Go find her then....my trick thought is that shes a velcro dog and goes wherever I go so I just stand behing the island or in a doorway where shes hidden and then take those 5 minutes to breathe and do more laundry.
    5 you never know how its going to be until the baby arrives so dont stress over it.

  11. if anyone can do it - it is surely you! i bet adding the 3rd will be nothing like adding the 2nd. you've got this down on lock by now mama!

  12. Hehe, this is why with our 6 week baby and 2.5 year old, we have decided 2 (a boy and girl) is perfect :)

  13. I suspect the post you are talking about is mine--and don't worry. You will survive. Three and a half is indeed the very worst age, but you notice it a little less as each one hits it, because you're too busy to notice quite as much that your kid is a rageaholic. My life already feels easier now that the youngest is 2 instead of a baby. Hang in there.

  14. Yes! Laura, I laughed the whole way through your post, all the while nodding sympathetically.. Or well, empathetically, really. I couldn't appreciate your post more and it's such a hilarious look into what lies ahead. It's nice to know we'll all make it out alive!!

  15. I just randomly stumbled across your page and I must say I could not be happier. This post made me laugh. my oldest is 2, second is 3 months and I find myself in all of this post, and I couldnt help but laugh. Thank you for that.


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