I have several, several pairs of black dance pants laying on the floor of the passenger seat of my car. Why? Because I have to lie to get into my parking garage at work. I know, I know. Sometimes even I think my life is a big, fat joke. But I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I am not allowed to park in the same garage as the building I work in. It's supposed to be for patients only. However, I don't think many patients drive Ford F150's with all types of construction materials hanging out of the beds. Yes, construction workers, I mean YOU! I see you sneaking into the parking garage before the security guard takes his post out front of the gate. Truth be told, I'm insanely jealous. I would try to do the same thing, but that would entail waking up even earlier than my already 5am wake-up call.
However, I digress.
It makes me giggle, albeit out of frustration, that I have to wake up in the mornings before work, shower, dress only in my proper scrub attire from the waist up, throw on my black North Face fleece, zip it up to my chin, and don black dance pants, so that when I pull up to the parking garage gate and the security guard leans into my car, he will take note that I am wearing black yoga pants and indeed, could never be a nurse working in the building, because no sane nurse would wear COMPLETELY HALF OF THE WRONG OUTFIT TO WORK ONLY TO GET AWAY WITH PARKING IN HER OWN DOGGONE PARKING GARAGE.
At least that's better than when I used to lie and tell the guard at the gate that I was there for my daily radiation treatments.
Once he waves me through the gates, I quickly drive down to the basement level parking where I proceed to park in the furthest corner of the lot and stealthily change out of my yoga pants into the pair of navy blue scrub bottoms that I had strategically shoved into the bottom of my handbag. Don't worry, I've already canvased the area for security cameras. Whew.
So wait, why do I do this? Because I'm crazy? Perhaps. However, I would like to believe it's done out of convenience. My other parking option consists of parking in a satellite lot, five long city blocks away from my building where I will be charged fifteen dollars a day to park. FIFTEEN! It's ludacris, I tell you!
It's bad enough I have to pay ten dollars a day to wear the wrong clothes to work and lie to the securty guard.
Only six more days...