Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Meet My 3 Kids: Crazy, Chaotic and Overwhelming.

Three. 

Three weeks into this new gig and I still cannot believe I have three kids. I wrote a little bit here about what it feels like to have three kids and, well, I have a funny feeling it's going to be a while before that feeling changes. 


And when I say I cannot believe I have three kids, I really mean it. I can count on two hands the number of times I've had a mild panic attack after having pulled out of the driveway (and driven a few miles down the road if we're being honest) and thought to myself, "holy shit, I think I forgot the baby." 

In my defense, he's the only one of the lot that isn't constantly talking at an ear drum-splitting decibel so I'm sure you could see why he'd be the easiest to forget.

In full disclosure the number three has absolutely been my tipping point. As in, the Scales of Crazy have certainly fallen under the weight of our now third baby. 

I was pretty confident in myself as a mother when I had my first baby and even after welcoming our second, most days I still felt like I had a modicum of my shit together. But three? Three kids has absolutely rocked my little world.  

Three. 

It looks like three is the magic number for a variety of things. For things such as:

- This blog to suddenly take a backseat to life. I've always loved coming here to write and despite staying home to raise my family and wanting to be present for my kids, blah blah blah, I've always made time for this blog. It's always been near the top of my priority list because I felt as if I owed it to my readers. Nowadays? I'm lucky if I can write a grocery list each day let alone a blog post. And that's so annoying because I hate grocery shopping. 

- To start contemplating a drink in the wee hours of the morning. This needs no explanation. There have been mornings, many mornings, where my first thought upon waking is, "how appropriate is a mimosa with my breakfast?" And by "with" I clearly mean "in place of."

- Panic attacks to set in at the park. Why? Because there's only so many days we can spend inside of the house. After a while the house looks like we've been robbed and the older boys are clamoring up the walls. That said, heading to the park is one of the singularly most stressful things I can think to do with three kids under four, second only to taking them all to the pediatricians office. I don't have enough eyes, arms or patience to do either of those things alone. 

- The need to invest in ear plugs. Do you know what it sounds like to have three crying children at once? It's worse than nails on a chalkboard. In fact, it's like three sets of nails on a chalkboard. And the minute the third one starts crying? All common sense and futility flies out the window. Who to tend to first? The one whose cries are the shrillest or the one who will remember whether or not you tended to him or just let him scream? I still don't know the answer. 

- The intense desire to run away at the end of the day and I'm not ashamed to admit it. For whatever reason, my children are determined to shorten my life explicitly between the hours of 5 and 6pm. It's as if they suddenly go deaf and turn into wild little heathen children. Makes me think we should have named Maclane "Damien" instead. 

- The feeling that I'm literally drowning in laundry. I had a hard time keeping up with the laundry before we had a tiny little human who uses approximately no less than 15 pieces of laundry a day. It doesn't help that swaddle blankets only last a mere half day around here before they're suddenly flung onto the floor and drug around like a Swiffer mop. Add a couple of outfit changes, various burp cloths and a bath towel to that and BAM. Suffocation by laundry. Seriously, has anyone really died from that because I wouldn't be surprised. 

- To know without a shadow of a doubt that we are absolutely, 100% certainly done having children. If you read Collins' birth story then you know that this decision was kind of made for us before this moment, but seriously, we are so done having children. I'm sure I will always want a baby. I mean, how could I not? Their tiny warm bodies, so snuggly and sweet-smelling. The way they do that little sucky thing in their sleep, the tiny coos and squeaks they make. I will always want that. I will always long for the feeling of a newborn asleep on my chest but let it be known that babies don't keep and they eventually turn into toddlers (hold me closer, Tony Danza) and then pre-schoolers and then they're pretty much full-on little grown ups. And that means they have their own opinions, their own ways of doing things and truth be told, they cost a shit-ton of money. We are SO done with having any more of those. 

I really don't want to keep writing about how three kids has literally turned our lives upside down. There's only so many times I'm going to be able to say "this is hard," without sounding like a whiny, broken record but for the love of all things holy, I've said it before and I'll say it again. This is so fucking hard. And it's not even hard. I just don't know what else to call it. 

Crazy. Chaotic. Overwhelming. 


I think I keep saying this because it's truly more of those three things than I ever imagined but perhaps that's because I never really imagined it at all. I never really thought twice about having three kids. It was more of a "well, we already have two and one more would be really kind of fun" and by fun I should've thought, "one more would be really kind of fucking nuts," and then some. 

And as much as it's all of those things above, I mean it in the best way possible. Because as crazy as it is, and as chaotic as it gets and as overwhelming as some of our days may be, it's really been so much awesome. So I haven't had much time to write but I've had plenty of time to soak in the newborn snuggles and watch my two big boys becomes brothers once over. I've watched my husband sleep through middle of the night diaper changes like it was his j-o-b and spent that extra time memorizing how that sleepy newborn feels on my chest. 

I now have three kids and even though it's hard to believe, I'm loving every fucking crazy minute of it. Well, except for those minutes between 5 and 6pm. I'll never love those minutes.  



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23 comments :

  1. I was just talking to a friend with 3 and she said a few weeks into the new gig, the whole family was at a bbq (very sleep deprived) and the husband ran over to her in a panic & yelled "wheres the baby?!?!".... the baby was in his arms!

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  2. Love this, and love your honesty. Because let's be honest, raising kids, however many, is HARD yo! Not always butterflies and rainbows, that's for sure. I look forward to reading your new adventures with another handsome little man added to your mix!! Hang in there, before you know it, you'll think three is a piece of cake....maybe ;)

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  3. Love your brutal honesty! I'm expecting my first one and already feel like you do... how that is possible is beyond me, but i'm freaking the eff out. LOL

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  4. I found myself shaking my head in agreement on a lot of these (especially the one about 5-6pm... holy moly that time about does me in EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.). I will tell you that it DOES get better (probably around 6 months I felt like "OK I got this." It's still crazy, but I feel like I can manage the chaos a bit better. You can do it, AP!

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  5. How big is Carter now?! That picture of you holding him he looks like a giant!

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  6. Needed this post today..I am home with my 3 year old, 15 month old, and 2 week old. I don't have enough arms :) Thanks for keeping it real!

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  7. I've been there. My littlest just turn 1 two weeks ago. Last summer was rough. My friends thought I was doing great because I was out of the house (zoo, parks, etc.), but honestly it was easier going somewhere than being in my house where I thought I was going crazy. My children are 3, 2, and 1 and I can honestly say that life has started to get a little easier. Still completely busy and most definitely still chaotic, but I am not in survival mode anymore. Do not underestimate the post baby hormones. I never had postpartum, but I do believe the hormones played a role in my feeling like I was never going to get the hang of this again. I truly thought 3 kids broke me just like you, but I think I needed to be broken to be rebuilt as a better mom. Hang in there. Accept help when offered. You will feel like super mom again.

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  8. This was perfect. This is EXACTLY how I feel. Well, with two. I couldn't have a third. Maybe I could, when my two become teenagers. HAHA!

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  9. Thank God for those last two paragraphs…I was about to step off this ledge I'm on ;) xo

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  10. Truth! Two is chaotic, I don't even know how you manage 3. My hair is falling out just thinking about it!

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  11. That's the hardest time in our house, too, and I only have one! Something about being at daycare all day makes baby a clingy, unhappy, gassy, screamer. Day after day. Today he's home with his daddy, so we'll see if it's any different!

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  12. Haha! Love this. I just had my second and still yearn for more toddler hugs and baby kisses. I know we are not"done" at two but I think we now may wait several years before we add more;) you're doing a great job and your family is precious!

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  13. well i will just buy all of your maternity and nursing clothes right meow as were dying for #2!
    when #3 is a thought. i am going to return this beautiful blog post.
    don't ever forget how wonderful you are! each one of those boys is so lucky that God gave them YOU!

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  14. I love this. The timing is funny because my fiance and I just spent the weekend taking care of three littles that I used to nanny... they are bigger now... and so much harder to deal with--and let's just say by the time we left Sunday afternoon we felt like just rescuing all the cute dogs in the world and locking down the uterus for good before even starting. But then I agree... how can you not always want that sweet smelling, soft skinned, beautiful baby... and you created that little ball of love. It's an amazing thing to think about--but still, I don't want to think about it three times! LOL. Thank you for always being so honest!

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  15. i honestly think about you all the time...I feel this way with just one. ONE child. She has the energy and tenacity of 3 kids I believe...and the reality of #2 is setting in...I'm FREAKED out.

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  16. I only have two kids, but I feel like the newborn time is crazy even if it isn't the baby causing the problems. Just having that baby need so much makes everything else crazy. Hope this transition eases with each day and week. I haven't ruled out three kids, but I kind of hope my oldest is in kindergarten before the third comes along, so it will only be three kids during the day.

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  17. Love you friend! You got this!

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  18. Oh sister. I think I just pulled a muscle in my neck from all of the nodding. Granted, my oldest was 22 months old when my twins were born, so I rocketed past the parenting party of 2 stage and went right from 1 kiddo to 3, so I can't totally relate ... except that I can. Because honest-to-all-that-is-holy, any time we are reduced by 1 child, even if it's the easiest one, life is infinitely less difficult than when there are 3! It's this crazy phenomenon that I can't wrap my brain around, even now that my boys are 4.5, 2.5, & 2.5. I have zero words of wisdom to impart. Only to tell you that someday they'll all be tangled in a ball of sweaty, wrestling boy in the middle of your living room floor, and you'll think to yourself, "At least I know where they all are at this very moment ... now maybe I can finish my cup of coffee before someone smashes someone else's face into the floor a little too hard and I have to break up the mess.." :D

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  19. What an amazing and crazy adventure you're on!

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  20. I just going to come back and read this everyday until I'm convinced I don't want a third….but I really do.

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  21. 5-6 pm SUCKS. Seriously. There's homework to do times two, a hungry baby, a whiny toddler, and dinner that needs to be cooked.
    I'm glad you're enjoying this crazy gig, too!

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  22. Here's what I learned from friends - going from 1 to 2 is a hard. Going from 2 to 3 is crazy. Going from 3 to 4 is insane and you'll never notice any kids added after 4. Sounds to me like you are doing the right thing if you're just crazy. Crazy happy. :)

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  23. This made me laugh! I can totally relate. I am the mother of five littles. When I talk to new mommas they always ask how I do it. I tell them the hardest changes is from none to one child and two to three. Once you have three and get in the swing of things...once the third baby is a little older (eating table food & can walk) it gets easier and you can have tons more cause it's all just crazy awesome chaos. Hang in there momma, it's a season. You're doing great!

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