Monday, September 8, 2014

Mommy Wars: Caused By Ill-Fitting Bras?


After having three babies in four years, I think I can finally narrow down the root cause of the Mommy Wars: ill-fitting bras. And, if by the end of this short essay you don't believe so too, then at least let's agree that ill fitting bras are undoubtedly the cause of RTF or Resting Bitch Face. 
 
 
If you're reading this and you've never been pregnant nor birthed a baby, let me give you the quick and dirty on what happens to your breasts. When you're pregnant, your boobs get huge. We're talking so voluptuous that if prior to getting pregnant you were an A or B cup, you would want to show them off to everyone were you not growing a tiny human inside of you that simultaneously liked to make your body do gross things like burp and fart uncontrollably. When you're pregnant and you have these gorgeous pregnant boobs (but feel like crap) my heart goes out to you, truly it does. And to your husbands who wish so badly to motorboat you, just one time. Just really quickly. You won't even notice, they'll say. Fitting your pregnant boobs into a bra is laughable. As if burping and farting uncontrollably wasn't embarrassing enough, try waddling into the nearest department store for a professional bra fitting. The truth is, we've all done it. So, we stuff those lovely lady lumps into whatever we have lying around the house. 
 
Ouch. 
 
A few short (who am I kidding, they feel like an eternity) days after giving birth, your milk will most likely come in, as it should. My milk came in with a vengeance after each of my babies, leaving me sore, swollen and looking like a mega-botched boob job gone one hundred kinds of wrong. I'm pretty sure that during this time, one of my nipples was pointing north, the other east. At the same time. Wearing any kind of bra during this stage of the game is futile. You're nursing your brand new bundle of love every seven minutes, or so it seems, so like many others, I chose to walk around topless during the first three weeks of my sons' lives. My apologies to the UPS and FedEx deliverymen who were all to often subject to many a nip-slip during those days. Speaking of nipples, oh, those babies will grow to be about the size of dinner plates. Just an FYI.
 
Once you've got the breastfeeding thing under control (trust me, you will eventually), it's time to put those puppies away. If you're a first-time mom, you'll spend gross amounts of money on nursing tanks, tops and bras or any other piece of lingerie with a plastic clip or hidden sleeve on it that Pinterest says you need. If this isn't your first time at the rodeo, you know how easy it is to just whip one of those puppies out of the top of any old tank top, or shove down the cup on any old bra and it'll get the job done just fine. 
 
But here's the kicker- with a newborn (and potentially other children in the house) you're not schlepping anybody to the store to try on new bras. I mean, that kind of Crazy isn't even suitable for Wal-Mart. Not to mention that you have absolutely no idea what size bra you should be wearing so you try to squeeze into any one of the four different sizes you have lying around your house from college through now. 
 
Double ouch.
 
Now you've rolled up, tucked in, patted down and stuffed your sore, swollen bosom into a bra. Chances are you're leaking everywhere and if you aren't, well then you definitely smell like spoiled milk from when you once did. Now imagine someone approaches you and asks if your brand new baby is sleeping through the night. Or they want to discuss sleep training methods. Hello, Mommy Wars. Why? Because chances are you're wearing an ill-fitting bra (if you're wearing one at all) and the sheer uncomfortable-ness of shoving those babies into a snug Over The Shoulder Boulder Holder is all to blame. 
 
Perhaps if we all had appropriate fitting bras, we could each take a deep, deep breath and we'd eradicate the Mommy Wars. Just like that. After all, we would feel more supported and undoubtedly more confident in ourselves as mothers, therefore feeling more mindful of our decisions as well as fellow mothers'. 
 
Now that we've established the root cause, let's do something about it. Let's all get at least one well-fitting bra that we cannot only fit ourselves into comfortably, but one that might showcase just a glimpse of ourselves before we had babies. Perhaps, maybe even for just a little bit, we might even feel, dare I say it... sexy.
 
For 100 years, Vanity Fair® lingerie has been the brand that women look to for undeniable support, lift and a little bit of luxury. Making style both comfortable and effortless, it offers beautiful lingerie in styles that are trend-right and feature sleep fabrics with clean lines for a smooth look under clothes- even if your outfit of the day is yesterday's yoga pants and a baseball tee. 
 
Vanity Fair® recently launched a wonderful campaign, "Women Who Do," that is a powerfully uplifting initiative dedicated to praising and celebrating every day triumphs of women everywhere while highlighting the brand's long-standing commitment to quality lingerie at an affordable price point. Ultimately, Vanity Fair® hopes to spark a movement that inspires women to support each other and live their lives according to what makes them happy. 
 
And all along here you thought I was truly kidding about well-fitting bras and the Mommy Wars.
 
Vanity Fair® on Facebook | Twitter | Pinterest 
 
So tell me, for the chance to win a $100 VISA gift card, what do you support?  
Sweepstakes Rules:
No duplicate comments.
You may receive (2) total entries by selecting from the following entry methods:
  1. Leave a comment in response to the sweepstakes prompt on this post
  2. Tweet (public message) about this promotion; including exactly the following unique term in your tweet message: “#SweepstakesEntry”; and leave the URL to that tweet in a comment on this post
  3. Blog about this promotion, including a disclosure that you are receiving a sweepstakes entry in exchange for writing the blog post, and leave the URL to that post in a comment on this post
  4. For those with no Twitter or blog, read the official rules to learn about an alternate form of entry.
This giveaway is open to US Residents age 18 or older. Winners will be selected via random draw, and will be notified by e-mail. The notification email will come directly from BlogHer via the sweeps@blogher email address. You will have 72 hours to respond; otherwise a new winner will be selected.
The Official Rules are available here.
This sweepstakes runs from 9/8 -10/19/2014.
Be sure to visit the Vanity Fair brand page on BlogHer.com where you can read other bloggers’ posts!
 
Follow on Bloglovin
Follow on Bloglovin

34 comments :

  1. That might be the funniest thing I've read in forever!!! The day my milk came in with my second I looked like a lady of the night. I was able to rest my chin on the girls and they stood on their own! Showing my husband had us about dying in laughter. Honestly how do the girls do it?! I went from a pretty 34C to a 36F! I didn't know they made an F! Ten years later I'm still a D but at least I'm no longer climbing the alphabet!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm in support of better-fitting bras!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I support our military and law enforcement!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I support charities for domestic parrots

    ReplyDelete
  5. https://twitter.com/LuLu_Brown24/status/508992543229366272

    ReplyDelete
  6. I support the decisions my family makes no matter what they are.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I support women's right to wear comfortable bras

    elena_istomina(at)yahoo(dot)com

    ReplyDelete
  8. https://twitter.com/ElenaIstomina/status/509026386959269888

    elena_istomina(at)yahoo(dot)com

    ReplyDelete
  9. I support people that make the best decision for their family, no matter what that is!

    leslieflambert at gmail dot com

    ReplyDelete
  10. I support a parent's right to homeschool.

    mami2jcn at gmail dot com

    ReplyDelete
  11. tweet:

    https://twitter.com/mami2jcn/status/509085546413432833

    ReplyDelete
  12. I support anyone who works with children on a daily basis! Teachers, SAHMs, daycare workers, etc

    ReplyDelete
  13. I support our local community programs & after school projects.

    Nicole.ddziedzic at gmail dot com

    ReplyDelete
  14. https://twitter.com/lil_lady_dz/status/509135213281038337

    Nicole.ddziedzic at gmail dot com

    ReplyDelete
  15. I support our local food pantry.
    kellywcu8888ATgmailDOTcom

    ReplyDelete
  16. tweet
    https://twitter.com/Kellydinpa/status/509161234705309696

    kellywcu8888ATgmailDOTcom

    ReplyDelete
  17. I support comfortable bras especially while nursing a child!

    ReplyDelete
  18. I support our teachers. They work hard for our kids.

    Dmoretti1967 at yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete
  19. I support teachers. As the daughter and wife of teachers, I know first hand that their work continues after the school day ends and on weekends too!

    ReplyDelete
  20. I support the Relay for Life- love the organization and proud to say that I am a long-time supporter 20 years- and now cancer survivor!

    ReplyDelete
  21. This is hilarious!! I support however a mom chooses to feed her baby! I've formula fed and am currently breastfeeding, and I know I'm doing what's best for them. :)

    ReplyDelete
  22. tweet:

    https://twitter.com/mpwiedeman/status/509813155292532737

    ReplyDelete
  23. Love this post! I support our local food bank…no one should go hungry.

    ReplyDelete
  24. I support our sailors [my nephew is currently deployed and we can send packages to encourage him and his fellow sailors]. I also support kids in need, here and abroad, food pantry and women sponsorships in Uganda.

    ReplyDelete
  25. I support local small business and farmers.
    tcarolinep at gmail dot com

    ReplyDelete
  26. -https://twitter.com/tcarolinep/status/511351244015681537

    ReplyDelete
  27. We love this post - and your open honesty! You've hit the nail on the head (or should we say...boobs). All new moms deserve a bra that can support and provide comfort during an often uncomfortable phase of mommyhood.

    ReplyDelete
  28. I support moms and dads, parenting is tough, we are all just trying to do our best!

    ReplyDelete
  29. I support the local food bank and MS Society.
    cshell090869 at aol dot com

    ReplyDelete
  30. tweeted
    https://twitter.com/cshell202/status/515973669437194240
    cshell090869 at aol dot com

    ReplyDelete
  31. This is ridiculously hilarious! And I related on basically every single level.
    BRF= bitchy resting face? Check.
    Walking the house topless the first week? Check.
    Buying way too many "necessary" nursing tops? Check.
    By the end of nursing my 3rd child (at 15 months...exhausting!) my husband was begging me to quit just so I would stop wearing my worn out, used-as-hell nursing tanks every second of every day. We debated having a bonfire and burning them in celebration when our son weaned...

    You are hysterical. Thanks for the laughs and for keepin' it real.

    ReplyDelete
  32. I support our local humane society. I love my adopted pets.

    willitara [at] gmail [dot] com

    ReplyDelete
  33. Tweet - https://twitter.com/willitara/status/523513098926166016

    willitara [at] gmail [dot] com

    ReplyDelete
  34. I love this post and your open honesty!

    My Blog: waistcincherhq

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for reading ILYMTC. If you have any questions about a post or want to get in touch with me (or any of the cast of characters here at ILYMTC) email me at iloveyoumorethancarrots(at)gmail(dot)com.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...